I’ve never had a joint account-how does it feel?

[Lieby]

Been with my husband nearly twenty years, super happily. We very much started as equals, splitting everything when we went out, on trips and holidays etc. Eventually, we both sold our places and bought together, then got married, and have continued to financially function in a similar way-not rigidly at all, but more vaguely taking turns, usually splitting restaurant bills. We do have a billing account in both our names, but that’s not an actively used thing. Question is, I’m soonish going to take early retirement, and will have very little money coming in. He’s absolutely fine about sharing an account, but after all this time, and never having done it before, I cannot imagine what it’ll be like! For context, neither one of us is a high earner, and we share the same relatively simple aspirations etc. What’s it like??

We have only one joint account. We were quite young when we got together so neither had lived with anyone or owned property, I wonder if that makes a difference.

We have one account, I earn a lot more than DH but he works and does most of the after school childcare so without him doing that I'd not be able to work the same hours. Husband has had a chunk of inheritance and that went into our house.

Neither of us checks up on the other ones spending ever, I use YNAB for tracking our money which is great. If we want to buy gifts for each other then we use a credit card and pay it off in full from the joint account.

Works for us, its interesting to see how others do it.

@starlingsintheslipstream

We've always had one as our only account. I've never thought anything of it. I would say we are, as you describe, two people who share the same simple aspirations and I suppose that's why it works. Neither of us are either particularly penny pinching or spendthrifty. I've spent a few years as a non earner, on a career break, and dh has always earnt more but we just share everything.

Same. It’s all ‘ours’, always has been.

Watching with interest as I am fascinated in the idea of how a joint account would feel. I can’t think of anything more terrifying than sharing your income with another adult tbh.

Late second marriage here, moved to a joint account from separate accounts.

Initiallly it was fine as I was the one with the higher income. Now I am much lower income than him and initially it was a bit odd but I soon got over it - partly because he thinks it’s fair and partly because I know I’ve contributed more than half over most of our time together. Also we are living well within our means.

We do have separate personal spending accounts that get an automatic equal monthly payment - for haircuts, socialising, clothes etc. He has loads of savings in his, I have less, but that’s fine!

We had a joint account for a few years when we moved overseas and needed to open a new account in that country. But here in the UK and now back here we have never bothered and carry on with out separate accounts.

I don’t think it is purely down to the account, it is about attitude and it is the attitude that would concern me. We both consider our funds to be shared funds, we move money freely between us, we don’t monitor each other’s spending and we would never “take turns” in paying at a restaurant as we both consider all money to be joint as mentioned previously.

Never given it a second thought. What I like about a joint account is the accountability it gives both of us. We can both keep our beady eyes on what's coming in and out and panic accordingly. Of course there's always the possibility one of us could have a secret running away account. But in general it feels nice to be a partnership across the board

Depends entirely on contributions and spending habits. We prefer to have joint ac and also maintain sole accounts - purely for some discretion over what you spend ( birthdays, surprises, treats etc).

A joint ac falls down should one party is an earner / saver type, and the other thé frivolous spender.

I can't remember what it's like to have separate accounts, everything has been joint since we got our first mortgage. It doesn't feel like anything.

We have always had joint accounts (30+ year)

The difference I think you will find is for both of you to see money as shared and not individual. Just a cease of you both changing your mindset.

This is true, all money including our inheritances have been our money not mine or his. There is money in separate savings accounts and pensions, but we both see it still as our money

My husband is the higher earner by about ~£10K. We don't and have never had a joint account, all bills have always come out of his account even before we got married and were just living together. I know his card numbers off by heart so any online shopping I just do from his account. I use his credit card when out and about.

All money that I earn and is put straight into my savings accounts. This is how we saved for our deposit for our house which we began the process of buying just before we got married - on paper the deposit was 100% from me, but obviously on a moral and common sense level it's all just shared money.

This arrangement works for us because we both have similar attitudes to spending. We both spend very little money on "fun" things like new clothes etc so we've never had reason to bicker over spending.

In our circumstance a joint account feels pointless I suppose, but we have always shared our money.

Do you need a joint account? Why can’t he just transfer 50% of his income to you each month and you both function normally? Joint accounts can be a difficult adjustment if you aren’t the one funding it & you may feel beholden in a way where if he just gave you your share you wouldn’t be.

@Traumdeuter

Those who have only a joint account, how did you pay bills before the relationship? Did you close your individual current account after getting married?

DH and I have been together since we both left home, the first home outside of parents for both of us was with each other, so I never paid bills without him (if that makes sense).

However, we started off with the joint account just for joint bills and our own current accounts for our own personal spending. We would each transfer £xx into the joint account each payday as our share of council tax, rent, food etc.

That stopped working when I went part time after having children. I was not earning anywhere near enough to be able to contribute a sensible amount to the joint account and still cover my own phone bill, car payments etc, I was always maxing out my overdraft. We moved to a single joint account four years ago to combat that, and it stuck. I'm earning more now the DC are older and I work full time, but this way is easier so we won't go back.

Depends if you trust each other

My ex and I had a joint account years ago
He just spent all the money - all of it

No way would I ever have a joint account again

Married nearly 30 years. We had a joint account initially when I was on maternity leave.

It didn't last long. He likes to sit and ponder over every statement, and after a few months of "oh, did you go to Costa" and "did we need more shopping?" I removed myself from it.

We have since had separate accounts. Happily.

We have always had a joint account. I don't really think anything of it because I don't see the money I earn as mine and DH is the same, it's very much our money.

Everything comes out of the account, mortgage, cars, kids clothes, hairdresser, holidays etc.

I have always earned more, sometimes by a lot and now by just a small amount but there have been times where I have only been on SMP and DH has brought in the majority of the money. We are a partnership.

I just spend what I like tbh, coffee, make up, new clothes etc. I just buy it, so does he. We would discuss a large purchase first.

Personally I am a big fan of keeping individual current accounts for your personal spending money so as to retain some sense of separation and privacy - you can either do it so you pay your income into your joint account and then transfer equal amounts of 'spends' out to your individual accounts, or get paid into your own accounts and then contribute to the joint account in proportion to your income, leaving yourselves equal amounts of discretionary spends, it amounts to the same thing.

I much prefer this system not because I want keep secrets from DH (apart from the occasional surprise present), he'd be more than welcome to see my bank statements any time (and vice versa), but spending from the same pot just wouldn't work for us, esp in this age of internet banking where you can get instant notifications of one another's spending so you can see 'hmm I see DH stopped at the bakery on his way to work this morning, he's meant to be on a diet' or 'oh look DW's been blowing money at the hair-dressers again', it's not even that either of us would ever criticise the other but knowing your every little indulgence or treat came from a joint pot and was money then not available to the other person would just be uncomfortable for us. Plus at times we've had differing incomes which makes it harder I think, and also we have slightly different attitudes to money, on big spending we're aligned, but with our spending money DH is more of a fritterer and thinks nothing of blowing through his whole 'allowance' in the first week of the month on fancy lunches etc and has little left to show afterwards whereas I quite like being frugal and saving up for bigger 'treats', so if all our spends were in the same pot that would def be an unnecessary friction point.

Anyhoo different strokes for different folks, OP I don't see that you need to go from full separate finances to full joint account mode if you don't want to, why not go for a hybrid system where you work out what a minimum amount to cover mortgage/rent, bills and basic groceries is per month (include eating out, holidays etc if you like as well), put that amount into the joint account in proportion to your incomes (so maybe 90% your DH 10% you, or however it works out with your pension) and then continue to do discretionary/spending stuff from your own individual accounts?

Thanks @LadyFlumpalot that makes sense - I’ve had the same current account since opening a junior version when I was 12 so I’m just being a bit insular in my thinking!

This thread is making me want to simplify things. DH and I have a complex web of current and savings accounts across three different banks, with some joint and some personal, but we’re currently in a mismatched financial situation as he is working very part time and I’m bringing a lot more money in, but not as a regular salary. Need to re think how we play it - both being paid into one account and sharing equally would seem to be the best way but it’s such a change from what we’ve always done.

We’ve had a joint account for 25 years. It’s just normal to us. DH subsidized me when I was training and then when we had dc’s and I worked part time.

Now We basically earn the same and I will be the higher earner soon when DH retires.

I am probably the bigger spender but not massively so. I also do a lot of bank hours, DH doesn’t, so feel like I pay for it and DH does not care a jot.

We’ve always worked well together and had a similar outlook on money.

We have only joint accounts. Our money is all our money, although DP earns the vast majority and I spend the vast majority (because I deal with the finances). We're a team! (Yes, he's pretty easy going).
It works brilliantly because we trust each other and have similar tastes and aspirations and neither of us have expensive hobbies.