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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious at DH? Car insurance lapsed

55 replies

ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:06

I'm willing to be told I'm over reacting to this situation, but I really don't think I am?!

DH was in charge of sorting out the car insurance this year. I've been busy with a new job and also unwell, so I specifically asked him to sort out all car related stuff (road tax, MOT, insurance etc). The car is in my name with him as a named driver, so I gave him the renewal documents and asked him to research quotes and renew with current insurer if it was the best deal, which can be done online. I reminded him a few times in the weeks leading up to the expiry date too.

Today I was checking through our bank account and it struck me as odd that the payment hadn't gone out yet. So I asked DH if he had definitely renewed the insurance. He insisted he had. I had a bad feeling so I asked him to show me the confirmation, and it turns out it hadn't been done!!!

We have both been driving an uninsured car for 5 days! Car is now insured, but I'm absolutely furious at DH for his incompetence in such an important matter. Also, if I hadn't queried it, this could have ended up with one of us being pulled over and arrested, or hitting another car without insurance.

I'm so angry at him and disappointed. DH really doesn't seem that bothered and seems to think I'm over reacting, but I think this is a big deal. I've told him that going forward all important things such as this and house insurance need to be dealt with by me. He disagrees and thinks I'm being too hard on him. AIBU?

OP posts:
Fairylightsongs · 06/02/2022 17:11

That’s very odd. Insurance normally auto renews, so it must have been cancelled? Is money tight? Why would he lie about it?

NeverChange · 06/02/2022 17:11

I wouldn't be as annoyed about him missing as I would be with the fact he insisted he had renewed it when he knew he hadn't.

If he just said, shit, I forgot, will do it immediately it would be a non issue. He didn't

NeverForgetYourDreams · 06/02/2022 17:12

@Fairylightsongs

That’s very odd. Insurance normally auto renews, so it must have been cancelled? Is money tight? Why would he lie about it?
My doesn't auto renew. I turned that off so I didn't have to call to cancel and could compare the market instead each year
Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:13

Fairylightsongs

Our car insurance doesn't auto renew.

OP posts:
WulyJmpr · 06/02/2022 17:14

He wins. No longer has to take on any house admin.

Floralnomad · 06/02/2022 17:14

@Fairylightsongs

That’s very odd. Insurance normally auto renews, so it must have been cancelled? Is money tight? Why would he lie about it?
I never have any insurance , or indeed anything at all on auto renew as it forces you to at least look at the prices before you sign up again .
WabbitsAndWeasels · 06/02/2022 17:14

Absolutely not unreasonable at all, the lying that he'd done it would be the worst part for me. The consequences for it being uninsured are huge either if you had an incident or was pulled by police. He agreed to do it, was reminded several times and then lied after the crucial date had passed. I'd be very angry for a little while before ensuring I always did it myself (likely what he wanted anyway).

BIWI · 06/02/2022 17:17

I've told him that going forward all important things such as this and house insurance need to be dealt with by me

Hmm. By saying this, you are effectively allowing him to get away without taking any responsibility. It's called strategic incompetence

I bet he manages to do all sorts of complicated things at work.

Womencanlift · 06/02/2022 17:17

He is unreasonable but he has won too as he has got out of life admin so I bet he is seeing at as a win for him

westendgirl780 · 06/02/2022 17:18

It is a very big deal. Six penalty points plus fine at minimum.

SeasonFinale · 06/02/2022 17:18

He thinks it's bo big deal because there was no consequence this time. As you say if you had hit a car and injured someone and were prosecuted and potentially made bankrupt by a lawsuit he would have presumably felt different.

It is a shame that you gave to take on the burden of "wifework" due to him being a twat

Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:19

I am seeing the points being made about him getting out of life admin. But it's the only way to make sure things are done properly unfortunately.

OP posts:
ToykotoLosAngeles · 06/02/2022 17:20

So I asked DH if he had definitely renewed the insurance. He insisted he had. I had a bad feeling so I asked him to show me the confirmation, and it turns out it hadn't been done!!!

I don't understand. Did he lie or just not quite finish the process online and misremember? Because if he lied and you didn't check it would have been a year!

BIWI · 06/02/2022 17:21

@ZellyFitzgerald

I am seeing the points being made about him getting out of life admin. But it's the only way to make sure things are done properly unfortunately.
No it's not! You agree on the things he's going to do, and then you ask for proof that he's done them. Just as you would if you were delegating a task at work.

He'll hate being asked for proof all the time, but so what?

SpaceDetective · 06/02/2022 17:24

I'm amazed your existing insurance hasn't been sending daily emails about "do you really really really not want to renew" and "it's not too late to renew" etc.

TimeToDecideX · 06/02/2022 17:26

Take him off as a named driver and tell him to buy his own car, he can forget whatever he wants then because it won't affect you.

etulosba · 06/02/2022 17:26

he shouldn't have mislead you. That was daft.

I set our cars' insurance to auto-renew to avoid this problem.

Your insurance company has to inform you of the renewal cost before the auto- renewal date and there is plenty of time to research alternatives.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 06/02/2022 17:29

I’m not sure why he lied and YANBU, especially if you’d reminded him.

IncompleteSenten · 06/02/2022 17:29

Why did he lie to you?

An adult would say oh shit I completely forgot! I'm going to log on and sort it out right now

IncompleteSenten · 06/02/2022 17:30

I would be less bothered about the forgetting than about being lied to.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/02/2022 17:30

I would just set up your insurance to auto-renew in future. I think it's really easy to forget things like this, though of course he shouldn't have lied about it.

The insurance company still has to inform you at least a month in advance of renewal of the price and when the new DD will commence, so you can still shop around for a better deal if you want.

Quornflakegirl · 06/02/2022 17:30

Dh is similar. We recently bought a new car, I went and visited 5 showrooms and test drove 5 different cars and models. I made all the relevant phone calls and sent emails. Dh had ONE single email to respond to with regards to a large discount we get because of his job, he didn’t do so. He literally had one button to click and to forward to the email to the dealership. This delayed the car being ordered. The new car details came in the post on Friday addressed to him!

FlasherMcGruff · 06/02/2022 17:32

But how did he think it was done if it wasn’t? Did he call? Complete a form? If there was an activation error at their end but he’d genuinely done it, fair enough, but if he’s totally fabricated renewing it and it’s just a lie I’d be furious.

girlmom21 · 06/02/2022 17:32

The lying is an issue. Why did he lie? Why didn't he do it?

Ultimately though it's your responsibility to make sure you're insured so it's a good job you did ask.
Don't take on the responsibility. Make him sort it then send you the insurance documents.
I always do DP's insurance and ensure the documents are sent to him.

Kazzyhoward · 06/02/2022 17:39

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

I would just set up your insurance to auto-renew in future. I think it's really easy to forget things like this, though of course he shouldn't have lied about it.

The insurance company still has to inform you at least a month in advance of renewal of the price and when the new DD will commence, so you can still shop around for a better deal if you want.

Yes, but you have to go through the ordeal of trying to phone your current insurance firm and then have to endure their CS assistant trying to pressurise you into staying with them. Lots of people simply don't have the time and patience for that, or simply don't have the time to hang around waiting in a phone queue for an hour or two.