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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious at DH? Car insurance lapsed

55 replies

ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:06

I'm willing to be told I'm over reacting to this situation, but I really don't think I am?!

DH was in charge of sorting out the car insurance this year. I've been busy with a new job and also unwell, so I specifically asked him to sort out all car related stuff (road tax, MOT, insurance etc). The car is in my name with him as a named driver, so I gave him the renewal documents and asked him to research quotes and renew with current insurer if it was the best deal, which can be done online. I reminded him a few times in the weeks leading up to the expiry date too.

Today I was checking through our bank account and it struck me as odd that the payment hadn't gone out yet. So I asked DH if he had definitely renewed the insurance. He insisted he had. I had a bad feeling so I asked him to show me the confirmation, and it turns out it hadn't been done!!!

We have both been driving an uninsured car for 5 days! Car is now insured, but I'm absolutely furious at DH for his incompetence in such an important matter. Also, if I hadn't queried it, this could have ended up with one of us being pulled over and arrested, or hitting another car without insurance.

I'm so angry at him and disappointed. DH really doesn't seem that bothered and seems to think I'm over reacting, but I think this is a big deal. I've told him that going forward all important things such as this and house insurance need to be dealt with by me. He disagrees and thinks I'm being too hard on him. AIBU?

OP posts:
junglejane66 · 06/02/2022 17:43

I've told him that going forward all important things such as this and house insurance need to be dealt with by me

Which is exactly what he wants. Has he got form for this sort of thing OP?

etulosba · 06/02/2022 17:43

Alternatively, just send them a one line email saying that you don't want to renew.

60 seconds. Done.

StripeyDeckchair · 06/02/2022 17:45

By announcing you'll do all the important admin from now his (deliberate) incompetence has paid off and you'll take over it all.

I'd make him do more not less.

Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:46

ToykotoLosAngeles

I don't understand. Did he lie or just not quite finish the process online and misremember? Because if he lied and you didn't check it would have been a year!

I was confused too. It seems that he didn't finish the process properly as he seemed really insistent that he had done it. Also he seemed to think that the lack of payment wasn't a problem because it would just be taken out of the same account as last years. However, reading the policy documents it is clear that every year is separate and it doesn't auto renew and payment details have to be entered each renewal. He obviously didn't read the document properly.

OP posts:
phishy · 06/02/2022 17:47

He’s a lying, unrepentant toe rag.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 06/02/2022 17:49

Dh once got a parking ticket.

Left it on the side and then put it in the drawer with the other post I sort out generally.

Got it out for him and reminded him to sort it out. Then I stopped reminding him.

New letter arrived and fine had doubled. I left it out again for him to sort out and it cost him double.

He's never done it again

Marmm · 06/02/2022 17:50

If the car is in your name I would make sure you insure it. And ban him from diving it

Blossomtoes · 06/02/2022 17:50

@Fairylightsongs

That’s very odd. Insurance normally auto renews, so it must have been cancelled? Is money tight? Why would he lie about it?
Some do, some don’t. I’ve never had one that does.
Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:50

BIWI

*No it's not! You agree on the things he's going to do, and then you ask for proof that he's done them. Just as you would if you were delegating a task at work.

He'll hate being asked for proof all the time, but so what?*

I get your point and I do agree! However, I'm already under pressure with health issues and I feel like micro managing him is an extra step and hassle I can cut out by doing it myself.

A rod for my own back no doubt, but sometimes there's just not enough headspace for me to make sure he's doing his stuff properly, as well as sorting out my own things.

OP posts:
lljkk · 06/02/2022 17:50

I make a lot of mistakes & would be very upset if DH was furious at me for making the mistakes OPs DH made. Nothing bad happened. It was quickly sorted.

Georgyporky · 06/02/2022 17:51

@etulosba

Alternatively, just send them a one line email saying that you don't want to renew.

60 seconds. Done.

Erm, not necessarily. Most companies insist on a telephone call, PITA.
dipdye · 06/02/2022 17:52

He's basically a kid lying about doing his homework

Very unattractive

Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:55

junglejane66

Which is exactly what he wants. Has he got form for this sort of thing OP?

Unfortunately, yes there is form for him forgetting things. However, we had a serious discussion over Christmas when I got quite ill, and I said I needed him to step up and do more, especially as I was having to return to work post maternity leave in January. He seemed so committed to actually doing better and remembering things. This was the first major thing in a while that I've trusted him to sort out, and I feel very let down.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/02/2022 17:56

Big deal plus cheapest insurance quotes are around 21 days before renewal date so you have paid more to insure it same day!

IncompleteSenten · 06/02/2022 17:56

@lljkk

I make a lot of mistakes & would be very upset if DH was furious at me for making the mistakes OPs DH made. Nothing bad happened. It was quickly sorted.
Do you lie about them when asked? Pretend you haven't made them?
Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 17:58

lljkk

I make a lot of mistakes & would be very upset if DH was furious at me for making the mistakes OPs DH made. Nothing bad happened. It was quickly sorted

It was quickly sorted as I checked it myself. If I had relied on his word, then we could have had no insurance for up to a year. It's a serious offence, hence the anger.

OP posts:
RogueRebel · 06/02/2022 17:58

I would have removed him from the insurance, if you can't be trusted to keep the car running and legal you don't deserve to drive - he wouldn't forget again

Heytheredemons · 06/02/2022 18:01

You are both unreasonable. He is unreasonable for lying and insisting he had done it, when you noticed money had not come out of the bank, but as the car is in your name, and you spent longer remindering him a few times over the last couple of weeks leading up to renewal than it would have taken to just sort it, you are unreasonable for not doing it online. It would have taken 5 minutes to go on compare the market and see how the cheapest quote came up against the renewal email you would have received.

PeeAche · 06/02/2022 18:02

Strategic incompetence. You shouldn't have to give him tasks to do at all. But, if you must, give him shitter tasks, in which the stakes are lower.

Also YANBU to be annoyed.

I don't recommend LTB over car insurance. 😅

Gizlotsmum · 06/02/2022 18:04

YANBU but why did you fix his mess? He should do it himself and do it in the future as he has to take some responsibility…

Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 18:04

Heytheredemons

You are both unreasonable. He is unreasonable for lying and insisting he had done it, when you noticed money had not come out of the bank, but as the car is in your name, and you spent longer remindering him a few times over the last couple of weeks leading up to renewal than it would have taken to just sort it, you are unreasonable for not doing it online. It would have taken 5 minutes to go on compare the market and see how the cheapest quote came up against the renewal email you would have received.

I asked him to do it. He said he would do it.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 06/02/2022 18:05

*So I asked DH if he had definitely renewed the insurance. He insisted he had.

I wouldn’t mind him forgetting but lying about it would enrage me.
I cannot believe anyone would lie about something that could cause you to have a massive fine or points on your license.

Original poster
ZellyFitzgerald · 06/02/2022 18:07

Gizlotsmum

YANBU but why did you fix his mess? He should do it himself and do it in the future as he has to take some responsibility…

I fixed his mess as I didn't want to drive an uninsured car and he had already proved himself incapable of doing it properly.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 06/02/2022 18:09

Yes, but you have to go through the ordeal of trying to phone your current insurance firm and then have to endure their CS assistant trying to pressurise you into staying with them. Lots of people simply don't have the time and patience for that, or simply don't have the time to hang around waiting in a phone queue for an hour or two.

I cancelled my car insurance in August after an accident meant they doubled my monthly payments. I found exactly the same coverage elsewhere for less than half the price.

It took me less than five minutes on the phone to cancel it, and with many policies you can do it online in seconds.

Is that really more time-consuming than comparing everything online and setting up a new policy and direct debit? Confused

Choccyp1g · 06/02/2022 18:13

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Dh once got a parking ticket.

Left it on the side and then put it in the drawer with the other post I sort out generally.

Got it out for him and reminded him to sort it out. Then I stopped reminding him.

New letter arrived and fine had doubled. I left it out again for him to sort out and it cost him double.

He's never done it again

So if OPs DH makes a mistake and disables a young person in an accident, he can pay the MILLIONS of pounds that the insurance would have covered...except he won't be able to.