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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t trust my boyfriend

74 replies

MiMw · 06/02/2022 00:59

Please can someone advise me. I have such a gut feeling not too trust him but no proof. Tonight he went on a hen do, which really bothered me but he has alot of female friends. I looked at his instagram and he has added a girl he clearly meet tonight who is stunning. He has liked her most recent photo of a bloody puppy. He hates dogs. How to say something without sounding mental and I now this probably makes me sound it, but it’s how he makes me feel. Always a reason for every thing that happens but it never sits right. Help me

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2022 01:05

If you don't trust him the relationship is already doomed. Don't be daft, get rid of him.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 06/02/2022 01:06

You've pretty much answered your own question. You don't trust him. Regardless of whether he's untrustworthy or not, you can't be in a relationship without trust. It never works.

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 01:10

I know but it hurts. I’m never normally like this in relationships but he says things and does things that make me question him all the time.

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 06/02/2022 01:17

@MiMw

I know but it hurts. I’m never normally like this in relationships but he says things and does things that make me question him all the time.

Sometimes people can be fluid with their preferences, for example the doggy, if the doggy is important to the lady, he could of just liked it, to be polite, sometimes some people don't always set their likes and dislikes in stone, as sometimes it depends on people or groups they want to get along jn, and therefore usually adjust their perspectives accordingly

DropYourSword · 06/02/2022 01:18

If you don't trust him, don't be with him.
Honestly, it's that simple.

Louisianagumbo · 06/02/2022 01:26

I don't think anyone on here can judge him because we don't know enough about him. But if you don't trust him, surely that's enough for you to end things, regardless of whether he's trustworthy or not.

OldTinHat · 06/02/2022 01:46

How long is your relationship and have you been given cause to question him before?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/02/2022 01:49

He went on a hen do?

You've said you don't trust him. So just end it.

ClaryFairchild · 06/02/2022 01:53

You say that this is not normal behaviour for you, and that this is the only relationship that it has happened in. So this is NOT on you. This is not you being suspicious of everyone and everything. It is JUST with him. Trust in that. Because in that case there is definitely something in his behaviour that is setting you off. Something doesn't add up regardless of him always having an explanation.

So step back and assess. Ignore his explanations if they don't sit right with you, because is he going to admit to bad behaviour? Clearly not.

If you aren't a generally suspicious person it's time to get rid of him. He is going to drive you crazy because you will forever feel you are on shifting sands, and you won't ever feel you can trust him.

steff13 · 06/02/2022 03:26

I agree with the poster above, if you don't trust him the relationship is already dead.

Shoxfordian · 06/02/2022 05:49

If you don’t trust him then dump him

mjf981 · 06/02/2022 06:42

If you don't trust him now, imagine in 10 yrs time. Let him go. Its unfair on him otherwise, he deserves to be with someone who trusts him. And vice versa of course.

user94747295 · 06/02/2022 06:45

How do you know he has added someone on Instagram? I thought that feature no longer existed. And how do you know he had liked her picture?

UnsuitableHat · 06/02/2022 06:46

Going on a hen, adding a girl and liking her photo doesn’t sound like much on its own especially if he has a lot of female friends. How else has he given you cause not to trust him?

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 06:58

Thank you for your answer. It is driving me mad. Like last night couldn’t sleep checked insta and found that, he has slept with the hen previously too. He hasn’t invited me to wedding as his plus one or anything, I know it all sounds terrible. Then he puts his spin on everything and then I question myself.
It’s literally stopped me sleeping this wknd as I have been worrying, it’s not healthy

OP posts:

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 06/02/2022 07:00

Leave him, you’re not happy

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 07:00

We have been together a year, he broke up with me once as he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, then recently it came out he got back with an ex so it was a lie. There are just so many niggles from things he says, it’s hard to explain it all.

OP posts:

OtiMama · 06/02/2022 07:00

Whether he is doing anything or not is kind of irrelevant, if you don't trust him there isn't really a proper relationship there. Either he is fine but you will spend every day questioning if that is the case or he isn't and you deserve better.

I would move on.

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 07:02

Friend no went up and I looked. Cause this is how crazy it’s made me. Her profile is open

OP posts:

user94747295 · 06/02/2022 07:02

You would have to know all of his friends on Instagram to be able to spot a new one?

So you scrolled through potentially hundreds of friends to find this new one?
That is unhealthy and if he is making you feel you need to do these kind of things I really would leave him.

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 07:11

I know it’s unhealthy. I don’t know how I have let myself get like this, it’s like I just need to prove so I can tell myself I haven’t gone mad. It’s ridiculous. I love him so it really hurts

OP posts:

Missnataliex · 06/02/2022 07:20

If he's slept with the hen, and then proceeded to attend her hen party, that in itself it's completely disrespectful and would raise alarm bells right away.

I understand that it's so hard to end a relationship when you're in love, and you have no physical proof. However, when our gut tells us something is off, we should most definitely listen to that.

At the end of the day if this has been a turbulent relationship from the beginning, do you really want to continue like this? You're only a year in and these should be the happiest times in your life.

You're doing yourself an injustice by staying in this relationship when he's making you feel like this and you're not sleeping, checking his followers and new friends he's added.

You'll make yourself unwell.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves and adores you and vice Versa!

Original poster

MiMw · 06/02/2022 07:25

Thank you, made me cry but u
Your right. And the whole sleeping with the hen, I almost wish he didn’t tell me. Why is she inviting him? It’s just odd

OP posts:

SportsMother · 06/02/2022 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missnataliex · 06/02/2022 07:26

Exactly! Please trust your gut instincts because it's almost never wrong.
Xxx

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