Not sure why people have to say you're shy, in front of everyone

[Ridiculeisnothingtobescaredof]

I've had this a few times. I'm 30 but get mistaken for younger, I'm softly spoken and quiet, I am shy with people i don't really know.
However when people say 'she/he is chatty/outgoing'. It's seen as a compliment.

On the other hand you wouldn't say 'she/he never shuts up' in front of people so why's it ok to point out shyness?

It happened to me this morning. A lady with dementia who i very occasionally look after, I've met them twice before. So i don't really know her or her husband, but the other carer goes every day nearly.

This other carer said to the lady's husband 'X says she's been here a couple of times before."

The husband replies as if I'm not there. "I know, she's very shy, she hides behind her mask."

What exactly am I supposed to say to that? How do these people want me to react?

It's not said to make me feel good or happy so what's the point? I also think they believe they can get away with it as they see me as a 'young girl'.

How would you react? Obviously I don't want to start discussions in front of the client with dementia or anyone else for that matter.

@Zippyunzipped

Well I think the OP just took her mask off. That husband was spot on.

Be quiet, you made a rude direct comment and were called out.

OP I can understand you can seem quiet but be good at your job. I work in debtors for a company (ringing customers to pay their bills). Colleagues who think I am 'quiet' can get a shock when they hear me being very assertive on the phone and not listening to excuses. They get a further shock when they see the stats as I am one of the highest performers at work yet come across as quiet and find small talk difficult.

The husband sounds socially insensitive. Maybe he in general prefers more outgoing people, but he was pretty rude in his expression of that. However, this is one of those threads where the OP asks AIBU and then proceeds to slap down anyone who thinks she is. What's the point of posting if you don't want to hear other viewpoints?

@Ridiculeisnothingtobescaredof I would be annoyed if someone said that about me. I don't think anyone deserves an explanation about the nitty gritties of your personality. It's perfectly normal to be shy or introvert imo. They both were rude. I hate it when people do this, like talking about you as if you are not there, if you know what I mean.

The first response that came to my mind was : you both do know that I am here right? Well that's not an accurate description about me. Smile. How about we start again, let me introduce myself.... I am so and so and then continue on to talk about the patient you are caring for or something job related. You are there to do your job, not to be judged by people. Hold your head high op you are fine and doing a great job!

@Ridiculeisnothingtobescaredof

Some of your disgusting attitudes reek too trust me

You aren’t coming across particularly well, OP.

I asked this earlier, but I’ll ask it again. As you’ve clearly decided that they were being rude and YANBU, why ask us? If you’re not willing to engage with alternative viewpoints, then what’s the point of this post?

This is your third post in as many days about being shy/introverted/feeling bad about yourself. You’re not taking on board what’s being said to you, yet you keep posting. What’s your deal?

@Zippyunzipped

Well I think the OP just took her mask off. That husband was spot on.

Well aren’t you a nasty little piece of work.

Is he quite old and out of touch? I think it’s sexist and paternalistic at best. It would annoy me too.

The man was very rude, it was a horrible thing to say about you. He seems very insensitive.
I am sure that you are a very kind and caring person and I am sure this comes across to the majority of your clients.
Try not to let it bother you. Some people are just never happy. It may be that he's anti masks.

I agree that the carers DH was rude. I can see why you were offended. Separately, I also think it odd and value laden to describe yourself as "softly spoken".