Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend’s dinner invitation

86 replies

ChorltonCreamery · 05/02/2022 10:34

I want opinions about my feelings and want to know if I am mad.
Been with my husband a few years and like most people I imagine go out together and separately. I tend to go out with other women he tends to go out with other men with an exception being a hobby which has both men and women.
Well I know this woman from school who coincidentally is a close friend of my cousin’s but whose kids are not in the same year. Her kids are in wraparound so she isn’t in playground but when I see her we have a lovely chat and she was at my cousin’s 40th.
Last week she was at school and she asked me to come round last night. I was really happy and was looking forward to it. I imagined it was going to be a few mum friends.
I got there and it was a full on dinner party with a couple and a few single friends including men.
I found myself feeling really really uncomfortable because I was out in that setting with men who weren’t my husband. She was very hospitable and it was genuinely a nice evening but I felt weird about it. I genuinely don’t think of myself as some Stepford Wife but I couldn’t shake off my awkwardness. Am I mad? Can’t tell my real friends in case I am mad! Would you feel weird or is it just me?

OP posts:
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 10:35

She should have mentioned it was for dinner. I don't get what your problem was with the guests though?

Original poster
ChorltonCreamery · 05/02/2022 10:37

Well she did say a bite to eat. Ok I am weird.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 10:41

Unless it was a swingers party you are being a bit dramatic...

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 10:42

@ChorltonCreamery

Well she did say a bite to eat. Ok I am weird.
You might not be! It might be me that's weird!
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 05/02/2022 10:43

You felt uncomfortable being in mixed company without your husband?! I can't get my head around why this is an issue at all, she knows you're married it was hardly a set up, just friends for dinner

GabriellaMontez · 05/02/2022 10:46

Yes its weird.

newnameforthis76 · 05/02/2022 10:47

You can’t be in the company of men who aren’t your husband? What? It was dinner, not speed dating. Calm down.

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 10:48

Are there cultural or religious factors at play?

neverbeenskiing · 05/02/2022 10:50

Was she mistakenly under the impression you're single and you got the sense she was trying to set you up with one of these men? If so I can see why that would feel awkward. But if not then I don't see the issue really.

Original poster
ChorltonCreamery · 05/02/2022 10:51

No cultural factors whatsoever, I have no idea why I felt like I did. Weird!

OP posts:
allinadaystwerk · 05/02/2022 10:52

Is this a cultural thing OP ?

minipie · 05/02/2022 10:54

I know what you mean OP. Round here dinners and nights out would either be couples, or “mums” or “dads”. If a single person is at a dinner with couples it’s generally because their OH couldn’t make it or they don’t have one. Wouldn’t generally invite a mixture of some couples and then one half of other couples.

I guess she is someone who invites the person she knows, and she doesn’t know your husband so didn’t invite him. It’s a perfectly reasonable approach, just not common in my world.

YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 10:56

Did you fancy one of the other guests? That can be a bit awkward

MeSanniesareBrannies · 05/02/2022 10:57

I’m very confused by what I just read. I don’t want to call you mad, but I find your viewpoint rather unusual.

Gosports · 05/02/2022 11:02

Of course OP was right to feel strange! I get it, OP, it seems like an odd thing to do, to invite you but not your husband. I wouldn’t have been uncomfortable exactly, but I would have been a bit perplexed.

saraclara · 05/02/2022 11:04

@minipie

I know what you mean OP. Round here dinners and nights out would either be couples, or “mums” or “dads”. If a single person is at a dinner with couples it’s generally because their OH couldn’t make it or they don’t have one. Wouldn’t generally invite a mixture of some couples and then one half of other couples.

I guess she is someone who invites the person she knows, and she doesn’t know your husband so didn’t invite him. It’s a perfectly reasonable approach, just not common in my world.

Yep. I'd find it slightly odd if I did have a partner, to be at a dinner party on my own while others are in couples.

Logically there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and it's not the company of men that would be the issue. I'd just be angsting and worrying if I'd misunderstood the invitation and that I was expected to have brought my partner.

InisnaBro · 05/02/2022 11:05

OP, you get that you’re allowed to have friends of both sexes, and that you don’t need to be chaperoned by your husband in mixed settings, right?

LimeSegment · 05/02/2022 11:05

I know what you mean OP, it's not that you can't be in male company without your husband, just that the group wasn't what you expected. If I invite someone out/over, especially someone I barely know, I explain the event - who's coming, what's happening and the reason/occasion.

Selttan · 05/02/2022 11:07

So she only invited you not you and your husband?

DSGR · 05/02/2022 11:07

I wouldn’t find this odd at all personally! But I wouldn’t care about who was single or in couples there.. I’d just be interested in chatting to new people

InisnaBro · 05/02/2022 11:09

I don’t get why you expected it to be ‘mum friends’ — did you expect a warning in advance that men were going to be present? Is there something you would have done differently if you known it was a mixed-sex dinner?

I mean, I have friends I know from the school run because our children are friends, but I’d certainly also view the kids’ dads as friends, too.

DHCaughtMeSoNC · 05/02/2022 11:10

@LimeSegment

I know what you mean OP, it's not that you can't be in male company without your husband, just that the group wasn't what you expected. If I invite someone out/over, especially someone I barely know, I explain the event - who's coming, what's happening and the reason/occasion.
I feel it would have been polite for her to say I've invited Steve and Bruce from work and Sue and Leanne from no.2 or whatever it is
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 05/02/2022 11:11

Why on earth do you feel weird if you are in company with men who are not your husband? Do you work OP? I dont understand what was weird about people gathering and having a good time?

Ikeptgoing · 05/02/2022 11:17

It is weird, she said come over for a bite to eat, that means 'we'll have a quick snack whilst chatting just us' . It doesn't hint at all of 'It is a dinner party where I will invite other couples, you in your own and some single men - none of whom you know and have no shared reason to know each other '

I'd feel a bit ambushed

I think when you're married or living with a partner dinner parties are usually married couples, long standing groups of friends if mixed or set groups like a girls dinner or running club dinner- not randoms a friend of your cousin has decided to bring together without mentioning it. I'd ask her next time ' who will be there ?' next time as she has form for surprises!

DHCaughtMeSoNC · 05/02/2022 11:18

It is weird, she said come over for a bite to eat, that means 'we'll have a quick snack whilst chatting just us' . It doesn't hint at all of 'It is a dinner party I agree she wasn't clear enough from the sounds of it

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.