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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sell family heirloom?

75 replies

ByMyName · 05/02/2022 10:08

We are quite minimalist as a family. I would rather splash out on a holiday than something material.

A few years ago, we were gifted a family heirloom. It is something of significant monetary value. It also has a “history” in our family, about someone doing something heroic. We would never have it on display. It is currently kept in a box in the attic. I do worry about it getting misplaced, lost or broken.

I want to sell it and split the money between my DCs. But the DCs may grow up and wish we had kept the item instead. We don’t need the money from it. I don’t like the responsibility and the hassle.

DH thinks that if I don’t want item, I should give it back to the donor and let him choose another recipient who would enjoy said item more.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Didioverstep · 05/02/2022 10:09

I would keep it. Then tell the kids to sell it and split the money in a few years time. Or after I died

Lou98 · 05/02/2022 10:12

DH thinks that if I don’t want item, I should give it back to the donor and let him choose another recipient who would enjoy said item more

If the person that gave you it is still around, I definitely wouldn't sell it without their permission, presumably they didn't pass it on to be sold.

I don't really get how having it in a box in the attic is "hassle and too much responsibility" though. If it's something your kids might like one day I'm not sure that selling it is better than it getting broken

As you've said you don't need the money, I would either keep it or do as your Husband said and give it back to whoever gave you it as I'm sure they'd rather it went to someone they knew than sold to a stranger

gogohm · 05/02/2022 10:12

Depends on the value and object. I wouldn't sell for £1000 or so as you may regret it whereas a larger sum say £50k artwork currently fashionable maybe selling and investing makes sense

Concestor · 05/02/2022 10:12

YABU don't sell family history. If you don't want it then either store it or give it to a family member who will look after it properly.

1099 · 05/02/2022 10:12

Is it the sort of thing other people would be interested in, maybe you could loan it to a museum or similar.

CounsellorTroi · 05/02/2022 10:15

Is it a gallantry medal?

Whatever it is I wouldn’t sell anything that has a family history like that.

VenusClapTrap · 05/02/2022 10:15

Nooo don’t sell it if you don’t need the money! Keep it for your kids. My parents sold a piece of furniture that had been handed down because they decided it didn’t go with their decor when they redecorated. I only found out as an adult when I asked where it was and if I could have it. Gutted.

OMGjustpickaname · 05/02/2022 10:15

If you don't desperately need the money, I'd keep it.
It's not doing any harm in the attic, no way it can get misplaced,lost or damaged if it's up there.

AdoraBell · 05/02/2022 10:18

I wouldn’t sell it, either give it back or keep it for your DC.

Star81 · 05/02/2022 10:20

Sorry, but you can’t sell something you were given of importance to someone who is still alive. You may think it would never be found out but these things have a habit of becoming known.

KTheGrey · 05/02/2022 10:22

There's an ongoing deep seated longing among several of the younger generation of my family for my Great Uncle's medals. Obviously the issue is that only one person can have them, so the others have photos / copies of the citations. Anyway - don't sell it. It may have significance to your children when they grow up that you wouldn't expect.

Thirkettle · 05/02/2022 10:24

Find someone else in the family who would appreciate it. I am currently trying to track down family medals, because I'd love them in my family, and would be sad if a cousin was considering selling. There'll be someone for whom it would be very special.

JugglingJanuary · 05/02/2022 10:25

@zurala

YABU don't sell family history. If you don't want it then either store it or give it to a family member who will look after it properly.

^. This

Redlorryyellowduck · 05/02/2022 10:33

Give it back to the person who gave it to you, they can give it to someone who wants it.
Anything else is just greed.

itwasntaparty · 05/02/2022 10:34

I wouldn't sell it. Keep it for the kids or give it back to whoever gave it to you.

Thelazygoat · 05/02/2022 10:39

It should stay in the family. If you needed the money it would be different. You do what you have to do to put food on the table. But since thats not the case. You should hang on to it in case your kids or someone else in the family would want it someday.

I love history and my mil is trying to make sure I am the keeper of the family history. Most of my DHs family heirlooms many worth a lot of money have been given directly to me rather than my DH, his brother or his wife because my mil knows I will love them and look after them. I do feel a big responsibility to look after these things because generations of the family before me have taken care of them. I don't have children so I will need to choose carefully who to pass these things on to. I take that responsibility very seriously. It would really upset me if they sold them just because it was too much hassle to keep them in the loft. Or only looked on these things in terms of financial value. When the true value to these items is the family history and stories connected to the items. I would much rather they say they don't want it and could I find someone else to give it too.

LaChanticleer · 05/02/2022 10:39

Totally UNREASONABLE and venal and mercenary.

If you don’t want it, give it back, or pass it on to another member of your family who might actually respect and appreciate it.

If it’s a medal, with the accompanying commendation, contact the Imperial War Museum. They would probably be interested. Of course, you wouldn’t get any money for it.

But you’d be doing the right thing.

Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 05/02/2022 10:43

Some people are not very attached to material possessions, and prefer a minimalist life without keeping items just because theg carry emotional baggage. I have a good friend who is like that. She’s amazing!

BUT most people aren’t like that. For most people, objects acquire sentimental value and act as memory triggers to remind us of people/situations long gone. Most people don’t sell their wedding rings for example.

If you are one of the former, minimalist, people, please do not make the mistake of trying to make the rest of your family like you. Your dc may one day be thrilled to have Grandad’s sword or medal or whatever it is. You’re its current custodian for the family, not its true owner.

(And if the person who gave it to you is still alive then selling it would be incredibly hurtful and rude. Shocked you’re considering it if they’re alive.)

Forget about selling it. Keep it for your DC but if you really can’t stand having a box in your attic, give it back saying you find the responsibility too overwhelming.

FluffyHaired · 05/02/2022 10:46

How much is it worth?

I have a similar dilemma in that I have inherited a piece of jewellery worth a lot and important to the previous owner. I love it and I want to keep it, not just in remembrance and because the person wanted me to have it, but because it's fabulous. But we aren't wealthy at all and god knows we could certainly use the money now, let alone giving it to my DC in the future. It's a dilemma (it's already cost me money adding it to the house insurance!). I love it though and wear it every day, I especially like it as it's just so "unlikely" someone living my life would have something like this

Also I have the dilemma in future of which DC to give it to as I have one piece of jewellery and lots of DC. Do you think about this too @ByMyName

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/02/2022 10:47

It's hardly a big deal to store it in the attic ,is it?

FluffyHaired · 05/02/2022 10:47

Also if you're worried about it being in the attic, rent a safety deposit box at your bank?

Ladywoodster · 05/02/2022 10:48

I don't believe heirlooms are ever yours to sell. They belong to the family, that's the whole point of them. You may not be interested but others in the family will be (if not now, then in the future) and will curse your flippant attitude to their family history.
Please don't sell. Once they're gone they're gone.
Maybe different if it was the choice between feeding the kids and keeping the heirloom but you say it's not, it's for a blow out holiday.

StarsAreWishes · 05/02/2022 10:48

This really shouldn’t have anything to do with money unless the person who entrusted you with it was clear that they didn’t care about it and were happy for you to sell.

Although you say you were “given” it, wouldn’t it more more accurate to say that you were entrusted with it. It was put in your care with the expectation of you taking care of it and passing it on. You seem to have recognised the obligation on some level, but are uncomfortable with it.

Discus it with the person who passed it on to you, with the suggestion you either loan it to a museum, put it in trust for your children, or return it to the donor for them to gift to another family member.

Everythingmagnolia · 05/02/2022 10:49

What is it?

Crimesean · 05/02/2022 10:52

Give it back to the donor so he/she can choose another family member who will actually value it.

Assuming you have family members still alive, it would be awful of you to sell it and keep the money all to yourself/your offspring.

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