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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sell family heirloom?

75 replies

ByMyName · 05/02/2022 10:08

We are quite minimalist as a family. I would rather splash out on a holiday than something material.

A few years ago, we were gifted a family heirloom. It is something of significant monetary value. It also has a “history” in our family, about someone doing something heroic. We would never have it on display. It is currently kept in a box in the attic. I do worry about it getting misplaced, lost or broken.

I want to sell it and split the money between my DCs. But the DCs may grow up and wish we had kept the item instead. We don’t need the money from it. I don’t like the responsibility and the hassle.

DH thinks that if I don’t want item, I should give it back to the donor and let him choose another recipient who would enjoy said item more.

What would you do?

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 05/02/2022 10:53

I've surprised myself with how strongly I feel about this. I'm not sentimental generally but I think it's pretty disgusting to consider selling something like this when you don't need the money.

If it's massive and hard to store or you object to its meaning, then maybe you could donate it to a museum or something, if no other relatives want it? My brother got my grandads medals when he died and I would be horrified if he sold them without asking anyone else if they wanted to keep them.

Lolamento · 05/02/2022 10:53

I would keep it. It can always be decided later.

Stressedout1009 · 05/02/2022 10:55

I think it would truly be horrible to sell it, just to be 'minimalist'. Your dh has a sensible idea in giving it back to the donor.

Ladywoodster · 05/02/2022 10:55

Although you say you were “given” it, wouldn’t it more more accurate to say that you were entrusted with it. It was put in your care with the expectation of you taking care of it and passing it on

Exactly this. It's not yours to profit from.

WhyYesYABU · 05/02/2022 10:57

I agree with your husband. Don't sell, give it back if you won't pass on. Or if it's of interest donate to a local museum where it can be visited by family members.

I should add I'm the queen of decluttering and my husband always jokes he has to nail stuff down to hold onto it, but I think this is different.

Beautiful3 · 05/02/2022 10:58

You don't sell heirlooms. You keep it in the family. I have one, in my loft!

AnotherForumUser · 05/02/2022 10:59

@LaChanticleer

Totally UNREASONABLE and venal and mercenary.

If you don’t want it, give it back, or pass it on to another member of your family who might actually respect and appreciate it.

If it’s a medal, with the accompanying commendation, contact the Imperial War Museum. They would probably be interested. Of course, you wouldn’t get any money for it.

But you’d be doing the right thing.

This. If keeping a family heirloom in a small box out of the way is so hard for you then contact the giver and return it. It would be better if someone who appreciates such treasures had it rather than someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Fairylightsongs · 05/02/2022 11:00

Keep it and let the kids sell it when older. It will be worth more. Let your husband take responsibility. I’m not sure why you are so concerned about that if it’s in a safe place.

It’s beyond awful to sell it when the giver is still alive. Your husband is right, at that point you give it back and say you don’t want it.

burnthur5t · 05/02/2022 11:01

It would be a really shitty thing to do

Hb12 · 05/02/2022 11:02

If it is a heroic act from your family's past (assuming medals or something) I really wouldn't sell it. The only right thing to do if you can't bear it being on your attic and you're not prepared to take responsibility for looking after it is to give it back to the person it came from. I'm a little gobsmacked you'd sell it over returning it.

Hb12 · 05/02/2022 11:03

You are just a custodian of it for your family, it is not your right to remove it from the family for money.

W00B00 · 05/02/2022 11:04

There’s a VC in my family which is on more or less a permanent loan to a museum.

I think the person gave it to you for you to keep and pass on rather than sell.

Either, loan it out to a museum or put it in a safe deposit box and leave it to an interested DC or other relative.

RubyKitty · 05/02/2022 11:04

@zurala

YABU don't sell family history. If you don't want it then either store it or give it to a family member who will look after it properly.
This. How selfish to try and profit from it
Fairylightsongs · 05/02/2022 11:04

I’m gobsmacked too. I know for some grabby folks money is king but for this person to find out you flogged it would cause such pain, it’s just awful and I can’t even begin to understand how you’d even consider it.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/02/2022 11:06

If you were absolutely desperate for money then you would not be unreasonable to sell it (even then I think you should ask the donor first). Whilst it is right gifts should not come with conditions, the passing on of heirlooms is a bit different. But you are not even in need of the money and it would be very unreasonable to sell it.

Surely you are sensible enough to find a safe place to keep the item where it won’t get lost or broken? Is losing and breaking important / valuable items an issue for you normally?

It seems as though the best course of action would be to give the item back to the donor. Or find a safe place for it and stop fretting over it.

GabriellaMontez · 05/02/2022 11:08

You say you're "not material"

But you're thinking of selling a family heirloom with historical significance, to raise money that you don't need?

Where is the hassle in keeping it in a box in the loft?

Original poster
ByMyName · 05/02/2022 11:09

It’s not a medal but a bigger object. It’s been passed down a few generations. The original recipient chose to leave it to someone special who chose who the next recipient was etc etc. The object means an awful lot to the person who gave it to us. It’s part of our family’s history. He said he was giving it now as he didn’t want to die and have other potential heirs fight over it.

I personally am not a worthy recipient as I simply do not love anything material!

It’s unique and something that the right museum would want specially with the story that accompanies it. I could donate it but one of the DCs equally could love it when they are grown up.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 05/02/2022 11:09

I would keep it safe and let the kids decide what to do with it when you’re gone.
Or I’d sell it when they’re ready for house deposits if they are all happy for it to go.

Original poster
ByMyName · 05/02/2022 11:11

@W00B00

There’s a VC in my family which is on more or less a permanent loan to a museum.

I think the person gave it to you for you to keep and pass on rather than sell.

Either, loan it out to a museum or put it in a safe deposit box and leave it to an interested DC or other relative.

I never thought of this, thank you! A loan would be perfect!!! And the DCs could choose what they want to do in the future.

I think I worry about the responsibility of having it in the house… fire, water leak…

OP posts:
2old2beamum · 05/02/2022 11:12

I did the opposite I inherited a plate from my mother, it was left in the house when she abandoned me and left my father for her toyboy. When my father died it was given to me, I did not want it for various reasons and after a family discussion I sold it! At auction it made £5,000! Part of it paid for a rather swanky wheelchair for my son😀

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2022 11:13

Keep it for your kids. Then they can decide.

If you are uncomfortable having it in your house (although is it really that valuable?!) then lodge it in a bank safety deposit box (although make sure the info on where it is is well recorded - lots of these items are sitting unclaimed cos they’ve been forgotten about).

Namenic · 05/02/2022 11:17

I would return it to donor. Would not sell it unless I had first asked anyone with a family connection whether they wanted it.

LaChanticleer · 05/02/2022 11:17

I’ve surprised myself with how strongly I feel about this.

I feel strongly too, although it doesn’t surprise me.

My grandfather was a war hero (got one of the highest awards they can give you, just below the VC) as I’m not the eldest son of the eldest son, my cousin has it. If He told me he’d SOLD it for a nice holiday or whatever, I would be so rip-roaringly angry (he’s quite famous so i could go to the papers).

He never will though, (and I’d never go to the papers!) because he understands and RESPECTS what that medal means and what it stands for - the peoples lives our grandfather saved and the extraordinary selflessness he showed, without a second thought.

It’s eventually going to the IWM, as the story connected to it is quite interesting.

MayThePawsBeWithYou · 05/02/2022 11:17

Why is it in the attic, could it not be kept safer in a cabinet, its something to be immensely proud of and not hidden away or sold.

Lorw · 05/02/2022 11:24

Loan to a museum, you may regret selling it.

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