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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - returning from MAT leave - Full time training hrs??

70 replies

Aliiiiiib · 04/02/2022 21:12

So I’m due to return to work from my maternity leave very soon, I took the full year off.

The company is still WFH, but doing a ‘hybrid model’ soon. I had sort of been banking on being able to carry on WFH, although I know this isn’t really their problem, I do have my reasons. I left an abusive relationship, I’m a single parent and have severe anxiety about leaving my DS in general, also still BFing.
They agreed on my part time hours (short shifts across 4 days to allow DS to attend nursery mornings while I work)
I’m appealing with them to allow me to WFH, awaiting their decision. It has been a lot of back and fourth for weeks already about this, with them trying to just say no and trying to convince me not to put in a flexi working request because they already approved the hours…but these hours don’t work as I planned if it’s in office. It’s about 45 mins travel each way.

the point of the thread I have just been informed that training is 4 weeks, full time hours Monday-Friday. This is insane to me, what was the point on agreeing on the part time hours? Not to mention I told them of the issues I am having in my flexi working request.

This isn’t their normal procedure for returning from MAT leave (I did ask them) but the department I worked for before has been scrapped. So I’m returning to a different department and so they want me to take all of the training from scratch, as I did when I originally started there.
However, my former department always picked up the overflow from the one I’m going into anyway, it was so so similar.
majority of the training can be done from home, with about 9 days in total in the office.
I just don’t see how I can leave my 1 yr old that much for 4 weeks.

Am I expecting too much from my employer? Is this just not their problem, do I just suck it up and leave and find another job?

Also, it states in their maternity policy that you have to pay back the mat pay if you don’t return, but HR insisted this has never and will never be implemented.

OP posts:
januaryjam123 · 05/02/2022 05:08

Sorry not going to be much help, but hoping someone who leads HR or something will see and be able to help.

I think they could be a lot more understanding, quite crap that they aren't, especially since so many places would be nowadays. What do you need the training for? Are you not returning to the same job?

Re: your last paragraph, get that in writing from your HR in case it's what you decide to do.

PrincessNutella · 05/02/2022 05:23

It might be inconvenient for you, but it is not unreasonable for your employers to expect you to work where they want, not where you want.

Florin · 05/02/2022 05:40

Surely even if you are working from home you would still be apart from your baby anyway as you can’t expect to be allowed to work from home while also looking after your baby?

SpringChickenSubstitute · 05/02/2022 06:19

This is a tricky one. I don't work in HR but have 20 years in management so in my experience:

if you have been transferred to a new department because your old one was scrapped, during your maternity leave, what you are legally entitled to is the right to return to a role which has terms and conditions that are no less favourable than your previous job. In your old job, was there precedent for women returning from mat leave to be permitted to work part-time? Arguably your new job is less favourable if this is no longer allowed. What has happened to any one who was already working part-time when they were transferred to this new team? They can't agree that you are part time and then insist the training is full time.

Four weeks training is a lot, so makes me has ask, has your job title, job description and line manager changed? Did your employer communicate with you about the department restructuring at the same time as the other employees (they should have)? Did your employer offer you the same opportunities to apply for a new role as other employees (find out what happened from a friend at work - there must have been some kind of announcement of the changes; you should have had a letter at that time). If there were different new jobs created, you should have been given an opportunity to apply along with the other employees.

WFH is harder, because unless you have a disability you don't have a right to "reasonable adjustments". If your contract says your normal place of work is the office, then that's what it is. Are other employees still wfh and what is the company saying about everyone returning to work in the office (get in touch with friends at work to find out)?

If you have severe anxiety you could see your GP and get a diagnosis. If some of your anxiety is around travelling away from home, perhaps being worried about covid risk as you are a single mum and the only support to your child, perhaps this severe anxiety could be taken into account as requiring a wfh adjustment.

Ask if, while you are negotiating the longer term hours and location of work, they would agree to the part-time hours applying to the training, and ask if you would be allowed to do the first 11 days working from home, it gives you time.

Use this time to look for another job, there are so many companies offering hybrid working and surely closer to your home than 45 mins away?

Mumofsend · 05/02/2022 06:22

You would be ringing alarm bells that you would be WFH with a 1 year old. I don't think they are being unreasonable really.

XpressoMartini · 05/02/2022 06:48

I’m not sure this is going to work as your and your employer’s expectations are so miss aligned. I think you should look for another job which is closer to home. As for wfh, you should think twice about it, a hybrid model is the best of both worlds as surely you don’t want to be stuck at home 100% of the time. Going to the office is a great way to meet people, take a break from your life at home which sounds pretty stressful etc

Not sure playing the anxiety card as someone says above is the way forward. My office is riddled with support staff on leave for anxiety and the business is reaching a breaking point. If your company has already closed a department, they might not have a lot of wiggle room either to make these kind of adjustments.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 05/02/2022 06:50

YUBU about the place of work

YANBU about the 4 full weeks training- you should do your training in your working hours even if this takes longer than 4 weeks

TigerLilyTail · 05/02/2022 06:52

If you're working from home, you will still need to put your child into nursery.

The 45 minute commute isn't really your employers problem.

It is a lot of training. Can you negotiate shorter training?

TrufflesAndToast · 05/02/2022 06:57

@OnceuponaRainbow18

YUBU about the place of work

YANBU about the 4 full weeks training- you should do your training in your working hours even if this takes longer than 4 weeks

This. If hybrid working is company policy then making exceptions is a recipe for disaster. You can’t be expected to be treated like a special case. But if your working hours are set then your training should be provided within those hours.
ChateauMargaux · 05/02/2022 07:07

Do you generally like your job? Do you want to stay there long term? Are they generally good employers?

You are a single parent so your family relies on your job. I know it’s stressful to leave your baby and having left an abusive relationship will be adding to this. If you can find a way, I would do this.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/02/2022 07:12

short shifts across 4 days to allow DS to attend nursery mornings while I work

Posters seem to be missing this - OP is planning to put DS in nursery. It's just if she has to go into the office for full days, it's much longer.

OP, I think the training should be within your agreed hours. However, I don't think you can expect to work fully from home and should look for a balance of wfh / office.

Overthebow · 05/02/2022 07:13

YABU. Your employer wants you in the office, that’s your place of work so you go in.

YANBU about full time training though, it should be the same as your agreed part time hours.

hugr · 05/02/2022 07:18

@Florin

Surely even if you are working from home you would still be apart from your baby anyway as you can’t expect to be allowed to work from home while also looking after your baby?
Did you read the OP?
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 05/02/2022 07:19

Is your anxiety medically diagnosed? Are you receiving treatment? Sometimes you just need to bite the bullet and get on with it. WFH and then caring for an infant as a single parent sounds incredibly isolating, are you sure you wouldn't be better with some f2f interaction?

If you do have to commute then maybe you would be better finding a nursery beside your workplace?

Amichelle84 · 05/02/2022 07:19

I think you're being unreasonable here and expecting too much.

Your training should be in line with your new agreed hours though.

From reading your post I think it would do both of you good for you child to go to nursery.

Just because you are breastfeeding doesn't mean your employer has to be more flexible. If your baby is 1 then they wouldn't be having that much milk anyway and you can pump etc.

Lady1576 · 05/02/2022 07:19

Agree with pp: You can’t expect to work from home if they want you in the office, but training should be within your contracted working hours.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/02/2022 07:22

You can’t work from home and watch a 1 ear old at the same time, your employers are correct.

You work for your employer, they don’t work for you!

EarringsandLipstick · 05/02/2022 07:23

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

You can’t work from home and watch a 1 ear old at the same time, your employers are correct.

You work for your employer, they don’t work for you!

Good thing she's not planning to do that then!
hugr · 05/02/2022 07:24

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

You can’t work from home and watch a 1 ear old at the same time, your employers are correct.

You work for your employer, they don’t work for you!

Where in the OP does it say that she's going to WFH with her 1 yo at home?
hugr · 05/02/2022 07:25

@EarringsandLipstick
Good old MN - average reading comprehension of a 6 year old Grin

LadyPropane · 05/02/2022 07:27

I'm fairly certain that they can't insist you do 4 weeks of full-time hours for training. If you have properly agreed upon part time hours then they should be allowing you to complete the training within your agreed hours.

TigerLilyTail · 05/02/2022 07:34

Ok, so the problem is that, for example, if the OP has arranged to work from 9am to 12pm and nursery hours are 8.30 am to 12.30pm this will only work if she works from home. If she is working in the office there isn't enough time to drop off and pick up on time. Something like that?

UpDownRound · 05/02/2022 07:36

OP said the baby will go to nursery while she worked. Isn't the problem that she can't manage the nursery drop off if she has a 45 min commute.

Is childcare an issue for the 4 weeks training OP? Do you have a partner who can help? I think you've had some good advice but I'd just stop and think if the 4 weeks is doable. It really will fly by and your baby will be fine - they will likely have two good naps in that time. I say this as someone with a 12 month old who has just worked extra hours.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/02/2022 07:37

@EarringsandLipstick
Good old MN - average reading comprehension of a 6 year old grin**

Tedious and boring reply!!!

Her work has advised she will needs to be in work to carry out the training full time, her child is only in nursery part time, is Mickey Mouse watching the child for the other half of her training Hmm

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/02/2022 07:38

I'm fairly certain that they can't insist you do 4 weeks of full-time hours for training. If you have properly agreed upon part time hours then they should be allowing you to complete the training within your agreed hours.*

They can, with appropriate notice given.