AIBU - returning from MAT leave - Full time training hrs??

[Aliiiiiib]

So I’m due to return to work from my maternity leave very soon, I took the full year off.

The company is still WFH, but doing a ‘hybrid model’ soon. I had sort of been banking on being able to carry on WFH, although I know this isn’t really their problem, I do have my reasons. I left an abusive relationship, I’m a single parent and have severe anxiety about leaving my DS in general, also still BFing.
They agreed on my part time hours (short shifts across 4 days to allow DS to attend nursery mornings while I work)
I’m appealing with them to allow me to WFH, awaiting their decision. It has been a lot of back and fourth for weeks already about this, with them trying to just say no and trying to convince me not to put in a flexi working request because they already approved the hours…but these hours don’t work as I planned if it’s in office. It’s about 45 mins travel each way.

the point of the thread I have just been informed that training is 4 weeks, full time hours Monday-Friday. This is insane to me, what was the point on agreeing on the part time hours? Not to mention I told them of the issues I am having in my flexi working request.

This isn’t their normal procedure for returning from MAT leave (I did ask them) but the department I worked for before has been scrapped. So I’m returning to a different department and so they want me to take all of the training from scratch, as I did when I originally started there.
However, my former department always picked up the overflow from the one I’m going into anyway, it was so so similar.
majority of the training can be done from home, with about 9 days in total in the office.
I just don’t see how I can leave my 1 yr old that much for 4 weeks.

Am I expecting too much from my employer? Is this just not their problem, do I just suck it up and leave and find another job?

Also, it states in their maternity policy that you have to pay back the mat pay if you don’t return, but HR insisted this has never and will never be implemented.

Bless you OP please do go back to your GP. If you need help then you need help!

Your last update explains a lot OP. It is a bit overwhelming for most people going back to work but if you have anxiety too this compounds it. Please speak to your GP and see if they can help.

I read a lot about people thinking that they should stay wfh. But that was never normally the deal - most emploeyrs has their staff in an office ( exceptions obvs) until Covid hit. The. They tried to work round it. But this was an exceptional circumstance. If you worked in an office, you’re probably going to have to accept that you’re going back to the office eventually. Maybe you will be lucky and it might be p/t office and home etc, but all those companies paying rent for big empty office blocks? No way. It’s back to the office like it or not.
Working p/t and at home being a parent may be a massove help to people. But I’m my experience, p/t workers have had to sacrifice their ‘non working hours’ in order to attend training events/conferences etc. Where it’s reasonable, I believe the employer has the right to demand this. Especially when they have had to make staffing and job changes - you have to be given the same opportunities as other staff for training etc so I believe they must offer it.
As for paying back maternity - if you leave within a certain time - is 6/12 months ( maybe different ) it’s normal to pay back all or part of your maternity pay. I would never take someone’s word that they have never imposed this and would work with what the staff book says. - don’t count on this not being imposed unless you get it in writing.
Life changes when you have a baby, but employers only have to make reasonable business permitting allowances - they are not legally obliged to let you have everything you want.

It’s not next to the office. It. about 2 mins drive up the road from my house.

It’s the cost of extra nursery but also my own anxiety/ fears.

ExH has made it clear he wants to take my son from me (he’s still in prison but out soon) I’m putting measures in place, but realistically he does not care about a bit of paper telling him he can’t take him, he wouldn’t go through the courts anyway. He’s a horrible person.
Just for background, it’s recently come to light that a member of his family has accessed my DS medical records and got our new address. They knew we moved, I told them I don’t want them to know, they said they respected that and are on my side. Clearly not. That’s a whole other issue I guess. It’s just that it will take 2 seconds to figure out which nursery he’s at given it’s the closest to my new address.

The point being, I know I’m asking them for a lot. Maybe I should just leave this job.
Someone else mentioned hanging onto this job as it’s hard to enter a new job and be given the right part time hours - that’s my fear and why I’m trying so hard to hang onto this one. I did want to stick at this job long term.

I’m just tired of being short of money every month, it’s an extra stress I wanted to cut out. I have vivid dreams that my exH is standing over me while I’m in bed, and I’m stuck there. I hear the doorbell go in my dream, and wake up frozen.
I’m drained and wish someone else could make my big life decisions for me because I’m tired of doing it all myself.

That sounds so tough OP. Have you had some support or counselling through women's aid?

Have you made clear to nursery that there may be people not on the list who try to pick your son up? They are really hot on this and shouldn't do anyway but it might help put your mind at rest if you explain it to them?

That's a lot to deal with.

Do you have any family support at all?

It’s not unreasonable for employers to insist training is done, and if it needs to be in a four week block it is what it is

They can’t be expected to accommodate training for every individual requirement

@YeOldePotato

Have you made clear to nursery that there may be people not on the list who try to pick your son up? They are really hot on this and shouldn't do anyway but it might help put your mind at rest if you explain it to them?

Yes made them fully aware, I’m pretty confident in them, they have a video doorbell and good security. Still makes me nervous to think I could be that far away, or having to have someone else to pick-up/ drop offs at times

I hear you. Its a nervewracking time x

Is the alternative being made redundant if your former role no longer exists ? There should be an alternative programme for training part timers. Tbh while it may have been "agreed" informally this may be indicative of future expectations.

It sounds to me like they’re hoping you’ll leave. My old employers had a quiet policy of getting rid of mothers with babies after the Matl, because they knew mothers can’t work late. It was a combination of objecting as much as possible to any flexi/ part time work requests while bedning over backwards to be clear that they didn’t expect any if the maternity pay to be repaid if the mother would just quit.

You guys might not be doing that, but they might… The fact that they’re demanding a lot of fill time training for anjob you’re alreqdy competent at hints at this…

Anyway there isn’t much you can do unfortunately. You don’t have the right to work from home / part time unless they agree.

There are so many issues OP that it's hard for you to separate them out. Do you have any family or friends to support you? If your ex is in prison you are safe from him for now.

@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea

There are so many issues OP that it's hard for you to separate them out. Do you have any family or friends to support you? If your ex is in prison you are safe from him for now.

I have amazingly supportive family around me. I just keep going back and fourth but you’re right there’s so many issues. Whenever I reach a decision on what I want to do, something new comes up. I think I’ll just leave this job, already have DS scheduled to start his first half day at nursery Monday (planned to settle him in ahead of starting back to work, so we could both get used to it) I think I’ll go ahead with sending him, then see what other job I can get as quickly as possible. I know, I’m glad he’s not out this month at least, but could only be 1-2 months left.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

YUBU about the place of work

YANBU about the 4 full weeks training- you should do your training in your working hours even if this takes longer than 4 weeks

I agree with this. I don’t work strictly in HR but I am a manager who does HR. I probably wouldn’t agree to the WFH if others aren’t getting that, but I wouldn’t expect someone who we have agreed can be PT to do FT hours for 4 weeks on returning from mat leave. If anything I have often worked it the other way around, agreeing to say 3.5 days a week perm but a phased return.

Ask if you qualify for redundancy rather than resign.

I'd definitely start looking for a new job before making a decision about your old job. The commute is very long for such short hours. Hopefully you can find something better closer to you.

* Also, it states in their maternity policy that you have to pay back the mat pay if you don’t return, but HR insisted this has never and will never be implemented.*

Verbally or in writing

OP I haven’t read the full thread, just your updates, so sorry if this has already been suggested.

Could you propose a phased return to the office, so that you stay wfh for (for example) the next three months while your baby settles at nursery, then return to the office 1 day a week etc. As maternity policies normally allow for flex in return, I don’t think this cuts across their general policy in a problematic way. We have agreed something similar for one of my team for six months while she comes back.

I realise this doesn’t help with the training issue though.

Sounds like you are in a tough situation- wish you all the best.

Don't leave the job unless you have something else in place..

Take a proposal to your boss.. offer to phase the training.. get your supportive family to support you and see if they can help.