AIBU - returning from MAT leave - Full time training hrs??

[Aliiiiiib]

So I’m due to return to work from my maternity leave very soon, I took the full year off.

The company is still WFH, but doing a ‘hybrid model’ soon. I had sort of been banking on being able to carry on WFH, although I know this isn’t really their problem, I do have my reasons. I left an abusive relationship, I’m a single parent and have severe anxiety about leaving my DS in general, also still BFing.
They agreed on my part time hours (short shifts across 4 days to allow DS to attend nursery mornings while I work)
I’m appealing with them to allow me to WFH, awaiting their decision. It has been a lot of back and fourth for weeks already about this, with them trying to just say no and trying to convince me not to put in a flexi working request because they already approved the hours…but these hours don’t work as I planned if it’s in office. It’s about 45 mins travel each way.

the point of the thread I have just been informed that training is 4 weeks, full time hours Monday-Friday. This is insane to me, what was the point on agreeing on the part time hours? Not to mention I told them of the issues I am having in my flexi working request.

This isn’t their normal procedure for returning from MAT leave (I did ask them) but the department I worked for before has been scrapped. So I’m returning to a different department and so they want me to take all of the training from scratch, as I did when I originally started there.
However, my former department always picked up the overflow from the one I’m going into anyway, it was so so similar.
majority of the training can be done from home, with about 9 days in total in the office.
I just don’t see how I can leave my 1 yr old that much for 4 weeks.

Am I expecting too much from my employer? Is this just not their problem, do I just suck it up and leave and find another job?

Also, it states in their maternity policy that you have to pay back the mat pay if you don’t return, but HR insisted this has never and will never be implemented.

Where I work we sometimes have an outside agency or an internal trainer from another area office come in and do the training, usually for a group of us at a time. We had plenty of notice, to avoid leave etc. And sort out childcare. Perhaps if this is what Is going to happen you may have to - for those 4 weeks - just go with the request. Otherwise how would you get up to speed if you're missing parts of the training, if this is what is happening surely you can't expect everyone else to take so much longer to train just to fit in with you?

Anyway the point of the thread is about the training. I don't think you are unreasonable about that. I have a similar issue with my work who is trying to insist I do mandatory monthly training on my day off. I think 4 weeks training is way too long! Hopefully, someone will know the legality of this for you.

Just to reassure you, your body and baby will adjust to being able to breastfeed morning and after work, not during the day Monday to Friday. Then once the training is over, on the days you're allowed to WFH your body will, if your baby wants, up its supply once more to be able to do a lunch feed too although at one your baby might not be as fussed having had a month without lunch boob.

Personally I would really try and make it work with your current company. It would be very difficult to find a new job where you wish for specific pt hours and wfh. Most jobs are ft as standard.

I found it really hard going back to work after mat leave each time but very quickly got into the swing of it. By 1 most babies only need breast milk morning and night and if you are not quite there yet they will quickly adjust.

I think you need to try and show a bit more flexibility. It cannot be all about what you want. Ultimately you are an employee and you are being paid to do a job. It sound like your employer is trying hard and has already made a lot of concessions to what you want. They also need to show fairness to other employees. I am returning to the office shortly after two years wfh due to covid. I would like to continue to wfh but recognise I need to be treated in line with my colleagues. I will therefore increase the childcare I need to accommodate now needing to commute

I think you need to try and show a bit more flexibility. It cannot be all about what you want. Ultimately you are an employee and you are being paid to do a job.
It works both ways: ultimately they are an employer and paying OP for her time and service. She’s not getting paid for nowt, so they can say “jump”. She provides labour.

OP, I think unfortunately YABU about the workplace – I prefer WFH for the commute factor and how it impacts childcare sessions, and less morning stress, etc, but I had to switch jobs to find that. For a while you might need to pay for extra childcare to cover your commute time, while also job-hunting for WFH roles.

YANBU about the training. They should be making concessions and being flexible there: not everyone has easy access to full-time childcare for four weeks! If you’re part-time, you’re part-time. Not “part-time unless we fancy making you do some training, or an away day, or any other bullshit”.

Most the offices I know are doing the hybrid model now. I think you're going to have to go in. Or put in your formal flexi request. Or find a wfh job.

This should have been a flexi request from the start imo and its causing issues now.

The training hours are unreasonable.
I had a similar issue with nursery hours before so I choose a nursery close to work rather than close to home

Can you ask what what breastfeeding facilties are like?

Just to be clear - I absolutely would not be WFH and looking after my DS at the same time. That’s totally unsustainable and unfair to him. He would be in nursery.

Thank you your response of helpful. Yes I was actually aware that the department was being scrapped before going on maternity leave, it had been announced months before covid hit but they pushed it back because of something to do with their commitments to one of our main clients (it was all really disorganised, big announcement to spring it on people, demanding a decision about their new department within the week and then nothing about it for ages)
Then covid hit, lockdown etc. but they did say everything will have changed by the time I return.
Everyone did the 4 week training for the new department they entered, not sure what their existing part time employees did for this though.

@WTF475878237NC

Just to reassure you, your body and baby will adjust to being able to breastfeed morning and after work, not during the day Monday to Friday. Then once the training is over, on the days you're allowed to WFH your body will, if your baby wants, up its supply once more to be able to do a lunch feed too although at one your baby might not be as fussed having had a month without lunch boob.

Thank you for this. I’ve been told similar already but hearing it again is reassuring. It’s the bond part of it too, and I don’t want to shock him, how can I go from being there for him 24/7 to leaving him 9+ hours a day. I’ll barely see him for a whole month since he sleeps 12 hours 🙁

not sure what their existing part time employees did for this though

Well that's the key question to ask.

YABU to expect full time wfh though, most companies seem to be hybrid now.

@TigerLilyTail

Ok, so the problem is that, for example, if the OP has arranged to work from 9am to 12pm and nursery hours are 8.30 am to 12.30pm this will only work if she works from home. If she is working in the office there isn't enough time to drop off and pick up on time. Something like that?

She hasn’t said where the nursery is - it could be next door to her office!

Also to add i continued to BF when I went back to work, 9-5 and it worked just fine. Supply is very adaptive by that point.

There is a charity called Working Families - they run a legal advice helpline - workingfamilies.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/ - and the advice is so helpful please give them a call.

I’d suggest that if you can’t do any WFH, you do fewer, longer days. So 2 days full time, with your son in nursery full time. You’ll save yourself in hours travelling - if it’s a 45 minute commute, that’s 6 hours over 4 days, as opposed to 3 hours over 2 days. You’ll half your travel costs too. Your DS will be absolutely fine in nursery full time! Then you’ll have 3 days plus weekends at home with him.

@Florin

Surely even if you are working from home you would still be apart from your baby anyway as you can’t expect to be allowed to work from home while also looking after your baby?

I agree. Can't WFH and look after a child

The op is very clear that she has arranged nursery for the hours that she has negotiated to work. The issue is they want her FT for the first 4 weeks - which is an issue because nursery is booked for mornings only - and op KNOWS she cannot do this training with her dc around. It is really clear, if you read it!

[quote HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend]****@EarringsandLipstick**
Good old MN - average reading comprehension of a 6 year old grin**

Tedious and boring reply!!!

Her work has advised she will needs to be in work to carry out the training full time, her child is only in nursery part time, is Mickey Mouse watching the child for the other half of her training [/quote]
Jesus just read the post! OP knows this is a problem, that's why she's asking! She never suggested WFH with her DS there.

Could one of the better members of staff train you up part time? Then do their job the rest of the time? Might be good career progression for them.

So - training aside, which is a one off complication - is the real problem that you were banking on only paying half days at nursery, whereas if you have to travel to work you’ll need to pay for full days?

I think YABU, and a bit short sighted, to assume that you could work entirely from home. In a hybrid model, childcare should allow for a commute - even if you’re not doing it daily. Time to renegotiate your hours - both work and nursery - to 3 days.

If you work those days you need to be available to attend the office. If training goes on beyond your part time hrs they can ask you to extend your hours for a couple of weeks but can’t force you. But then you’re in a position where you’re not trained to do your job. We have a lot of people not wanting to return to work but we are doing 40% min and to be honest that’s a fair work / life balance. I think if people struggle with that they are welcome to find another work that allows full time home working as this one doesn’t

@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea

Is your anxiety medically diagnosed? Are you receiving treatment? Sometimes you just need to bite the bullet and get on with it. WFH and then caring for an infant as a single parent sounds incredibly isolating, are you sure you wouldn't be better with some f2f interaction?

If you do have to commute then maybe you would be better finding a nursery beside your workplace?

Has been medically diagnosed in the past, I had CBT for this. Genuinely afraid to mention it now since there is social services involvement due to my ExH’s charges. Nothing to do with me as a parent, but don’t want to give anyone reason to doubt me. I am struggling with the anxiety and some days it does make it seem impossible to leave the house but my son Doesn’t suffer for this, I don’t let anything impact him.

@oatmilk4breakfast

There is a charity called Working Families - they run a legal advice helpline - workingfamilies.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/ - and the advice is so helpful please give them a call.

Thank you so much for this x