AIBU to think dead people’s letters should die with them?

[Hyggemama]

Just curious what people’s opinions are on this after having an experience which made me a bit uncomfortable.
Background: When elderly relatives of mine died recently some other relatives took it upon themselves to trawl through their historic personal letters. Granted some were circa 1930s/40s so had really interesting first hand accounts of historical events. However I also felt that a lot was probably very private and deeply personal, e.g. those written during teenaged years. I wouldn’t want my future relatives to be reading WhatsApps I sent when I was 15. But on the other hand dead people can’t be mortified can they?!
Anyway, I’d be interested to know do you think… please vote
YANBU: it’s an invasion of privacy, personal correspondence should not be read by others after death.
YABU: Out of respect for their lives / history I actually want to find out as much as I can and am entitled to read through their letters etc

My late relatives' personal letters are among my most treasured possessions.

I read through a relative's letters and found some very important information, I'm glad I read them. Some letters I skim read when they were very personal. Sometimes it's nice to have a reminder of them in their own words

I agree.

My grandma died 10 years ago. She'd kept a journal for many years that of us knew about. I didn't even open them. I respected her privacy in life so why wouldn't I in death?

When my DGM died we did flick through letters between her and DGF but quickly realised they weren't ours to do that. Had we found them earlier we would have cremated them with her, so we did the next best thing and burnt them in the fire. Not anyones to read imo.

I agree with you.

Surely they couldn't have been that mortified by the contents of the letters if they have kept and preserved them for 80-90 years? I certainly wouldn't be keeping WhatsApp messages knocking about for that long! And I'd presume they would have known they would be going to die and that their relatives would likely read their letters due to historical significance, yet they didn't get rid of them.

I disagree. I have a lot of my grandpa’s letters and journal. Some letters started back when he was a child, some are in his final years. They are a most treasured possession.

I feel very very strongly they if someone wanted you to read their letters they would have shown them to you.

I hate letters and diaries of the dead being read and shared. I deserve the same privacy in death as I enjoy in life. I love my family dearly, but when I'm gone they can just keep their noses out.

Oh no. I hope all my journals are kept and read. I'll be dead so it won't matter to me but I would like to think my grandchildren might get to know me better and hopefully get some useful insights into life from them.

Any historian would be horrified at the very idea that personal letters should be destroyed! They are interesting historical documents, always to the family and descendants, and sometimes in a wider historical context too.
I was overwhelmed that, while clearing the PIL’s house after their death, we found the letters my late DH had written home from boarding school in the 1960s. I took them home with me, and treasure having them as a little piece of his childhood.

YABU I have all the letters my grandparents kept in their lifetimes and my great grandmothers personal diaries. The dead dont care and they are a wonderful piece of history for the family. I have written diaries for 50 years and my son is welcome to do what he wants with them when I am gone.

They might be useful for anyone researching their family tree. I don't think privacy is an issue in itself, unless a living relative might be affected by any disclosures.

I think if you’ve got anything you don’t want anyone to see, you destroy it you don’t keep it. I keep diaries and have stacks of old letters, I would love my family to read them when I’m gone.

I wouldn't want any of my private letters passed on to relatives or worse, put on public display.

I mean, imagine if our private text messages and emails were picked over because they were considered quaint and entertaining in years to come? Awful.

I couldn't vote because I think a bit of both.
I certainly wouldn't want to leave anything behind that would hurt people I love and I think that I might have to have a bit of a clear out when I retire / move. I have letters from and diaries about "the one who got away" which I wouldn't choose to shred but I wouldn't want for DP to read them, as I think it would upset him, and make him doubt the early days of our early relationship.

But from the other side, I am quite pleased I got a sense of my grandparents as carefree 20-somethings in their 1930s letters, as obviously I didn't know them until they were elderly.

I think it depends. I'd probably burn love letters, it would feel voyeuristic to read them. On the other hand, my great-grandfather wrote letters from the front line of WW1 back to his family. They're still in existence, and I'd say that they're a historical artifact worth using and preserving.

Under your terms, we wouldn’t have a ton of historically important information. Anne Franks diary anyone?

Why do people keep diaries?

Ultimately, they are to be read.

Same for letters too imo.

@Allthekittycats

Under your terms, we wouldn’t have a ton of historically important information. Anne Franks diary anyone?

I actually hated reading Anne Frank's diary. She didn't intend it to be read by the likes of me and it felt intrusive.

@FourTeaFallOut

I wouldn't want any of my private letters passed on to relatives or worse, put on public display.

I mean, imagine if our private text messages and emails were picked over because they were considered quaint and entertaining in years to come? Awful.

Yep. All of that.

When I'm dead you can read anything I wrote - it gives an insight into me as a real person

I couldn't care less about my great grandchildren reading about my extremely active sex life when I was a teenager 🤷‍♀️

@RedToothBrush

Why do people keep diaries?

Ultimately, they are to be read.

Same for letters too imo.

I kept a diary for a year or two so that I could look back on things and remember them..I never for one moment expected anyone else to read them, and I'd be mortified if they did..

One of my grandmothers died before I was born. A few years ago I was able to read a letter she wrote to her parents-in-law shortly after she married my grandpa (they were married abroad during the war, so nobody could go to the wedding, and she hadn’t met any of them). It was really moving- she was very young, and it really came across how much she loved Grandpa, and how happy and excited she was. I’m really glad the letter survived and I was able to read her own words.

I think if you don’t want them to be read you would got rid long time ago. If you kept an up-to date journal you could ask someone on your death to destroy it. If you made no provision then you have no reason to complain. Even if you had them in locked box with the key details in your will so only one person would know, always a way around.

We have some of my grandfather's letters from WW2 which are an amazing insight into his experience. We also have some of the love letters between him and my grandmother which have helped us understand them both much better.