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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wasn't home when DH got back

65 replies

ChristmasAdam · 04/02/2022 17:29

Is it so terrible that he had to wait for me?

We currently have one key (just moved in, yes I know we really need spares) and I was just in town with the kids, trying to make my way back with a toddler refusing to walk. DH calls annoyed that I am not home just after 4pm as he wants to go to the gym. He finishes work at 4pm but generally stays a bit later to get stuff done. Anyway, he rarely tells me his plans and seemed to suggest that he shouldn't have to?! He's now gone off, presumably to the gym before picking DD up from nursery but once again I have no idea. I daren't ask Sad

I'm not sure what I've done wrong other than not communicating about being stuck in town with little ones! I don't feel like I should just sit at home and wait for him to get back either...

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/02/2022 17:30

You dont dare ask? That's a worrying comment

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 17:31

You dont know if hes picked up your child from nursery or not?

felulageller · 04/02/2022 17:32

He sounds a peach!

gamerchick · 04/02/2022 17:32

He needs to communicate better and you need a another key.

A few fuck offs would have been uttered in your shoes though

SummerInSun · 04/02/2022 17:32

Message him and ask him to get a couple more keys cut (so you have one each and one spare) on the way home.

Mummytobe93 · 04/02/2022 17:32

Life happens, he could be more understanding but also you should let him know you’re running late given that you had the key.

It’s extremely irresponsible though to have only one key. Get another key cut or get a key safe.

Original poster
ChristmasAdam · 04/02/2022 17:33

@Notimeforaname I'm sure he will as the one thing he did say to me was about not having long enough in the gym before nursery pick up.

OP posts:
TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/02/2022 17:33

Um... Why doesnt he pop along to the key cutters before he goes to the gym. This is a situation entirely of his own making. Not good that you're afraid of him.

pictish · 04/02/2022 17:33

Does he talk to and treat you like an underling in general?

GiantSpider · 04/02/2022 17:33

YANBU and he sounds like he thinks a lot of himself.

Original poster
ChristmasAdam · 04/02/2022 17:34

I agree re key. Going to get some first thing tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Mummytobe93 · 04/02/2022 17:34

Seems that communication is the key issue here (no pun intended).

You didn’t let him know he’s running late, he didn’t let you know he’s going to be home dead on time, now he’s gone without telling you where. Are you going through some quiet days or something?

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 17:35

I'm sure he will as the one thing he did say to me was about not having long enough in the gym before nursery pick up.

Well then he needs to get a key cut. Is there any reason why he wont get this done? He was home at 4pm...time to go gym and pick up child yet cannot get a key cut?

ChittyBangs · 04/02/2022 17:36

You both need to talk.

Quick text, running late back from town, should be home X time.

Him, leaving work on time today.

Key first job tomorrow.

Don't stress about it. Long as you know if your child is picked up from nursery or not 🙈

Original poster
ChristmasAdam · 04/02/2022 17:38

@mummytobe93 sort of, I just lost track of time with the toddler being well, a toddler. He's not the best at communicating and I guess I've just adapted.

OP posts:
Wandamakesporridge · 04/02/2022 17:40

Why wouldn’t he want to tell you his plans? When the kids were younger I would ask DH to let me know what time he was getting home from work so I could plan the dinner, bedtime etc. and also if he was going out anywhere after work. What do you mean, you daren’t ask? Why not?

LIZS · 04/02/2022 17:43

And he could not get a key cut?

DePfeffoff · 04/02/2022 18:09

[quote ChristmasAdam]@Notimeforaname I'm sure he will as the one thing he did say to me was about not having long enough in the gym before nursery pick up.[/quote]
Poor little flower. If he wanted to maximise his time in the gym, he should have taken his stuff with him in the morning - it would make more sense than having to go home first.

Does he expect you to sit at home almost permanently just in case HIs Majesty should come home unexpectedly early and require entry? Or are you supposed to be able to read his mind.

BrioLover · 04/02/2022 19:06

My DH's reaction to this would have been "FFS I should have gotten a key sorted already. Are you ok? Do you need me to come and help with The Toddler Who Refuses To Walk?"

It's a bit off he got all huffy when he didn't tell you that he needed to get in the house at a certain time. You're not his staff.

Thewoolmill · 04/02/2022 19:09

He doesn’t sound very nice. Does he expect you to know his plans via osmosis? He’s an adult, he could easily tell you. The most worrying part is that you seem afraid of him.

Gizacluethen · 04/02/2022 19:11

You both need to communicate better. I don't understand how couples, especially with kids, don't know eachothers plans. Especially when you only have one key.

Anonymous48 · 04/02/2022 19:14

You daren't ask?

FetchezLaVache · 04/02/2022 19:14

I don't understand why he didn't just go straight to the gym from work or why he needed you to be at home. Confused

Takenoprisoner · 04/02/2022 19:15

Does he realise how frantic yet slow life with small dc is, especially when out and about?

Do you generally walk on eggshells around him? I think this incident is probably revealing of your relationship. Also, that you don't know for sure whether he is picking up dd and don't dare ask is quite worrying.

deeplyrooted · 04/02/2022 19:16

@BrioLover

My DH's reaction to this would have been "FFS I should have gotten a key sorted already. Are you ok? Do you need me to come and help with The Toddler Who Refuses To Walk?"

It's a bit off he got all huffy when he didn't tell you that he needed to get in the house at a certain time. You're not his staff.

That’s how my dh would have reacted too.

Yours might need a reminder that you’re his wife not his employee.