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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wasn't home when DH got back

65 replies

ChristmasAdam · 04/02/2022 17:29

Is it so terrible that he had to wait for me?

We currently have one key (just moved in, yes I know we really need spares) and I was just in town with the kids, trying to make my way back with a toddler refusing to walk. DH calls annoyed that I am not home just after 4pm as he wants to go to the gym. He finishes work at 4pm but generally stays a bit later to get stuff done. Anyway, he rarely tells me his plans and seemed to suggest that he shouldn't have to?! He's now gone off, presumably to the gym before picking DD up from nursery but once again I have no idea. I daren't ask Sad

I'm not sure what I've done wrong other than not communicating about being stuck in town with little ones! I don't feel like I should just sit at home and wait for him to get back either...

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
MissManagable · 04/02/2022 21:25

Who's got the key now......?Confused

Hyggemama · 04/02/2022 21:29

Just FYI from my experience “daren’t ask” can be a fairly regional thing. In certain regions or even amongst certain families sure it points to fear / potential abuse. Amongst others it doesn’t have the same connotations. It’s more like “oops, I’ve probably slightly annoyed someone so I’ll try not to make it worse lol”. I actually heard this from a friend using the phrase and questioned them on it thinking the first and they explained the second.

StoneofDestiny · 04/02/2022 21:41

Geez - if he's that grizzly I'd get him another key cut to another house.

VodselForDinner · 04/02/2022 21:42

You sound frightened of him.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2022 21:47

I'm astonished that between two adult human beings not one of you was smart enough to get keys cut.

MushMonster · 04/02/2022 21:55

You are in town you say, get a copy of the key and give it to him!
All done!

Sh05 · 04/02/2022 22:16

To be fair op has said they've just moved so key cutting is obviously something they do intend to do, just haven't got round to yet.
Sounds like he Was expecting you to be in waiting for him when he doesn't generally have a fixed time that he gets home? If so he's being unreasonable to expect you to always be in by 4 just in case he arrives on the doroone day.

Sh05 · 04/02/2022 22:16

*on the dot! One day

Anonymous48 · 07/02/2022 16:25

@BoredZelda

You know there is only one key so it seems reasonable to keep him informed of your whereabouts. A quick text - "Hey, the kids and I are going out. We should be back around 4:30." He could have responded - "Any chance you could try and get back a bit earlier so I can go to the gym?"

Bullshit. He should have texted to say he was going to be home earlier than usual, would she be in? Or is the default that he expects her to be at home waiting for him to come back?

My response was not bullshit - fuck you @BoredZelda!

Yes, he should have texted her as well. It's called communication. I never said she should be waiting at home for him to come back, but if she wasn't going to be at home it would have been reasonable for her to inform him of that fact.

BoredZelda · 07/02/2022 16:35

if she wasn't going to be at home it would have been reasonable for her to inform him of that fact.

It is bullshit. Why should she? Why is she expected to let her husband know her every movement but he can come and go as he wishes? You later add "yes he should have texted" but that wasn't your initial comment, was it? You initially said it was her job to let him know when she would be out. Communication works both ways, but you put the responsibility on the OP first to be the one who let him know she would be out. Why is that? Why not him first?

CrinklyCraggy · 07/02/2022 16:59

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

Um... Why doesnt he pop along to the key cutters before he goes to the gym. This is a situation entirely of his own making. Not good that you're afraid of him.
Umm because OP has the key Grin
Anonymous48 · 07/02/2022 17:05

@BoredZelda

if she wasn't going to be at home it would have been reasonable for her to inform him of that fact.

It is bullshit. Why should she? Why is she expected to let her husband know her every movement but he can come and go as he wishes? You later add "yes he should have texted" but that wasn't your initial comment, was it? You initially said it was her job to let him know when she would be out. Communication works both ways, but you put the responsibility on the OP first to be the one who let him know she would be out. Why is that? Why not him first?

The first sentence of my first comment was "I do think you're both in the wrong though". Because it had already been established that he was being unreasonable. I was pointing out that she had a role to play in the lack of communication as well.
Parpophone · 07/02/2022 17:13

@SummerInSun

Message him and ask him to get a couple more keys cut (so you have one each and one spare) on the way home.
How could he do this without having an actual key to be copied?

...and if he did have an actual key then there would have been no need for him to text OP in the first place.

CrinklyCraggy · 07/02/2022 17:18

So everyone slating the DH would be fine if they got home from work, at the expected time in the freezing cold to find their spouse was out with the only key?

I'd be mightily unimpressed, but no one would actually be scared of me, which OP seems to be. That is the problem.

Sally872 · 07/02/2022 17:23

He is annoyed that his plan to go to the gym can't happen. He will be annoyed at the key not being cut himself for not checking you were home and wished you would have told him. He is annoyed at situation which is unfortunate but nobody's fault. Get the key cut ASAP then it is no longer an issue.

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