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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should the bride pay for her own hen party?

77 replies

justhaveagingerbiscuit · 03/02/2022 22:22

Just that -

YABU - bride should pay for her own hen weekend

YANBU - bridesmaids should pay for the brides portion of the hen weekend

OP posts:
Larryyourwaiter · 04/02/2022 07:06

In my youth when hen dos were a meal out and a few drinks, I think we did pay. It would be a few pounds.
Now when you are spending hundreds just attending the wedding. No chance. I find the whole thing bizarre.

shouldistop · 04/02/2022 07:09

I paid for myself, I'd never expect my guests to pay. I didn't have an expensive one, only a meal and night out but people were still spending that money to celebrate my hen night so it would be CF to ask them to pay for me too.
And after the hen there's the wedding where people generally give a gift, maybe buy a new outfit, pay for a taxi home at the end of the night, and maybe buy themselves drinks.
Guests spend enough on other people's weddings.

MimiDaisy11 · 04/02/2022 07:09

If by bride should pay for her own hen weekend you just mean her share then yes. Especially if it’s a weekend away and extravagant like a lot seem to be. It’s less of an issue for a meal as it won’t be much extra for everyone to pay for her.

FloBot7 · 04/02/2022 07:23

If it's a night out with some dinner and drinks I'd be inclined to pay towards the bride. If it's a weekend away then I wouldn't. I really resent the expectation that everyone has several hundred pounds ready to spend on someone else's hen do.

Hugasauras · 04/02/2022 07:24

@lastqueenofscotland

A meal and a few drinks out I’d be happy to cover the bride. A trip away? No.
Yes this essentially. If I were the bride, I wouldn't want people spending a lot of money to cover my portion anyway.
lololololollll · 04/02/2022 07:26

I paid my way for both (family one and friends one) but had lots of lovely presents and also time taken to do nice games etc which I much prefer. When they're paying to celebrate something for me I wouldn't want them to pay extra to cover mine.

smooshraspberry · 04/02/2022 07:26

The bride should not be so entitled and pay for herselff

Cakecakecheese · 04/02/2022 07:28

I've been to some where we covered the bride's cost but there was enough of us that it didn't work out too much, like an extra tenner or whatever so that seemed fine.

lololololollll · 04/02/2022 07:28

@User2638483 thing is not everyone thinks that. My friends and I almost wait for hen parties so we can use as an excuse to all go away together as with families we never do. I actually only see everyone hates this on MN. In real life it's a proper treat, planned well in advance so payments are easy. And no obligation to go if you can't/don't want to, it's always made out to he so dramatic and unfair on here which is very sad to me

GiantSpider · 04/02/2022 07:29

I can't vote as I don't agree with either option - everyone including the bride should pay for themselves.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/02/2022 07:30

Over the years I've been to at least 20 hen dos and only been asked to cover the bride a couple of times. I don't think it's the norm - at least not amongst my friends!
I wouldn't mind paying a nominal amount (£10 say) if that covered the bride as it's a nice gesture, but any more than that and the bride should pay for herself.

GiantSpider · 04/02/2022 07:31

Oh sorry I mis read. I thought the first option was for the bride to pay for everyone. Have voted now!

Coulddowithanap · 04/02/2022 07:31

It really does depend on what you are doing. If its a week away then of course the bride should pay but if its a night out then I'd have though most people would split the cost of a meal and drinks.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/02/2022 07:32

Just reread your OP and seen that you specifically ask whether bridesmaids should pay. YABU. My bridesmaids and those of my friends have mostly been under 16!

TheBareTree · 04/02/2022 07:35

Why on earth should hens pay for the bride? Is it not enough that they have to spend money on attending the hen do, attending the wedding (clothes, hair, taxi, drinks whatever…) AND a present for the couple???????

ClariceQuiff · 04/02/2022 07:35

Mine was just a meal in a local restaurant - they all chipped in to cover my share, but it wasn't something I expected, I went there prepared and able to pay.

D0lphine · 04/02/2022 07:44

I really resent the cost of hen dos and weddings. I'm at an age where there are lots and lots.

I'm happy people are getting married but I have my own financial goals that are extremely important to me. I want to buy a new house in 2023 and I am remodelling my current flat tire be able to rent it out.

This shit is the important steps in my life... but I don't ask people if they can buy me a pack of flooring from B&Q do I? No! Because it's my goal that I'm going to benefit from!

JustLyra · 04/02/2022 08:07

I think it depends on the hen.

I’m going to one next week and was invited to one the week after. Next week is bowling and some food. All the bride wanted was it to be a fun night with all her closest people. More than happy to chip in a few quid to cover hers as a treat. It’s starting at her house so she’ll buy in snacks and drinks for that bit of the night. Her only insistence was that it was local so that our three quite heavily pregnant friends can come if they feel up to it on the night.

The one I declined is 4 nights in Mallorca as the bride insisted on something away. She’s planned a lot of expensive activities and even joked about another one (in that tone people “joke” when they’re testing the waters) that’s too expensive for her usually. She, and her two sisters who are organising, fully expected it not to cost her a penny. Even though it’s a very expensive trip (think it’s at £450 each so far).

londonrach · 04/02/2022 08:10

Everyone pays their own way

Original poster
justhaveagingerbiscuit · 04/02/2022 20:55

Really interesting to see the range of responses.

I don’t think I worded it as well as I could have, I meant bride pays her portion.

Reason I ask as the hen parties are coming in thick and fast this year, costing me an absolute fortune. there’s a mix of paying for the bride/everyone paying their own share, with a couple of brides expecting a home and away hen and for the bridesmaids to pay for both!

(All bridesmaids are adults)

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 04/02/2022 21:12

Everyone should pay their own portion including the bride unless it is something inexpensive such as a meal out.

If you have too many expensive ones you'll just need to be selective which ones you attend.

Blossom64265 · 04/02/2022 21:15

If it’s one night with dinner and a few drinks, maybe some dancing, it’s nice to pay for the bride and split between a few friends won’t amount to much. I’m old enough I went to one hen night where the bride’s mother made us dinner at her house and then we went to some clubs and took turns paying for the bride.

If it’s an actual weekend, the bride should pay for herself.

NorthFacingGarden · 04/02/2022 21:16

Weekend away, meal or night out I would expect all attendees (not just the bridesmaids) to split the cost of the bride’s portion.

However for an abroad hen do I think the bride should pay for herself. It’s a lot to expect attendees to pay without the bride’s cost as well.

MorelloKisses · 04/02/2022 21:17

When I was a bride, I paid for pretty much the entire hen do, for everyone that went. So drinks at mine, club entry then stay over at mine. The next day, yoga and a fancy meal out. I’m sure they bought drinks in the club…

KittyWindbag · 04/02/2022 21:19

I feel like I live on another planet sometimes. My views on this aren’t popular but I think brides who can’t afford to cover the entire cost of their hen dos to Marbella or whatever, should rethink their hen plans so that it’s affordable for all. She absolutely should pay her own way and the really classy thing to do is pay for the hen entirely/ mostly herself. What is this insane culture.