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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should the bride pay for her own hen party?

77 replies

justhaveagingerbiscuit · 03/02/2022 22:22

Just that -

YABU - bride should pay for her own hen weekend

YANBU - bridesmaids should pay for the brides portion of the hen weekend

OP posts:
Trisolaris · 03/02/2022 22:53

If the bride is paying for bridesmaids dress, shoes and anything else then covering the hen for her is a nice way for them to contribute something but it shouldn’t be expected

Curiousmouse · 03/02/2022 22:55

A hen party is one thing. It used to be a night out. Now people expect a few days of your time and a week's salary in costs in order to give them a send off, which is ridiculous and self obsessed.

Blinkingbatshit · 03/02/2022 22:57

I paid for the cottage rental for my hen. Friends paid their travel & contribution to food & booze. I just wanted a fun time with my mates without feeling I was asking them to part with cash some couldn’t afford. I was always 😱 when some invites to hen parties arrived and the £££ and sometimes ££££ that was expected. I think it’s really selfish - many will already be paying to travel to your wedding, maybe stay over and also buy a gift. I can’t believe people think it’s ok to ask for even more🤷🏼‍♀️

Blinkingbatshit · 03/02/2022 22:58

Sorry - should clarify - I paid the full rental costs of the cottage for my hen, they didn’t need to contribute to accommodation.

YerAWizardHarry01 · 03/02/2022 23:00

When I was MOH me and the other hens agreed to cover the bride because we wanted to, she was fully expecting to pay though and did transfer some money because she felt bad and didn't need/want us to pay for her for the plans.

Tomeeornottomee · 03/02/2022 23:01

I would say that a relatively inexpensive hen night consisting of meal, drinks and maybe a concert/event could be paid for by the hens chipping in an extra few quid to pay for the bride... a hen weekend I would expect the bride to pay her way in regards to travel and accommodation but the rest of the party to chip in for meal etc

Flickflak · 03/02/2022 23:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Kite22 · 03/02/2022 23:12

Everyone should go expecting to pay their own way.

But then I think a hen party should be a night out (or even in) with the gals, not a situation where people are pressured into stretching their budgets to breaking point. So if someone (might be the bridesmaids, might be the Mums, or might just be someone who is a big earner) wants to treat everyone to a cocktail/ some champagne / whatever treat it is, then that is nice too - as long as it is a freely made offer from someone who can afford it and not an expectation from anyone.

MissBattleaxe · 03/02/2022 23:19

I totally agree with @Kite22. Hen parties have got out of hand and people are expected to hand over megabucks and annual leave for a trip abroad.

MissBattleaxe · 03/02/2022 23:20

The problem with expecting everyone to pay for the bride is that there's always someone who may be having private financial struggles and will be too embarrassed to say anything so may end up overspending or going into debt just to save face.

Concestor · 03/02/2022 23:21

No one paid for anything for me on mine, not even a drink. We went to Brighton for the weekend and they were already paying travel and hotel, I didn't expect them to pay for anything for me

Hawkins001 · 03/02/2022 23:30

As far as I know, it's the hens each cover their own, then also chip in to cover the brides share too.

Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 03/02/2022 23:33

Why on earth should the bridesmaids pay for the bride?! It’s her event, if anything she should pay for them.

Hawkins001 · 03/02/2022 23:35

@Iwonderifiwonderwhy

Why on earth should the bridesmaids pay for the bride?! It’s her event, if anything she should pay for them.
In my experience, it was because as it's the brides wedding as a show of their friendship and positivity with each other, it was considered a very polite and considerate gesture.
sunflowerdaisyrose · 03/02/2022 23:41

In my friendship groups we all pay for the bride, but I've never been on an extravagant hen do so it's maybe been an extra £20 or so. I didn't spend a penny on mine either.

Wiredforsound · 03/02/2022 23:46

A pizza and a few glasses of wine down at the local Italian restaurant? Yes. A long weekend in in a 5 star hotel in Santorini? No (though feel free to buy her a pizza on one of the nights).

jo55ie · 03/02/2022 23:47

Everyone should pay for themselves, some are soooo expensive

LikeABreathRipplingBy · 03/02/2022 23:48

My bridesmaid was broke so I paid for both of us on the hen do. Maybe if the bride had to foot the bill hen dos would stop being so ridiculous.

Ozanj · 03/02/2022 23:50

Depends on the hen do. If it’s just a night of getting smashed in town with your mates then I expect all costs for the bride to be covered. If it’s an overnighter / weekend / week away then I would expect to cover the bride’s drinks / meals on one or two nights but would definitely not be paying more than that.

Ionlydomassiveones · 03/02/2022 23:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Litchum · 03/02/2022 23:56

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

If anything the bride should lay on a little bit of the cost for others, not the other way around!
Exactly!
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 04/02/2022 00:01

My hen was a night out in Birmingham with food and drinks. I can't remember if I paid for my food. I was bought loads of drinks but certainly didn't expect it.

DingDongDenny · 04/02/2022 00:07

Back in the day when it was just everyine bunging in an extra £10 or £20 for the meal and drinks, no bother. It's a nice gesture, But these days with weekends and trips abroad costing hundreds, I think no way the bride should pay their own way.

User2638483 · 04/02/2022 06:59

@Curiousmouse

A hen party is one thing. It used to be a night out. Now people expect a few days of your time and a week's salary in costs in order to give them a send off, which is ridiculous and self obsessed.
Yes agree with this. All this talk of weekends abroad in Madrid and krakow. So over the top, How many threads do we see on here about people with dilemmas because they don’t want to/can’t afford to go on a hen and do the wedding, plus often people at that stage of life have young babies.
tigger1001 · 04/02/2022 07:02

The bride should absolutely pay their own way especially if it's more than a meal with their pals.

Going to a wedding costs so much these days that it's really self absorbed to then expect others to put in so the bride can have a free hen night.