Is 35 too old to find ‘the one’?

[Scarlettfeather]

I’ve had a series of bad relationships, including with the father of my child.
He’s now 5 years old and I’m single.
I want to find someone who is in love with me for who I am, who wants to be with me and wants to spend their life with me, for better or worse.

Is 35 too old to believe I’ll find that person? I don’t even know where to start

You're probably too old to go on Love Island.
Apart from that, you're good.

No, I'm around your age and recently single. I'm taking a year to find myself and love myself as wanky as that sounds. Not worried in the slightest about finding someone when I'm ready - but I did feel worried about that when leaving h so I do understand. It's a funny age where a lot of good men are already in relationships and the divorces haven't really started.

I also don't want a divorced man with dc as I never want to be a step mum ever again so I may well end up single for life.

No. I was 34….still together 22years later . Worth the wait for the right one

I’m 35, 3DC, been single since I was 29.

I can’t be bothered.

Well my gran had quite a few gentlemen 'friends' after my granda died, so its never too late, even in your eighties

@BagpipeBarmcake

Nope, found mine in my forties (after a couple of practice runs).

Stop looking and they'll find you.

Worst advice ever is "stop looking".

The absolute worst!

We're supposed to just live our best lives (whatever the fuck that means) and Prince Charming will rock up. Come on. This isn't a film it's real life! Also what year is it?!

If you want to find someone then you need to plan it like you'd plan a project at work.

So think about it. If you go on 0 dates you have 0% chance of finding someone. If you go on 100 dates you have a very very good chance of finding someone!

So plan- get a good dating profile with good, recent pictures. Send it to some straight men you know and ask for their honest opinion about what you've put. Put in time and effort to reflect your personality and crucially have some really nice pictures of you out and about having a good time! Put in one face close up, one body shot and one doing something fun. No filters.

Then sign up to all the apps and add your profile.

Then create a minimum criteria for men you will date. Write a realistic list. So NOT must earn over £100k and be over 6"2. But put things like age 30 to 49 and within a 15 mile radius for example. Or wants more kids, wants to get married if that's your bag.

Then speak to men according to your criteria.

Set up and go on lots of dates. Unless the men are completely unacceptable give them second and third chances. People are nervous on first dates. Realise that "feeling an instant spark" is mostly nonsense and mostly attraction grows over time. (Obv swiftly bin them off if they're not nice or have red flags).

There are practical things to consider such as who will Babysit? Have you got a budget for dating per month? Do you have some nice clothes to wear on the dates? Get it all arranged.

If you do the above you can find someone who is amazing. Waiting around isn't the answer!

Met my "The One" at 45. Please stay strong and don't give up. X

The below worked for me!

Went on about 15 dates early last year, number 15 was my current bf. He is moving in in 2 months time and we're planning to start ttc as soon as he is here! We've spoken about selling up the flat buying a house and marriage.

If I'd not dated around thoroughly and with purpose I would have never ever met him.

@RachelGreep87

You're probably too old to go on Love Island. Apart from that, you're good.

😂 I reckon I could still them a run for their money in a bikini (37). My face, however, is no bueno - despite my many interventions.

They’d have to put some proper men in though. I couldn’t be doing with those youngsters. A bit of chest hair would be nice. 😉

I was 40 when I found mine. They were 51. Plenty of time, don’t panic, and never settle for good enough would be my advice!

Also my best mate just found a good ‘un after changing her Hinge setting to women. Not everyone is so adaptable of course but she’s 45 and loved up with a very wonderful woman. Queerness aside, she’s a good example of meeting someone quite a bit older than you currently are!

I’m single and being a bit lazy with things because of work. Want me to be your accountability body and we’ll execute on @D0lphine’s methods together?

I was 37 when I met my now husband, after a failed first marriage.
It's the most loving, genuine, most amazing relationship I have ever experienced. You'll be fine.

Love this thread as in a similar boat so no advice but enjoying the replies! x

I met my man at 68 (after several trial runs). We love each other loads.

Definitely not too old. I’m in my 40’s, was single for several years before I joined OLD after a few drinks one weekend, and met my partner last year. He’s about as close to “the one” as I could hope for and I can see a happy future with him.

I love this thread.

DH was 36 when we met and I was definitely his "one" (and he mine). I'm 37 and widowed now, and hoping to date at some point in the future. So this is giving me hope that I might yet be lucky enough to meet another soulmate.

I'm not one for 'one'. There are lots of great people out there who would love to build a life with you at any age. Make sure you agree that it's a life you want to lead, and enjoy. I met dh at 34, he was 39. Very sadly he died aged 52, but now I'm 52 myself and I've met a lovely man and we are enjoying life very much.

I was 2 months off 35 when I met my DH. I’m now 38, married and 31 weeks pregnant with twins. We are very, very happy and he is my biggest supporter who just wants the very best for me.

I agree with @D0lphine
You have to date with purpose. I went on about a million first dates before I met my DH, I had criteria that had to be met that were about finding someone to grow old with.
I somewhat disagree about the spark thing, we both knew from about half an hour into date one that we would get married, we went on holiday to Scotland for date three and he joked about getting married as we drove past Gretna Green, only it wasn’t 100% a joke!
I am quite ordinary too, I’m not some high flying stunner, so don’t think you have to be anything special.
I’m a size 10 on a really good day, mostly a 12, I have a reasonably nice face but I’m not gorgeous, I work hard but I don’t earn much. I was renting when we met and he was much better off and owned his house.
It’s perfectly possible but absolutely don’t stop looking, treat it like a part time job. Eventually you’ll find your person.

Men come and go throughout life though. I mean its highly unlikely you'll meet someone now and still be with them when you are in your 90s.

There is no 'the one', there is only 'the one - for now'. People change, relationships change.

Im sure you'll find someone who loves you for you. Utterly and completely. But that doesn't mean forever and it doesn't mean there's only one 'the one'. And that's actually a good thing because falling in love and being loved back is great...the only thing better, is if it happens several times in your life. And it probably will.

People are not constant.

Nope. I was 44 when I met mine.

Nope, I met my husband at 35, got married and 2 kids, its just about meeting the right person I guess!

I think 35 is too old. I started looking at 25 & used to go to night clubs every few days & it took years for me to settle.

@WorstXmasEver

I think 35 is too old. I started looking at 25 & used to go to night clubs every few days & it took years for me to settle.

Yeah but to be fair, night clubs aren't filled with people looking to partner up. At least not for more than that evening lol.

I found mine at 37! Plenty of time. My friend is marrying hers on Saturday, she was 39 when they met.

And I don’t know anybody in real life who met their One in a nightclub