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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

another mosschops holiday dilemma thread ....is dh being unreasonable again?

67 replies

mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:10

ok so some of you may have seen the disney thread, but we finally arrived at the fact that dh wasnt going to go, he agreed for somewhere like majorca/algarve etc.

Anyway as usual my mum is stumping up 2k for our family holiday.
Although last night she put a spanner in the works by asking if she could come with us
dh wasnt keen and neither was I, although for america it might have worked I think that 2 weeks in majorca with my mum would have been too much for all of us.

So I explain that to her today and then she asks if I would consider going away with her to Cyprus in March for a week, all paid just so she can have a holiday (dad is not well enough to travel).

now dh being all moody and I have said its either she comes with us for 2 weeks or we have our 2 weeks alone and I go with her for an extra week.

AIBU??

OP posts:
GreatGlowingMerrily · 30/12/2007 16:12

It sounds like a good compromise. Do you work? (i.e. is this coming out of your annual holiday?)

WanderingTrolley · 30/12/2007 16:14

What's he moody about?

I can understand anyone not wanting to bring their MIL/mother on holiday, but what other choices are there? Does he expect you not to go with her in March - does he not want to be alone with the dcs?

Triggles · 30/12/2007 16:14

Just curious, but does your mum have any friends that might like to go on holiday with her?

Sobernow · 30/12/2007 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KIMIfullofhopefor2008 · 30/12/2007 16:17

Your mother pays £2000 for your holiday and you are put out she might like to go with you????
Then your DH is peeved that she would like you to go away with her again at her expense?
Wow.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:17

Her best friend is waaayyy too disorganised (hasnt even got a passport/cant make a sandwich in under an hour) and mum couldnt cope going away with her.

Its not coming out of holiday time, I'm a student nurse in my final year so these are 'free holidays' as it were

I think he's moody because I will have two holidays and he will have one (I bet a million pounds he will reckon this equates to a boys holiday away ..NOT ON MY LIFE)

He will be alone with the dc's unfortunately cos CM is off that week too but he's good with them and dd is 12 now and pretty much looks after herself, only ds 3 to take care of

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 30/12/2007 16:17

Agree with Sobernow.

What's this "as usual my mum is stumping up 2k for our family holiday" stuff - as usual?!

How did you explain to her that she couldn't come with you?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:19

No I'm not ungrateful at all. She has given us a grand every year for hols (see other thread) whilst ive been studying.

Its not me really but dh wouldnt cope for 2 weeks with his MIL and I certainly wouldnt go on holiday with his mother.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 30/12/2007 16:19

I'd be tempted to ditch dh and go off with kids and mum tbh .. she sounds by far the nicer person at the moment mosschops

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 16:20

my mum likes to go away with me and the kids, few days away in the UK. Dh gets grumpy. He feels he is missing out on a family holiday. He doesn't like it when we are away.

I tell him he is an arse. I rejoice if he goes away anywhere.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:22

agree twig, he's being a bit of an arse about the whole holiday thing

(HM see other thread) My mum has never asked to come with us before regardless of her paying some towards holiday (its normally 1/2 and 1/2)
My father is paying for the Cyprus trip not my mum. He doesnt know she donates holiday money every year, he'd go bonkers

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 30/12/2007 16:22

I'd tell DH that he either pays for the holiday and shuts his mouth or he puts up with your mother.
It's incredibly rude of him IMO.

I'm not sure I could cope with two weeks with my MIL, all day every day, but as she cant go on holiday with her husband (he wont fly) we are hiring a villa next year and paying for her flights so she can come with us. That way she gets a proper holiday and we get a babysitter for a few days of it. Is your mother the type of eprson to go off for a wander by herself or lounge by the villa's pool whilst you went out with the children etc?
If that's a likely/possible scenario then I'd suggest it that way.

Alambil · 30/12/2007 16:23

I think there is a bit of taking-stuff-for-granted here which is making you sound unreasonable.

If you realise how generous your mum has been and is being, continually, you would realise that 2 weeks away with her is NOT a big deal.

Your DH needs to grow up - either she comes on HER holiday (her money is paying for it) or he has NO holiday - unless you can afford a weekend in Butlins or something.

Holidays are not a necessity; they are a luxury and I am sure your mum would love to get away from the stress of being a carer - tell your DH to stop being so childish.

Alambil · 30/12/2007 16:24

oops I meant him sound unreasonable and if HE realised blah blah - sounds like you know

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 16:25

a bit harsh on your dh perhaps. Would he prefer if your mother paid nothing and you didn't have much of a hol? Maybe he would prefer that

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/12/2007 16:25

No she would not do her own thing, she can be quite needy and high maintenance (as can I
she would want to be with us morning, noon and night which is what dh couldnt stand.

Her money IS NOT paying for our holiday, i pays a proportion of it and we pay the rest

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 30/12/2007 16:27

I think your DH is being an arse.

I can see why your mum wants you to have a holiday, but also why she wants to have a break too.

If I was you, I'd go to Cyprus and have family hol with just DH and DC.

Your DH is being unbelievably ungrateful - if he can't afford to take you all away and is happy to rely on handouts from your mum, he really doesn't have that much of a say, I'm afraid. Tell him to grow a pair.

VictorianSqualor · 30/12/2007 16:28

Hmm, I can see why it would be annoying then, I know MIL would 'do her own thing' as such, so as not to get in our way and I guarantee she'd send us off without the kids at least a few times.
I think I'd leave DH at home myself.

Sparkletastic · 30/12/2007 16:30

Another vote for you and DCs having holiday with your mum - teach DH a lesson!

Alambil · 30/12/2007 16:32

What sort of holiday would it be without her contribution? Could you suggest to your DH that you either go away within your own means or he lumps it that with the money, comes the MIL.

I have been away with my parents for a few times (single parent - only way I could get away) and had my nan there too (dads MIL) - it went fine and nan is high-maintenance. Sight seeing and beach days help break it up so it's not like you are stuck in the villa all the time (which you know - am just saying)

Blandmum · 30/12/2007 16:33

Jeezy peeps, My parents never had the wherewithall to give us £200 for a holiday, let alone £2000 as usual

FranSanDisco · 30/12/2007 16:33

Well I have to agree that you dh is being an arsehole. I think you having a week away with your mum is the least he can agree to. I'd rather not have a holiday than go away with my mil though.

LIZS · 30/12/2007 16:34

Go with your mum and let him plan your summer holiday.

HonoriaGlossop · 30/12/2007 17:07

I tihnk i'd just aay remember that these are very nice problems to be having

cheeset · 30/12/2007 17:30

I think is mosschops mum wants to donate money to her daughter then who are we to pass judgement, it obviously makes her happy to 'give'.

Fair play to you for training to be a nurse in your final year with a 12yo, was this a change in career?

Maybe your mother is proud of you and your achievement whilst keeping the family unit together and this is why she helps by contributing towards your holiday?

Also, maybe you are achieving things that your mother was unable to, we just don't know.

You said you explained to your mother today and she asked if you would consider going to Cyprus- that must of been hard for your mum knowing that there were issues regarding her not being wanted on the 2 week holiday.

IMO,you need to go to Cyprus with her. She sounds desperate to go.

IMO, I think you should go to Cyprus with your family BUT make sure your dh is eternally grateful.

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