To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

[quote AllThePogs]@KarenTheGammonRemoaner I have never been a housewife., But Betty Friedan talks about a busy social life. It is not true that socialising only happened in supermarket aisles. She talks about a lot of coffee mornings, afternoon drinks, and theatre matinees. Less socialising happened in paid places and more socialising happened at home. But that was the same for those working as well.
Truthfully just reading some of Betty Friedan's descriptions her life sounded lovely. Long lunches around a neighbours house with a group of women, seguing into afternoon cocktails. But she is also clear that this life led to ennui and depression, and that was a common reaction.
It obviously is not for everyone, but it is clear from the reaction from many housewives to her book that many felt the same as her.[/quote]
Thanks for that. I've never read her. I know life back then was different - is she in the US? Here in the UK, now at least, there are so many things to do around the city and a wealth of opportunities.

That life still sounds insular, I still think that's the source of the depressive state. Also perhaps the social standing of women in general and a feeling of helplessness which women don't routinely have these days?

Abigail: ....you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.

You would run the household.
................
It would have to be a big house and garden. My parents and their relatives all lived in fairly ordinary, modest homes and the women did not work. They stretched the jobs to fill the week.

I spent a few years as ‘just a housewife’. DH was travelling for work a lot of the time too. I studied for an MA, I did a lot of cleaning, the house and life admin was my ‘job’ so everything was done well and on time.

When I finished studying, we also moved for DH’s work. I was still a housewife but a much more bored one. DH was working from home a lot and I needed to get out more. I spent a fair bit of time wandering around art galleries and exploring a new city. I also started volunteering. Working at a charity and tutoring led me to paid work which I do part time and I love. The house is definitely not as clean as it used to be.

How do you "run the household" if you live in a 2-up 2-down. Can you only run a household if it is a "nice 5-bed detached". Are those of us who work considered superwomen because we work and "run the household"?

I honestly hoped that by 2022, the idea of living off the earnings of a man would have died out. Apparently not.

I'd love to not have a job even if childless, if I could afford to. I'm sure I'd fing things to do. It's the depending-on-a-man part that spoils it for me.

People who dismiss housewifery need to remember that it used to be a hard manual job before white goods and central heating. And even now, with all the technological help, house work just takes up as much time as you will give it - cooking alone can be very tome consuming if you make it that way.

What fascinates me is that even in the bad old days, housework included so many grace notes, so much that wasn't strictly necessary, like crocheted
doilies or cookies made in elaborate moulds. Maybe women just didn't really have a concept of leisure time.

SIL was also judgemental of me returning to work full time after having the children.

In fact she asked dh why we had them if I wasn't prepared to stay at home and raise them. He nicely told her it takes both our wages to keep a roof over their head!

And after I was diagnosed as critically ill (fully recovered thankfully) she didn't once offer to pick a child from school or even leave a casserole for dh when I was hospitalised.

Not that we expected it, she always made it clear her husband and his needs came first and that's just how it was (I realise this has nothing to do with her being a home maker but it sparked a memory)

My SIL would never work. She is 24 this year. She isn't married, have any DC and lives with her mum. Her mum works, cooks and does the housework. She writes mainly. She is happy with the status quo I think.

No idea what would happen when MIL passes on.

What the fuck do people mean by "run the household".

How do single people "run the household"? Does it actually mean doing everything for a man in exchange of him handing you some spending money?

@DynamiteFilledRadish

What the fuck do people mean by "run the household".

How do single people "run the household"? Does it actually mean doing everything for a man in exchange of him handing you some spending money?

I'd have presumed it'd be cooking, cleaning, laundry, arranging for maintenance of the house with the relevant professionals, any DIY, managing any household staff, handling finances and making sure bills etc are paid, budgeting, keeping the garden and grounds in a good order, ensuring cars are taxed, MOT'd, cleaned, handling any correspondence etc. Of course, how much work the above is depends on the size of the property and other factors.

@onlychildhamster

My SIL would never work. She is 24 this year. She isn't married, have any DC and lives with her mum. Her mum works, cooks and does the housework. She writes mainly. She is happy with the status quo I think.

No idea what would happen when MIL passes on.

What does she do for money? Why won't she get a job?

@KarenTheGammonRemoaner Yes Betty Friedan is American. She wrote about this in The Feminist Mystique. It is the book widely credited with launching the women's liberation movement in the 60s and 70s.
My gran was a housewife during this time in Britain and socialised lots. It was coffee mornings, visiting friends in their house for tea or lunch, church women's meetings, and meeting in cafes. There were fewer places to go to socially, but she socialised more than my mum who worked full time.
At the time these women said the ennui and depression were from leading relatively unfulfilled lives where they had no real chance to use all their abilities.

@DynamiteFilledRadish it means what it says on the tin, though I guess the fine detail varies from couple to couple. One person works to bring in a wage, the other deals with day to day living and (often) socialising/entertaining and it return gets the cost of their basic needs and creature comforts covered (so more than a bit of spending money). It might not be how you want to live but why so angry about it?

I think that the difference between now and Betty Friedan's time is that for the demographic where the partner need not work, there is more choice.....at the time, there was the expectation that a professional man's wife wouldn't work...that their job was to keep their partner happy, keep their figure, do the things, be the person who would advance their husband's career. The older women who I met as a young wife in the 70's certainly thought this.

I used to be a full-time working mother, now I am widowed and retired and live on my own. I am not bored.
I meet friends for lunch, invite other people who are on their own to my house, walk my dog, read a lot, do crafts, pick up a grandchild from school and give her tea one day each week. Go to the Cinema in the afternoon. Sometimes don't get up until 9am.
Sometimes I feel a bit guilty that I should be contributing more, volunteering in some way. There are plenty of opportunities and I will look out for something.
I think I could have kept quite occupied as a housewife.
My life used to be over busy, although I found my job interesting and enjoyed spending time with my children but sometimes it was stressful.

If a man gave up work and expected his wife to support him financially he'd be called a cocklodger. Doing leisure activities all day might be nice but doing it while bankrolled by someone else is selfish (and if you are independently wealthy why are you still expecting your life partner to still work?). That's very different to being a couple retiring after a lifetime of paid work (although having grown up on a farm where both my DF and GF worked till the day they died I don't really see the attraction of early retirement) or a couple choosing one to be a SAHP while children are small (although both working PT would be better for the children).

Most of the long term 'SAHP' (those with DC at school and university) I know do very little out of the house, fuss a lot about their DC and seem a bit delicate, I suspect that it's such an unusual choice now that more capable women don't do it and would rather maintain financial independence. I can only think of one that lives the way my DM and MIL did when they were housewives back in the 70s, doing lots of voluntary work, and having interests out of the home that benefits the community. When there was social pressure for women to not work they became an army of people doing valuable unpaid work instead, that model of being a housewife seems to have almost disappeared.

@DynamiteFilledRadish

What the fuck do people mean by "run the household".

How do single people "run the household"? Does it actually mean doing everything for a man in exchange of him handing you some spending money?

It means, in my case, that when I finish work for the day I don't have to start on the vacuuming or the laundry or cleaning the bathroom, because my 'house-husband' has been doing those things during the day. I also have my dinner cooked for me.

If I were single I'd have to do it all myself, obviously.

I don't 'hand my husband spending money' - he can spend what he likes within reason.

Run a household is a phrase that comes from women who managed the staff in large country mansions. It also included organising large social events such as balls. Nowdays such women also often organise commercial use of their mansions.
Managing the staff in a 60 room mansion with extensive gardens, is very different from running a 4 bedroom house in the suburbs.

just re read.....goodness there is some vitriol on here......
I am not sure why the concept of a single earner no kids household is such an explosive one and why it should "die out" if both people are happy with it. Abusive situations aside, nobody makes anybody enter such a relationship and if both partners are happy and it suits them both then what business is it of anyone else?

I can easily imagine being a full time housewife, even if there are just two of you, if you make it into an art. Iron everything from all the working partner's shirts to duvet covers and tea towel. Shop for fresh ingredients daily and make three meals a day from scratch, keep the garden in perfect order, grow your own veg and cut flowers. Every cupboard gleaming and tidy, every inch of the house dusted and polished and aired. No clutter, no out of date jars festering on the back of shelves. No lone socks in the laundry. No thirsty plants wilting in the spare room.

I would be terrible at it, but I'd love to be married to someone who wasn't!

I think I'd love it, I've got two children but they're at school so it'd just me be swanning about, doing all the jobs I do now without having to go to work.

Unfortunately I couldn't afford it and have this irritating thing about my job being part of my identity, so I'd probably miss it.

Run the household = pay the bills, do the shopping, cook the food, clean the house, do the laundry, do repairs or organise them, organise children's appointments, liaise with schools, doctors etc.

Quite a lot to do if you have a few children or someone with a disability in the house.
I suppose a 'housewife' would take on all this herself.
Sadly some women are still doing it all and working as well.

Urgh "running the house". This is not a FT job. Yes, it fills some time but let's not forget someone still needs to "run the house" even if both people work FT.

My mum was a house wife, has never worked a day in her life. She spends her days planning holidays, walking the dog, running errands, cleaning, cooking etc. She basically does in the week what everyone else does over the weekend or on days off. The trouble with this is that she becomes overwhelmed if she has more than 2 tasks to do in one day. Horses for courses, but it's not a life I'd choose any time soon!

That takes you up to 9.30am, perhaps 10am if you’ve had a lie-in.
Does it, aye?
Are you the lie-in police? (or, indeed, the how long housework takes police).

Anyway.
DP and I don't have kids. I love working, so suspect I would carry on even if I didn't have to.
But I have no doubt that if I had any spare time I could very happily fill it with sorting out the shit-tip falling-down house, going to galleries, walking, exercising, day trips, reading, studying...

I think if you’re young and healthy, it’s a bit of a waste of a life tbh.
What do you look back on as your achievements?
At least part time work / running your own business would give a dimension.
If you’re in poor health and cannot work, that is different

@KarenTheGammonRemoaner Yes Betty Friedan is American. She wrote about this in The Feminist Mystique. It is the book widely credited with launching the women's liberation movement in the 60s and 70s.

It’s The Feminine Mystique, but yes hugely important book challenging the notions that women should be fulfilled by marriage, housework and motherhood.