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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a routine for my baby/be keeping him with me?

68 replies

Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:01

Help me mumsnet! I'm a clueless first time mum.
My 19 week old baby:

  • Co-sleeps
  • Naps on me (or his dad)
  • Stays downstairs with us til we go to bed so has no real bedtime routine as such, but gets into PJ's, has bottle and is asleep by 8.30pm (ish).

He wakes once or twice a night for feeding, and is up by 6.30am pretty consistently. He has quite long naps in the day, no set times but he has a loose "routine" of his own.

I've been told by so many people I need a bedtime routine and to put him to bed (I thought SIDS risk was higher if they are in a separate room before 6 months?), stop co-sleeping (rod for my own back has been mentioned a few times!!) and stop him napping on me.

I feel happy enough with our set up. I know my baby isn't spoiled by being cuddled but I hear so much about routine etc that I wonder, am I somehow doing him a disservice? Would he be better off with a routine and napping and sleeping alone?

Very much doubting myself at the moment!

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 01/02/2022 22:09

Sounds fine to me, aslong as your co-sleeping safely don’t stress. What works for you, DH and your baby is important right now, not mouth almighty mates!

Your little one is small for such a short time, and then they are 16 they’ll not want to sleep in your bed Wink

tumtitum · 01/02/2022 22:11

IMO it totally depends. With my first she kept downstairs with us until around 6 months. Tried to structure naps and it was awful, did not work. She wasn't the best sleeper but I think that is just her temperament! At 6 she can still be a pickle going to sleep but is then fine.
My second was downstairs with us until nearly ten months!! Or sat upstairs listening to podcasts if she wouldn't settle. Ended up co-sleeping until she was 3!!!
So I don't have any stories of them sleeping independently at an early age, but do feel that it can be very stressful trying to get them to sleep by themselves and at a set time before they are ready!
If you are happy then crack on! If you want to change it then you can try, but I wouldn't stress yourself (or baby) too much.
And you are right, every sleep in the same room until 6 months is safest, your breathing regulates theirs.

Hankunamatata · 01/02/2022 22:11

Stop telling people how you are sleeping and how routine otherwise everyone will have an opinion

Sosososotired · 01/02/2022 22:11

People have all sorts of ideas about how best to parent. It sounds like you have a routine of sorts anyway, plus you are happy with the set up. If it works for you then ignore what others say! For what is worth, I had a very similar approach to you and was perfectly happy with it too! Routines are great, but I find the best routine develop naturally which is what you are doing!

Porcupineintherough · 01/02/2022 22:12

Ask yourself are you happy with the way things are? Is your baby? If so, then that would be one reason to carry on the way you are doing.
However, if you can't see yourself happily cradling your baby to sleep for the next 2 years, it if you are planning to leave him with other people, then it might be kinder to teach him how to self soothe and settle at some point.

DownWhichOfLate · 01/02/2022 22:12

That sounds lovely! Keep doing it for as long as you are happy. Your baby will eventually want to be in bed of an evening as the light / noise will disturb his sleep, but sounds like he doesn’t mind at the moment.

Boopeedoop · 01/02/2022 22:13

No one knows your child better than you.

Do what works for you

HelloBunny · 01/02/2022 22:14

Keep doing what you’re doing. It suits your baby. If it suits you & DH too, then great. Your set-up sounds very similar to mine. We just went with the flow & followed our son’s lead. My sister has a strict routine with her little guy. It works for them.

LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral · 01/02/2022 22:14

I agree with Pippa12, if it works for you both why change it?
My DD is 9.5 months and we don’t really have a routine yet I just follow her natural patterns which works for us at the moment. She is sleeping through the night most nights but isn’t going off to sleep until quite late. At some stage I will try and start up a routine of bath and bed at a more ‘acceptable’ time but if it ain’t broke why try and fix it!

Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:15

@Hankunamatata

Stop telling people how you are sleeping and how routine otherwise everyone will have an opinion
Fair point!
OP posts:
Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:18

@Pippa12

Sounds fine to me, aslong as your co-sleeping safely don’t stress. What works for you, DH and your baby is important right now, not mouth almighty mates!

Your little one is small for such a short time, and then they are 16 they’ll not want to sleep in your bed Wink

Definitely co-sleeping safely! Isn't the most comfortable I've ever been in my life I must admit, but I can fall asleep anywhere so awkwardly lying on my arm in the 'C' position is doable!
OP posts:
Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:19

@DownWhichOfLate

That sounds lovely! Keep doing it for as long as you are happy. Your baby will eventually want to be in bed of an evening as the light / noise will disturb his sleep, but sounds like he doesn’t mind at the moment.
Thank you! We do keep the lights quite low at night and the TV low (if on) he seems happy enough to be here for now
OP posts:
Daisy4569 · 01/02/2022 22:21

I’ve done the same thing, little one is nearly one. He’s perfectly happy and healthy, we both get sleep and he is fine with other people when I go to work. Enjoy all of the cuddles Smile

Spottybotty20 · 01/02/2022 22:24

Sounds lovely, what a good mum you are.

I did similar with both of my kids and they have turned out just fine. Only people who are willing to come round and do it every night are entitled to an opinion on my child’s sleep routine!

Franca123 · 01/02/2022 22:25

My friends with kids who co sleep seem to start to regret it when they're around 3. Personally I'd put him to bed in his own room by 7pm and enjoy an adult evening. But it's up to you.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:29

@spottybotty20
@daisy4569

This is good to hear, thank you both!

OP posts:
Gizacluethen · 01/02/2022 22:31

That's still what we do with 8 month old DS. I knew I never wanted a set routine that had to be stuck to. His naps are flexible, if I play white noise he sleeps anywhere, any time. He sleeps with us. No way would he sleep in a different room.
It's what works for us and we're all happy with it.
Do what works for you.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:32

@Franca123

My friends with kids who co sleep seem to start to regret it when they're around 3. Personally I'd put him to bed in his own room by 7pm and enjoy an adult evening. But it's up to you.
This was what I was worried about, I suppose its difficult to say as there will be other factors at play such as temperament of baby etc...
OP posts:
Original poster
Ftm229 · 01/02/2022 22:35

@Gizacluethen white noise is magic isn't it!

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 01/02/2022 22:38

The routines are for you not the baby, so you can’t be doing him a disservice.
Next time someone tells you you are making a rod for your own back, tell them it’sa rod ofof pleasure!

RaginaPhalange · 01/02/2022 22:44

Sounds fine to me. My ds used to nap on us during the day and hasn't done in months he's almost 1. He sleeps in his own room goes down at 8.30 and will occasionally come in with us to sleep around 7 till 8.30am. We're just winging it with him our eldest was a dream and slept anywhere for the whole night and napped in his cot. All babies are different.

elenacampana · 01/02/2022 22:45

I do have a routine for my 12wk old OP, but it’s what suits me, my husband and our baby. I pretty much wanted the exact opposite of your situation so that’s what I’ve sorted out for myself. What I don’t do is discuss it with anyone else, especially people I know who do things very differently. It means no one has an opinion!

Nothing about what you’re doing sounds terrible to me. It works for you then carry on :-)

tearinghairout · 01/02/2022 22:46

It all sounds normal and natural to me. We had twins in bed with us! Was lovely for feeding. Keep doing what suits you.

Daydreamsinsantafe · 01/02/2022 22:50

You’re making a rod for your own back if you don’t learn to ignore ‘advice’. You will constantly question yourself and cause yourself unnecessary anxiety whilst you could just be getting on with enjoying your baby.

I’m currently on baby number 4 and that’s exactly how I do things. It’s true that co-sleeping isn’t ideal at 3 & 4 etc but you deal with that when it comes. Do you really want to miss out on the loveliness of it now because one day it won’t work?

As PP said, stop telling people what you do. It gives them licence to comment.
Your tiny baby sounds blissfully content and you appear to have it all in hand. Enjoy!

pinkstripeycat · 01/02/2022 22:51

You do what’s safest for baby and what suits you, DH and baby. I wanted my baby with me, hated him being in his own room as was scared of SIDS and checked on him constantly in the night for years. But I did what other people suggested ie his own room at 6months, proper routine. He was still clingy and didn’t sleep through until aged 7/8. He’s now 16 and a strapping 6’ 3”. The time goes SO fast so keep baby close if you want to