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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this behaviour is a bit weird

65 replies

christmaslights4 · 01/02/2022 18:08

I may be thinking way too much into this, but my dd 14 had a badminton coach who from what dd says seems nice enough, but she has come home telling me some slightly odd things he has said to her. He's said she had a 'nice and petite body' and often talks about her frame in general. He has also asked her to get in the car with him after a coaching session so she 'wouldn't be cold'. He also gives her his jumper/coat if she's cold whenever they're outside. I'm hoping this is completely normal but i just wanted to get all of your opinions on this as i want to make sure it's not a bit weird.

OP posts:
BloomingTrees · 01/02/2022 18:10

This is crossing a boundary. Red flags.
She should never be alone with him.

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 18:11

Trust your instincts. Best to err on side of caution

iklboo · 01/02/2022 18:12

Red flags & klaxons. Not professional behaviour at all and crossing many, many boundaries.

Inthesameboatatmo · 01/02/2022 18:12

Red flags galore. Put a stop to this immediately find another coach ,protect the child .

WutheringHeights66 · 01/02/2022 18:12

God no, totally OOO.

Any decent coach would mention no such thing about her body and would tell her to being a hoody next week as it’s February.

I would be very concerned if this was my DD.

Justmuddlingalong · 01/02/2022 18:12

If anything he says or does makes you or DD uncomfortable, then that's enough for it to be classed as weird behaviour. Can you accompany her in future?

ArachnidArachnid · 01/02/2022 18:15

Crossing way too many boundaries. Giving her his clothing is a very intimate act, would not be comfortable with this at all. Definitely not OK. I’d be raising this as child protection concern actually if he is a proper coach affiliated to some kind of a club and coaching other young people also.

Kanaloa · 01/02/2022 18:17

Why do you hope this is normal? Perhaps you should seek some real life counsel because I’ve never met a parent who would hope this behaviour was totally normal and consult a parenting forum to justify it.

DysmalRadius · 01/02/2022 18:18

Totally inappropriate! Is she having one to one coaching?

Abouttoblow · 01/02/2022 18:19

Even if it is completely innocent, an adult working with children and/or young people should know it's inappropriate and unprofessional.

MonsterChopz · 01/02/2022 18:23

He should not be offering her to sit in his car either. Even if completely innocent I'd be concerned at his complete lack of awareness!

Justleaveitblankthen · 01/02/2022 18:25

God no. Red flags today - Jubilee bunting the following week.
It looks like your Daughter has realised this too and is confiding in you for a reason.
Good that she obviously feels she can trust you 🙂

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2022 18:32

Fucking hell. OF COURSE these are red flags.

PostThenGhost · 01/02/2022 18:34

@Abouttoblow

Even if it is completely innocent, an adult working with children and/or young people should know it's inappropriate and unprofessional.
^ yep. Even if just for their own protection, a coach of the opposite sex should not be doing any of the things he is doing.
TheChip · 01/02/2022 18:34

I would report this to whoever he works for and find a new coach for your dd.

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/02/2022 18:35

No, commenting on a 14 year old's body is not normal.

Report it, in writing, and find a new coach.

AutomaticMoon · 01/02/2022 18:38

Wtf. Nice and petite body? Completely inappropriate, how can he think it’s ok?!?!

VioletOcean · 01/02/2022 18:38

Get her a new coach and report your concerns

Whiteminnowfish · 01/02/2022 18:39

I know quite abit about safeguard and this js definitely inappropriate. Report to the authorities.

He may be doing the same ot much worse to other girls.

BobbieT1999 · 01/02/2022 18:40

Wildly out of order!!

SellerQ1 · 01/02/2022 18:40

I’m with those who are saying trust your instincts! He sounds creepy.

impossible · 01/02/2022 18:43

Sounds inappropriate to me. Perhaps it's innocent though it's certainly unprofessional.

JustLyra · 01/02/2022 18:45

@Abouttoblow

Even if it is completely innocent, an adult working with children and/or young people should know it's inappropriate and unprofessional.
This.

Even if he’s thinking “it’s bloody freezing” he should be aware that inviting her into his car is inappropriate.

He’s obviously got no awareness of decent safeguarding because, even if he’s not creepy, he shouldn’t be normalising those behaviours to the children he is coaching.

I’d find a new coach because he’s either deliberately inappropriate or cluelessly inappropriate and neither is safe or acceptable.

JustLyra · 01/02/2022 18:47

Also you said he gives her his coat when they’re outside, which suggests they aren’t always - badminton is usually played indoors in my experience so when are they outside?

Is he leaving the sport centre to wait with her outside (away from other people and staff)?

WorriedGiraffe · 01/02/2022 18:48

It may be innocent but it’s clearly majorly crossing boundaries and needs to be addressed either innocent or not. If this was a male colleague of yours you’d be assuming they liked you wouldn’t you? And that wouldn’t even be illegal/major safe guarding issue.