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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this behaviour is a bit weird

65 replies

christmaslights4 · 01/02/2022 18:08

I may be thinking way too much into this, but my dd 14 had a badminton coach who from what dd says seems nice enough, but she has come home telling me some slightly odd things he has said to her. He's said she had a 'nice and petite body' and often talks about her frame in general. He has also asked her to get in the car with him after a coaching session so she 'wouldn't be cold'. He also gives her his jumper/coat if she's cold whenever they're outside. I'm hoping this is completely normal but i just wanted to get all of your opinions on this as i want to make sure it's not a bit weird.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 01/02/2022 20:23

Don’t let her have any more sessions with him. He is grooming her. Your OP was very troubling to read.

JustLyra · 01/02/2022 20:38

@Wigglegiggle0520

Report and ask to see a copy of his DBS check. If the club aren’t forthcoming please log it with the police and consider a Sarah’s Law request.
This is not the way to go about it, the OP has no right to see his checks.

Plus they are either clear enough that he’s allowed to work with children as nothing has been reported, or the group have committee a major safeguarding issue if they’ve ignored known issues or not done checks.

Either way following the proper processes is the way to go, not asking to see paperwork that she has no right to see.

AffIt · 01/02/2022 20:40

Absolutely this is 100% off.

I work with young people as a sports coach (amateur) and we are safeguarding trained UP TO THE BACK TEETH, even as a woman working primarily with girls and young women.

You say badminton - there must be a governing body you can check in with / report to?

AffIt · 01/02/2022 20:43

I should also add that there is more and more training given to amateur coaches working with young people to recognise signs of CSA / DV (I coach both equestrian sports and rugby) - we are expected to be, in many instances, trusted points of reference, so what this man is doing seems even more insidious.

Regularsizedrudy · 01/02/2022 21:24

Oh come on Hmm of course this isn’t normal

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 01/02/2022 21:46

If there was a group of kids waiting to be picked up and the coach said, here wait in my car as its freezing, then stayed outside the car but let the kids sit in there, I don't think I would mind.

Him asking her to get in with him 1 on 1 is weird and I would be raising merry hell about it. Doesn't matter if you change coach, he will do that again and again until one child who is a little too trusting agrees to get in.

The jacket thing is really intimate in my opinion, that's creepy and way too far. It's almost as bad as the car! Honestly I would be looking for a new group/coach and stop her going to this now. I would also make it clear to the organisers why.

OhWhyNot · 01/02/2022 21:53

Don’t feel guilty. Report to club and find another coach

He knows what he is doing there is nothing innocent about his behaviour at all

PinkSyCo · 01/02/2022 22:15

That is not a bit weird, that is a LOT weird. Thank God your DD was wise enough to tell you about this. Report him OP.

comedycentral · 01/02/2022 22:22

🚩🚩🚩

Kanaloa · 02/02/2022 01:42

@CannelloniMacaroni

Because it’s ridiculous. What parent sees their child’s sports coach calling them ‘nice and petite’ giving them their jumper to wear, and encouraging them to sit in a car alone with them and thinks ‘better get on to mumsnet, they’ll tell me that’s all normal and fine.’

She actually says in the op that she hopes everyone will tell her it’s normal/okay. I would seriously question why any parent would want to think this is normal or okay.

Kanaloa · 02/02/2022 01:44

And people are desperate to jump in going ‘I work in safeguarding and can definitely see signs this is off.’

Well duh. Matt Murdock could see those signs. Obviously it’s off to be flirting with a teenage student of yours and anyone with half a brain could see that immediately and wouldn’t be with the faux naive ‘oh haha you’ll probably say I’m overreacting.’

Hadalifeonce · 02/02/2022 01:52

When DD told me of some remarks made by the school bus driver, who we have known for several years, which made her feel uncomfortable
I just had a quiet word with him, and he was mortified he had made her feel that way. I think as he had known her for so long, he almost forgot the professional boundary. He apologised to her and it never happened again.

JustLyra · 02/02/2022 07:28

[quote Kanaloa]@CannelloniMacaroni

Because it’s ridiculous. What parent sees their child’s sports coach calling them ‘nice and petite’ giving them their jumper to wear, and encouraging them to sit in a car alone with them and thinks ‘better get on to mumsnet, they’ll tell me that’s all normal and fine.’

She actually says in the op that she hopes everyone will tell her it’s normal/okay. I would seriously question why any parent would want to think this is normal or okay.[/quote]
Because people would prefer that they’ve been OTT and a bit silly in their reaction than their child being in danger from a predator.

The OP’s reaction is very, very normal.

FanciedChange · 02/02/2022 08:51

So fucking creepy

Kanaloa · 02/02/2022 12:09

Well sorry I wouldn’t say that’s normal. If my daughter had told me that I would immediately remove her from the club and start looking for a new badminton coach. I wouldn’t think it was just a normal bit of coaching behaviour and I don’t think anybody I know really would.

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