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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friends/parents with different views to gaming and technology.

75 replies

Username536448227 · 31/01/2022 14:22

Each and every parent is entitled to their own opinions on using the internet, gaming, YouTube etc.

As a family we are very tech savvy, very technically driven, Dp is a massive gamer, kids have had use of iPads etc from a young age but in moderation. Both kids play video games. But do lots of other things to. It's about balance. DS is 11 and Dd 7. Ds is autistic and sometimes screen time is our saviour. Both me and dp are very clued up on online safety. DS's computer and Xbox is in our front room is never on his own with it.

Anyway... Dd has a best friend she goes school with. They also live close by and I have got friendly with the mother in recent weeks.

The mother is dead against any form of the technology which is her opinion and her choice.

But more recently she's made opinionated comments towards me or dc. Ds is autistic and on times he's innocently mentioned a funny video he watched or someone he follows on YouTube without thinking about it. 'Friend' has shut him down and asked me to stop him talking about YouTube in front of her or her kids. Saying well I don't let my kids watch YouTube or my kids don't need it, which again is her choice. But can she really expect others not to talk about it?! We are living in a world where it's everywhere. I am sure the kids talk about all sorts of stuff in the playground. Even the 7 year olds.

Recently we were early to school (god knows how) and had to wait out front for gates to open whilst stood near said friend and her kids. Ds was talking excitedly to another friend about a video game (roblox). She asked him to stop as her kids don't play it. They said nothing bad at all and the conversation wasn't even anything to do with her.

Ds mentioned he had an Xbox for Christmas (when she asked what he had for Christmas). She looked at me in pure disgust.

I get that she wants to keep her kids safe and avoid it all.

But aibu to think in today's world she cannot shelter her kids forever and cannot expect everyone else not to talk about anything just in case your kids might question things? Kids talk, probably more than she realises at school!

It's not like my kids are saying 'well you aren't allowed to do this and that'. It's not like that at all, my kids are very respectful and I teach them that all families are different. They just forget sometimes and start talking about things they are interested in or things they've watched or played.

Sometimes screen time is out saviour so I can get some things done when Ds is home. He is autistic as above and very full on. Sometimes gaming time is the only chill time we get.

OP posts:
yellowtwo · 31/01/2022 14:26

She's telling your 7 year old what to talk about to his friends! That is so out of order. Was the conversation outside school to her kids or another one?

DartmoorChef · 31/01/2022 14:30

She sounds a bundle of joy. Her kids won't thank her for it .

SNUG2022 · 31/01/2022 14:30

Distance yourself from this woman. I can't stand people being judgemental. Get some phrases ready in your head. She is not allowed to dictate the content of others conversations! How rude!

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 31/01/2022 14:35

She has no right to force her beliefs on anyone else - whether it’s tech or anything else. I would keep well away from her.

KKslidoff · 31/01/2022 14:36

I tell my kids that some parents don't allow the same things as we do and that we don't allow some things other parents do. Like when my kids tell me so and so has been allowed to drink mountain dew at 5 years old. Confused

It's not on that she's imposing her opinions on your kids. Or trying to control their conversations. As others have said, I'd be steering your DC away from them. Last thing you want is their DC playing at your house and then her giving you an earful because you've let them watch 20 minutes of telly.

MorningStarling · 31/01/2022 14:41

@KKslidoff

I tell my kids that some parents don't allow the same things as we do and that we don't allow some things other parents do. Like when my kids tell me so and so has been allowed to drink mountain dew at 5 years old. Confused

It's not on that she's imposing her opinions on your kids. Or trying to control their conversations. As others have said, I'd be steering your DC away from them. Last thing you want is their DC playing at your house and then her giving you an earful because you've let them watch 20 minutes of telly.

I really hope that's Mountain Dew, the fizzy drink rather than mountain dew, moonshine whiskey.
Oblomov22 · 31/01/2022 14:42

She sounds like the kind of mum that would piss me off within a millisecond. You need to say something and stand up for your child.

Santahasjoinedww · 31/01/2022 14:43

Just let her drown in her own smugness op.
Like the dps who don't allow sweets. Her dc WILL find a way.
But she isn't your friend..

Santahasjoinedww · 31/01/2022 14:44

Oh and her dc will be dangerously ill equipped when they discover it.

Stellaris22 · 31/01/2022 14:45

That mum sounds an absolute pain.

Our DD is in Y4 and has her own computer. She does play games but also uses it to practice coding and doing things like Times Tables Rockstars.

It is a bit odd to be so against using computers, nearly every job will involve computer literacy. Basic things like learning to type are essential, plus getting an interest in coding is going to be very useful.

MissMaple82 · 31/01/2022 14:45

If you want to poison your minds Monday then crack on with the You Tube and ignore her helpful hints!

BlingLoving · 31/01/2022 14:48

She sounds horrendous but there's no point judging her. However, you are absolutely within your rights to calmly and politely say that no, you will not police your children's conversations when those conversations about things that as a family you consider perfectly reasonable. And if that means you and your family don't spend much time with her, so be it.

DS has a friend whose mum tried to convince me that because she wouldn't let her DS play fortnight I should not let DS play fortnite as it was very hard for her son when my ds was allowed to do something that he wasn't. I was friendly and polite but.... no, I wasn't going to change my parenting to make her parenting easier.

Phrenologistsfinger · 31/01/2022 14:53

My DP spent his teen years gaming, taught himself to code, set-up his own games studio and has done incredibly well out of it, professionally and financially (better than my traditional profession career path!). Many games companies are struggling to get enough staff as there is a massive shortage of qualified people and the jobs pay well. I agree with moderation but people forget it is a skill and a career path!

Original poster
Username536448227 · 31/01/2022 14:56

@Phrenologistsfinger

My DP spent his teen years gaming, taught himself to code, set-up his own games studio and has done incredibly well out of it, professionally and financially (better than my traditional profession career path!). Many games companies are struggling to get enough staff as there is a massive shortage of qualified people and the jobs pay well. I agree with moderation but people forget it is a skill and a career path!
Interesting POV. I think my son would suit something like this fantastically when he's older! Dp is a massive computer 'geek' too, doesn't do anything like it for a living but he would definitely be good given the opportunity to train in it!
OP posts:
SartresSoul · 31/01/2022 14:56

She’s delusional if she believes her DC won’t already hear all about YouTube and Roblox at school and also if she believes they won’t resent her when they get older and they’re the weird kids who can’t play video games or watch YouTube.

Original poster
Username536448227 · 31/01/2022 14:59

@MissMaple82

If you want to poison your minds Monday then crack on with the You Tube and ignore her helpful hints!
I don't necessarily agree. Yes there are down sides, as in op we monitor usage and have parental controls etc etc. It is down to choice. Her comments are not helpful, we aren't changing our attitude to technology.

I grew up in a time before YouTube. I used to sneak on my tv and watch things that were way too old appropriate late at night. My mum was always out for the count and I'd watch all sorts of things that I won't list here. That probably poisoned my mind too way before YouTube came along.

OP posts:
Picklypickles · 31/01/2022 15:17

My 8yr old DS has autism and ADHD, he had absolutely no interest in reading either at school or at home before he started playing Minecraft, he was very behind his peers. Then he started to get frustrated at having to call someone else to read all the dialogue in the game all the time and suddenly his reading improved massively, he's almost free reading now!

My stepdad is always making little digs about my children playing on the playstation, when he was 6 he bought him a complicated robotics kit not at all suitable for his age and sniped "I want to know if you can do anything besides play video games"! They only get an hour each per day behaviour permitting!

Tell her to get lost!

seekinglondonlife · 31/01/2022 15:21

She sounds very scared and insecure. Personally I'd ignore her completely. At any attempt to shut down the conversation I'd probably just tell her to keep out. If she thinks her dc are never going to hear about YouTube or Roblox she's utterly delusional.

ItsRainingTacos · 31/01/2022 15:22

She's nuts and rude. My DCs don't have access to iPads, phones or TV other than what they are given at school but they are well aware of all the games other children play and YouTube. It wouldn't ever occur to me to stop other children discussing it with My DCs

Wreath21 · 31/01/2022 15:24

I agree that you should tell this funsponge that you will not police your children's conversation on her behalf. And maybe encourage your DC to stay friends with hers if possible as the poor little sods will need peer support with parents like that.

minniep · 31/01/2022 15:28

I have written your post OP I also know one of those women. I also have a six year old son with autism and YouTube is a saviour for us. My older DD also loves her tech and DH works for a tech type company so I totally get you. There have been several posts about this type of issue on a Facebook page I'm on for parents with autistic children. Many parents feel really judged when their children mention gaming or YouTube.

JustWonderingIfYou · 31/01/2022 15:29

Talking about videos know YouTube and computer games is pretty boring especially if you don't watch or play them. Maybe give your DS some other topics.

I would treat it the same as a Muslim or Jewish person asking not to be told constantly abou the yummy bacon sarnie he ate for breakfast. Different beliefs and all that.

SnowyPetals · 31/01/2022 15:30

We get this sometimes. DH and I are both very tech savvy, and DH works in the online gaming industry. As a result, we know lots of fun, age appropriate content that others are clueless about and we let our DC use/play it. Most of the time I think their refusal to engage comes from a good place, in that it can be a real minefield if you don't know the landscape very well, and parents want to protect their children. Just ignore her and crack on.

PicaK · 31/01/2022 15:32

She's so out of order.
Not sure how you tackle her but defend your own kids.

Picklypickles · 31/01/2022 15:37

@JustWonderingIfYou

Talking about videos know YouTube and computer games is pretty boring especially if you don't watch or play them. Maybe give your DS some other topics.

I would treat it the same as a Muslim or Jewish person asking not to be told constantly abou the yummy bacon sarnie he ate for breakfast. Different beliefs and all that.

But the boy was talking to his friend, who may well have been into the same topics! The conversation had nothing to do with the OP's "friend", she just decided to tell OPs son to stop having a conversation with his friend.

I think some of the other parents on the school run have really dull conversations with each other, I wouldn't dream of telling them to stop having a conversation with each other about dogs because I don't have a dog!