Exhausted and can’t help but need advice

[Chippingbird23]

Just sum it up I’m currently working and studying plus have children myself. A lady has asked me to help her after school for two afternoons a week pick child up take child to my house and then drop child back after mum is home from work. I drive a lot for work and I just need some time to do my stuff too. I don’t know how to tell her but I just can’t help. Maybe one day a week but my opportunity has come to further my dream career and I need that time instead of driving back and forth and babysitting. I feel and I really do but I don’t know how to tell her.

"I'm sorry, but I have a lot on at the moment and can't help out. Hope you sort out your predicament".

And don't feel guilty. Saying no really is okay!

Say that your current timetable is really precarious and you just can’t commit to what she’s asking for.

DO NOT even allude to the possibility that you could do one day a week.

DO NOT ENTERTAIN this woman or her request.

Do not entertain ANY part of it.

You have TOO much going on.

If you say yes at all, you will bitterly regret it.

Say NO and move on.

Do not allow yourself to be used.

That would be SO foolish.

This is not your problem.

Do not get involved.

Text her if it is easier.

But make it very very clear that YOU CANNOT HELP.

Wish her well.

'Sorry, the logistics wouldn't work.'.
Is this a relative or such? Why on earth would anyone think it was ok to ask that?!

Even the fact she wants you to drop her child back and not to pick them up speaks volumes. This is her problem and she is trying to make it yours.

Were there offers to pick up your child 2 afternoons in return and drop them back later. No? Thought not. Just sorry - no. Don't offer one day when you don't want to!

Nothing wrong with her asking. Nothing wrong with you saying no.

"Sorry, just have too much on. Hope you get it sorted."

Say no!!!! You'll be here in six months asking how to get out of it if you don't.

Did she offer payment too?

It is indeed OK to say no - just explain that your schedule would make it impossible.

I think it is reasonable for her to ask and see if you are able to do it, but wanting you to deliver the child to her when she gets back from work is not reasonable - she should pick the child up herself.

Could this child go to an after school club?

"I'm sorry i can't do that, i already have too much on. Good luck sorting something out."
I think asking you to pick up and look after her child for 2 afternoons a week is cheeky enough, but expecting you to drop them off once she's home too is taking the p*ss. Don't let anyone use you , ever. Many people will try and use you in life, be wise to it and say no without any guilt! Put you and your family first.

"No, this does not work for me."

Cheeky caa.

The classic MN line ‘sorry I can’t, that doesn’t work for me’. No reasons, excuses or anything else required. Don’t feel guilty about it either.

That’s really forward of her! Text her and make it clear it’s a no no no.

“Can’t help with this arrangement, I hope you find a solution, have a good week”

As many PPs, just a simple “no that doesn’t work for me” is all that needs to be said.

No apologies and no excuses required.

If you think she might be pushy when you say no and she keeps trying, have a stock phrase ready and repeat it at every enquiry until she gets the message or until you feel it's time to block her!

I can't help you - I don't have the time

Don't apologise and don't justify. Just because she has asked, doesn't mean you have any obligation to help or to make her feel better about you not being able to help.

I agree with previous posters. Just say no nicely - don’t feel like you have to explain yourself too much. It’s ok to say no when you don’t want to do something.

'Put your own mask on first' and all of that.

Your time is precious, and your kids deserve the best of you. Don't run yourself ragged for this.

Op - I just know you're going to feel the need to apologise and give explanations but don't. Just tell her that you won't be able to do it and that's that. Be ready for the day she asks you to do it just this once - and say no, you've already got too much on and you can't. Be firm.

I'm really sorry but I've got too much on to help you with that. I hope you get sorted

Who is this lady and why does she think you are available for regular childminding? Has she done you some massive favour in the past?

I agree with PP - this needs to be a blanket NO. If you give her an inch she will take a mile.

And look into why you find it so difficult to refuse unreasonable requests. Do you have issues with boundaries in general?

She isn’t pushy but says things like I will have to reduce my hours and I don’t even know if work will allow that. I’ve got debts because I did mention that I have taken a job I wouldn’t normally do for now to work around my children. I’ve always found it hard to say no to help people especially when they are desperate. If I don’t help she makes it sound like she will lose money but I’ve got my own stuff as well.

Just no. Obviously just no.