I know I've posted here before about the treatment I get from my family but I'm struggling and feeling worse.
We received the devastating news that my dad will die. No idea when or how it's going to happen but it will. My mum started staying at the hospital so she can be there if he doesn't make it through the night but that leaves her darling son and precious dogs at home alone. He's 32, by the way. He does have learning difficulties but I would say he's highly functional and very capable of looking after himself.
At the start of her staying at the hospital, about two weeks ago, she asked if I minded staying on the Monday night with my brother. This was on the Sunday. Of course I was happy to oblige so he wasn't on his own for the entire week as I know it can be lonely. She then asked if I would also stay the Tuesday. I had other plans, non cancelable, so told her it would mean me travelling back from Doncaster to Manchester and then back again and that's a lot as I'm going through fertility treatment and I need to remain as stress free as possible. Still, she pressed on. Then she asked if I'd stay that Sunday night too which would've meant driving from Sheffield hospital to Manchester, then back to Doncaster to stay with my brother, then back to Manchester on the Monday morning for my car's MOT, then back to Doncaster to stay the night, then back to Manchester first thing in the morning for a training course and then back to Doncaster. I work full time, I'm going through a redundancy and then there's the fertility treatment.
At this point I put my foot down. I told her quite simply 'no' and told her that if she wanted someone there every day then me and my sister would need to split it. Out came the 'but your sister has children' excuses. I told her that those children have a dad, I'm sure he's quite capable of looking after his children.
Mum: but you just don't understand. It's so difficult when you have children
Me: Yes, and it's difficult going through fertility treatment. I was exhausted doing it last time and I nearly had several accidents on the pass because I was falling asleep behind the wheel. My partner had to take a month out of work, unpaid, to drive me to the hospital so I didn't kill myself.
Mum: You just don't understand. It's just not simple when you have children.
Me: If you want someone there every day then me and my sister split it.
Mum: Well your sister has children so no
Me: Well I'm going through fertility treatment
Mum: Yes well your sister has living, breathing children.
I've been TTC for 6 years and had countless miscarriages. Our last round of treatment failed, I'm guessing because of how exhausted and run down I was with all the travelling.
I feel like I'm just a scapegoat to them and that my life doesn't matter because I don't have children. It's not the first time comments like that have been made and I'm at the point I think she's enjoying it.
I've pretty much cut contact with them and only talk when it's absolutely necessary in relation to my dad. It's breaking my heart but I know I shouldn't have to put up with what seems like utterly toxic behaviour.
I'm not the one being the asshole here... Right? :(