Should partners working full time still help?

[Wazza89]

If one partner is a sahp and the other works 35 hours a week? Is it unreasonable to expect the sahp to do absolutely everything around the home? Including the bins, garden, picking up empty biscuit/crisp packets, etc.

Yes. Of course it's unreasonable to expect the sahp to do absolutely everything. 35 hours a week doesn't even sound all that strenuous.

Depends a bit on the age and number of the children and what was agreed when the couple decided to have one partner at home.

If the kids are in school/nursery, then yes, I would expect the SAHP to do pretty much all of the housework. If there is a preschooler at home, then that balance would need to shift a bit but I would still expect the SAHP to do the majority of the domestic stuff. Multiple preschoolers and/or a tiny baby would be different again.

I would expect every adult and child over the age of about 4 to be able to dispose of their own rubbish appropriately, but that's a different issue in my mind.

Of course, you both work a 35 hour week (one at home and one at work). The rest of the time everything is split 50/50.

@AlexaShutUp I’m talking about a child of 2 is in school for 2 and a half hours a day.

35 hours is not a lot of hours, particularly if no work is done outside that time. 35 hours wouldn't be enough to take on ALL the household tasks/ admin/ maintenance etc as well as parenting.

Is picking up empty biscuit and crisp packets a thing in your house? Where are they coming from?

Anyway, I don't even like the term "help". It's not helping. It's being equal partners. When they're working, you run the house. When they're not, you both run the house.

Yabu for using the word “help”

If that is the direction you are coming from, I am not sure you really understand the concept of equal parenting

Is this what you both agreed when you became a SAHM?

I wouldnt expect to be left to do everything at home - oh and btw he isnt 'helping' he is doing his share of looking after his own child and the home.

[quote Wazza89]@AlexaShutUp I’m talking about a child of 2 is in school for 2 and a half hours a day.[/quote]
One child of 2? With a couple of hours in nursery each day? Yeah, I would expect you to do most of the domestic stuff tbh. It sounds like you have time.

I do think the other parent should do their fair share of parenting when they are around though. That should be split as equally as possible, for the child's sake as well as yours.

I am assuming the empty crisp packets etc are his that he chooses to leave lying around. That is shocking- your not his mother and him working doesnt mean he lies around being a sloth at home and treating you like his servant

I do the lions share of the home as DH works 60 hours a week in the form of various shifts in a high stress job (front line NHS ) but he does the bins/cooks dinner at least once/does the nursery drop or collect whenever he can/does toddler Ds' bed time whenever he can.

Everyone living in a house should contribute towards its smooth running.

The exact split of jobs depends on the nature of the job (is there a long commute? Is it physically demanding? Is it night shifts meaning worker sleeps by day?) and the number and age of the children. If there is, say, one 15 year old, then SAHP should be doing all the basic housework but I'd expect things like cooking to be shared at weekends.

Basically it should go this way: sahp does childcare and housework whilst working parent is at work. When working parent comes home, they should split what needs doing 50/50 and when everything is done both can relax.

Depends on their working hours, as in what time they go out and come home. For instance my dh works shifts, he does more than 35 hours but I do bulk of things here as I'm here and I rather things get done at a reasonable time. I wouldn't be happy him coming in 10pm at night and taking out the hoover or washing windows. So I get it done during the day.

@ShowOfHands I tidy the lounge before bed, come down and there’s crisps and biscuit packets lying around. P*sses me off!

Spent 3 hours yesterday sorting through DS’s clothes, cleaning the bathroom, and picking rubbish up from the spare room. Husband seems to think he’s doing me a favour staying downstairs with DS because apparently I have OCD and he knows I won’t relax until it’s done. Found myself thanking him then thought wtf?

It’s an office job, sat at a desk. Not saying he doesn’t work hard but it’s not physical labour!

Yes, why should a SAHP potentially be on call 247 and the one in paid employment not be expected to do any household duties? When you're both at home things should be split equally.

I've always worked fulltime while my husband was a sahd. I certainly never came home and did nothing, there was always something to do with the kids or the house.

Preschoolers- the home jobs should be pretty much split evenly because they are the most exhausting full time job - as kids go to school the sahp should do more.

All adults should clean up after themselves.
You should have equal amounts of leisure time. Caring for children and the home is work, not leisure.

Leaving empty packets of crisps and biscuits around is disgusting, whatever his occupation or weekly working hours.

There is a difference between housework - chores - and cleaning up after yourself as you go. Does he also expect you to put away his pijamas every morning, or pick up his wet towels from the floor after a shower or other such thing? Do you also need to button up his coat because you’re a SAHP?

There’s chores, and there’s being an independent adult capable of putting a packet of crisps in the bin after eating its contents.

That's just disrespectful leaving empty packets or even half eaten packets of biscuits lying about. Tell him you think you have mice (maybe you already do!)

And you know, of course, that if you continue to tidy up after him he'll come to expect that.

Well have you discussed the split of labour with him? What does he say?

It doesn't really matter what anyone here thinks as people have different set ups.

I have seen it happen where the Mum is SAHM and the Dad works so thinks it's ok to literally do nothing. Not even put his cup in the dishwasher or his dirty clothes in the laundry basket or pick up his chocolate wrappers or cum tissues. I wouldn't stand for that. Working FT doesn't get you out of being a decent human being and picking up after yourself. I do think it's fair that if one parent is working and the other is SAHP that the bulk is done by the SAHP. I have also known a couple where the SAHM did absolutely no housework and so her partner would come home after long hours, and have to clean the house, feed and bathe the kids and put them to bed (school age children). Totally not ok. So I don't think it's just men who take advantage of people, just what I've seen that it does happen both ways. Nobody should have to come home after a day at work and do everything, nobody gets to come home after a day at work and do nothing. SAHP does not mean 'human slave' either.

SAHM does not equate to skivvy. Yes she should do the lion's share of domestic work but that does not mean the working partner does nothing at all and flings dirty clothes and empty food packets on the floor expecting SAHM/ slave to pick them up.

Me and my H both work full time (closer to 50 hpw each rather than 35) and no one picks up after us! We put our own rubbish in the bin and our own clothes in the laundry. A fair amount is outsourced (childcare for example) and we split the rest of the domestic work. So one of us cooks and the other supervises homework/ bathtime/ bedtime. He does all the laundry and hoovering plus bins. I do most of the other cleaning and decanting the internal bins. I do most of the admin (school/ medical stuff, tradesmen etc). He deals with the garden and I will assist as required. We both do DIY jobs as necessary. We share the drop offs and pick ups. It's perfectly possible. Neither of us feel exhausted or put upon fitting that stuff in as well as FT work.