Should partners working full time still help?

[Wazza89]

If one partner is a sahp and the other works 35 hours a week? Is it unreasonable to expect the sahp to do absolutely everything around the home? Including the bins, garden, picking up empty biscuit/crisp packets, etc.

@toomuchlaundry thank you. Even when I worked 50 hours a week (before I went on mat leave), it was the same!

@BabyLove22 I’m applying for jobs :) Just because I don’t want to doesn’t mean I won’t! And yes, I know it’s hard. Hats off to you if that’s your situation.

Working parent is out working.
SAHP is looking after child to facilitate that.

SAHP is taking caring for child, not doing dishes.

100% of domestic work and any childcare outside of the 35 hours should be 50 50 split.

@RealBecca

Working parent is out working. SAHP is looking after child to facilitate that.

SAHP is taking caring for child, not doing dishes.

100% of domestic work and any childcare outside of the 35 hours should be 50 50 split.

I totally disagree with this, and wouldn't agree to be the WOHP in this scenario.

@Wazza89, every time you post, you're moaning about something your OH has or hasn't done.
If you're that unhappy, why not leave?
In your situation, especially in light of your previous thread around not wanting to work f/time (or, indeed more than the 2 hours cleaning job you had at the time), yep I do think you should be managing most of the aspects of running a house.
Your OH shouldn't be a slovenly wretch, but he doesn't come across as much of a catch on many of your threads.
You choose not to work, your son is at preschool 2.5 hours a day...you have PLENTY of 'you' time.

@RealBecca

Working parent is out working. SAHP is looking after child to facilitate that.

SAHP is taking caring for child, not doing dishes.

100% of domestic work and any childcare outside of the 35 hours should be 50 50 split.

Child is at nursery for 2.5 hours a day. That's more than enough time to get the basic housework done. There shouldn't really be any housework other than incidental things e.g. washing up after dinner to do in the evenings.

There have been so many depressing threads about this sort of thing in the last few days .

Of course a parent working a 35 hour week should expect to share chores and childcare. My DH regularly works 70-90 hour weeks and still does his bit at weekends, despite only getting a few hours sleep some nights. He also takes our DC out one weekend afternoon so I can have some time to myself to make up for me doing all dinners and bath times during the week. DH and DC do the shopping on the way home.

The biscuits/crisp packets thing is just disgusting. You're a human being not a skivvy. Do you do the shopping? If so, I wouldn't be buying any for a while and would put away any which you already have where he can't find them.

I agree about sharing childcare when the WOHP isn't working, but if the OP has 10 hours or so each week when her dc is in nursery, the vast majority of the household chores could easily be taken care of in that time.

I was at home, husband worked long hours. We both “clocked off” when he came home and anything that needed doing was shared.

It was a mentally taxing office job. May have done things slightly differently if he’d had a physically taxing job. Ie I’d have done bins, garden etc. while he did bath time/bedtime, supervised play etc.

Just read through some of your posting history about this 'peach' of a Man. He sounds awful. Misogynistic, controlling, irresponsible, sulking, selfish, a sex pest, verbally abusive and now grubby too. Does he have any redeeming qualities? I really think the problem here is that this relationship is just very Toxic. I don't know how You come back from that (or even if you can!) but I think the housework is just a symptom of a bigger problem.

As regards the post you made about not wanting to work full time, taken in isolation it seems like you're saying you don't think you should have to work for a living, but actually it's more you don't think you should have the work so that your partner can squander any money you earn on himself and you will still be responsible for 100% of the parenting and housework.

I really think you would be better out of this relationship. You would get full financial support then to either stay at home until your child is 3yo (then work part time) or to work part or full time Now and get your childcare funded through universal credit. Ofc you would still be responsible for all the parenting and housework, but there would be less housework to do with one less person. You wouldn't be being pestered for sex or made to feel guilty for going to bed earlier. You wouldn't have the illusion of a second parent and partner, but really that's all it is an illusion. Your carrying his dead weight around, and any money he earns he squanders on ridiculous pipe dreams. There is a better way to live than this, I promise.

Omg 35hrs a week is not full time!

Crikey! I reduced my hours by 1/4 down to 32 hours!

No it doesn't mean they do nothing!

I am the primary carer and I work that many hours! Christ alive!

Aahh @RedskyThisNight I kissed that post. Fully agree with you.

And, having now seen OP os the one who has child in nursery every day and doesnt want a job because it impacts on personal time, I'd say that the principal of my statement stands but OP...you need to get a job.

@RealBecca DS is in school 2.5 hours each day. I don’t know many employers who would hire someone to do such short shifts (including travel time, etc). It would be easier for me to work on weekends. I don’t mind or begrudge doing the majority of housework. I just don’t like picking crisp packets up off the floor. Btw, I’m actively applying for roles .

@RealBecca also, it’s not about personal time. I don’t want to pay for all the childcare myself. I think it should be split. I know the govt reimburse 89% but it’s still 11% of my wages on a minimum wage. I think my partner should pay some of it!

[quote BabyLove22]@Wazza89 reading your other thread of you "not wanting to work full time" I'd expect you to do the house stuff if you can't be arsed getting a job like every other mum has to do.. yet here you are writing many threads about how hard you have it, you know what is hard? Both parents working 50 hour weeks because they HAVE TO not because they want to.[/quote]
Looking at her other threads, empty packets are the least of her worries!

[quote Wazza89]@RealBecca also, it’s not about personal time. I don’t want to pay for all the childcare myself. I think it should be split. I know the govt reimburse 89% but it’s still 11% of my wages on a minimum wage. I think my partner should pay some of it![/quote]
or you could put all your money in one pot (ideally with some personal spending money each) and just pay all the bills out of it.
It's not as simple as saying your partner should pay some of the childcare without considering who pays other bills.

I do agree you shouldn't be cleaning up after your partner e.g. picking up crisp packets. TBH it sounds (I've not looked at your posting history) as though there are many issues with your relationship. the trick is to work out what the key ones are and not get diverted with more minor annoyances.