Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid over husband's inability to pick a house?

58 replies

fmac2987 · 30/01/2022 06:46

I'm expecting my second baby in May and we have a 20 month old DD. We need to get somewhere bigger and we have sold our current house with an 8 week settlement, so we know how much we have to work with.

Long story short we have seen about 20 homes and about 5 of them 3-4 times. I thought we had decided on the one, but then we got a call from an agent of another who opened up better negotiations on the asking price.

Essentially we have two offers accepted and we need to decide quickly. Or risk losing the one we originally wanted.

DH has been debating these two houses and others endlessly for two months, consulted his parents 3 times and we're about to go on consultation number 4.

We can afford both, one is more of a stretch. But I am absolutely fuming that he just can not pick one. I know its a big deal but given the lengthy discussions already had I honestly feel like we have enough to make a f-ing decision.

We can't delay our complete on the house due to how its been agreed.

AIBU? Honestly need perspectives as I feel like I've had the home I would have raise baby and first child in sorted and the flip flopping is making me really stressed.

OP posts:
AlDanvers · 30/01/2022 06:48

Just make the choice and tell him? Or say 'if you don't pick by tonight...we are going for this one'

Then just start the process.

FindmeuptheFarawaytree · 30/01/2022 06:51

Well if he can't decide which he prefers, why don't you? Think about which one you like and want to live in the most and tell him if he doesn't have a preference then you are both going to go for that one. It sounds like he needs to grow up a little, it's obviously fine to discuss things like this with parents, but not to wait for them to decide for you, which is what he seems to be doing.

Pootles34 · 30/01/2022 06:52

Sorry I don't understand - have you had offers accepted on both houses? For 2 months? Apologies if I'm misunderstanding this!

HarleyBarnes · 30/01/2022 06:53

He’s consulting his parents?! No way would I be tolerating my DH asking his parents about where we were going to be living and raising our children- I really don’t get this family emesh situation.

Choose one, then tell him.

Original poster
fmac2987 · 30/01/2022 06:53

@Pootles34

Sorry I don't understand - have you had offers accepted on both houses? For 2 months? Apologies if I'm misunderstanding this!
No the offers are recent, we've been looking at them and others for two months. The offers we made once we knew what we had to work with from the sale.
OP posts:
CiderJolly · 30/01/2022 06:56

It’s not nice putting in an offer when you haven’t decided on the house- you are knowingly messing someone around.

Your husband sounds extremely irritating.

Original poster
fmac2987 · 30/01/2022 06:58

@CiderJolly

It’s not nice putting in an offer when you haven’t decided on the house- you are knowingly messing someone around.

Your husband sounds extremely irritating.

Completely agree, we did put in the first offer quite genuinely, husband has flip flopped since and started negotiating with the other agent (on a Sunday no less).
OP posts:
Ipadflowers · 30/01/2022 07:01

I’d be more concerned about a bloke who couldn’t make a decision without consulting his mummy and daddy, I’m sorry, that would give me a level of ick that would be unrecoverable for me.

Mummadeze · 30/01/2022 07:02

Just say I really love and prefer house A or house B. I don’t want to muck around either of the owners. Let’s go for it and drop out of the other. He might be pleased if you are decisive.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 30/01/2022 07:09

This has nothing to do with his DP, they won't be living there. My STBXH used to involve his DP in decision making around house refurbishments when we built and decorated our extension, and I wouldn't get a say (one of the many reasons he's STBX).

It's also extremely unfair to the two sellers who both think they have a buyer and one of them is about to be messed around.

stuntbubbles · 30/01/2022 07:12

Just make the decision yourself, dig your heels in and give DH a deadline as pp said: unless you come up with a proper viable alternative, not in consultation with your parents who won’t be living there, we’re instructing solicitors to go ahead with house (whichever house).

Is he like this with everything? The parental consultations would drive me bats.

Goldbar · 30/01/2022 07:14

Do you have a preference?

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 07:21

Which one do you like. And why is he getting his parents involved?! Are they buying it? Are they living there?

Needdoughnuts · 30/01/2022 07:24

So have these sellers taken their properties off the market and informed solicitors etc? I can't believe you think this is ok! Decision NOW.

pumpkinpie01 · 30/01/2022 07:30

This can and needs to be a decision that takes an hour . You sit down with pen and paper and write a list of pros and cons , make the decision based on that. Yes it's a big decision but it doesn't need to be dragged out and neither should his parents be involved , he's a grown adult not a 18year old buying their first house .

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 07:32

Its shit or get off the pot time.
No more fucking about.

Sit him down tomorrow AM and tell him you want house A - It's your firm first choice.
You will also happily live in house B it's your second choice.

Does he want A or B?
Tell him to do pro and cons for both houses by midday/2/3pm or whatever and then make a decision.
If he can't - it's house A

Take the kids out and tell him when you get back if he can't have a sensible conversation just take over and pressing on with your first choice.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 07:32

Today mot tomorrow 😂

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 30/01/2022 07:35

@Ipadflowers

I’d be more concerned about a bloke who couldn’t make a decision without consulting his mummy and daddy, I’m sorry, that would give me a level of ick that would be unrecoverable for me.
Agree completely with this.
MooSakah · 30/01/2022 07:36

Are his parents paying?

ApolloandDaphne · 30/01/2022 07:48

Why are his parents even involved in the process? Tell him which one you prefer and suggest you just get on with it.

BrambleRoses · 30/01/2022 07:51

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ask your parents or friends or siblings what they think.

He does need to make a decision, though. My DH can be a bit like this! So annoying.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2022 07:51

You are both way out of order to be offering on houses you are not going to follow through on

It’s people like you that make house buying such an ordeal in the uk.

hopeishere · 30/01/2022 07:55

DH does this - gets a million opinions. Drives me mad.

What's stopping him deciding is the money (being a stretch), location, the actual house? What does he say is stopping him from deciding?

Although surely it should be a joint decision anyway. Which do you prefer? Just keep repeating "I want house A".

MrsTophamHat · 30/01/2022 07:55

It doesn't really sound as though you have made a decision either, so I'm not sure why this is all on him?

Which one do you think you should buy?

Why is he putting an offer in on a second house?

You sound just as passive to be honest.

Phineyj · 30/01/2022 08:01

My DH can be like this with decisions so tbh I just make them and let him know. Obviously he gets a say but otherwise we would never move, go on holiday or replace broken or worn out things if I left it up to him.

It is a problem that he's referring the decision to his parents, but maybe he wouldn't if you took over? You're the one who will be most inconvenienced (apart from the vendors of course!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread