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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid over husband's inability to pick a house?

58 replies

fmac2987 · 30/01/2022 06:46

I'm expecting my second baby in May and we have a 20 month old DD. We need to get somewhere bigger and we have sold our current house with an 8 week settlement, so we know how much we have to work with.

Long story short we have seen about 20 homes and about 5 of them 3-4 times. I thought we had decided on the one, but then we got a call from an agent of another who opened up better negotiations on the asking price.

Essentially we have two offers accepted and we need to decide quickly. Or risk losing the one we originally wanted.

DH has been debating these two houses and others endlessly for two months, consulted his parents 3 times and we're about to go on consultation number 4.

We can afford both, one is more of a stretch. But I am absolutely fuming that he just can not pick one. I know its a big deal but given the lengthy discussions already had I honestly feel like we have enough to make a f-ing decision.

We can't delay our complete on the house due to how its been agreed.

AIBU? Honestly need perspectives as I feel like I've had the home I would have raise baby and first child in sorted and the flip flopping is making me really stressed.

OP posts:
Zonder · 30/01/2022 08:01

Which do you prefer? Tell him that's the one and it's time to close the deal.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 30/01/2022 08:04

Sounds like a manchild consulting mummy and daddy constantly. This will be the pattern for you.

Also why is he choosing? Just pick the one you like/suits your family needs best and say it's this one or I'm out.

DrSbaitso · 30/01/2022 08:06

Are you involved in the decision?

MargosKaftan · 30/01/2022 08:07

You make the decision. Say to him, if you can't decide, I prefer house A/B. Make him argue to keep the other in the mix. Then agree with him if he's convincing.

If it helps, my DH would struggle sometimes with massive decisions like this. It is such a big decision, theres the fear of getting it wrong, not just for himself but for his family. At this point I'll rave about one option and then he's not been the only one making a choice. Is your DH including his parents because he doesn't want to be the only one making such a big decision? Just tell him which one you prefer and take it from there.

curlii103 · 30/01/2022 08:07

3 /4 viewings and 2 offers! Thats mad at the best of times and i thought houses were being snapped up at the minute. Go for the first one you can afford it. I wouldnt get the one i loved less becaise it was cheaper if i didnt have to

SamMil · 30/01/2022 08:09

Why is the decision resting on him? Which house do you prefer?

Cstring · 30/01/2022 10:29

Set a deadline by the end of the day today, and if you haven’t decided jointly, tell him you’re making the decision and will inform the estate agent tomorrow.
You can’t mess people around like this, you shouldn’t have made any offers until you were sure. Time wasters.

Gardengates · 30/01/2022 10:31

Your poor sellers

Karwomannghia · 30/01/2022 10:34

Amazed you got married! Get the one in the better location

Howshouldibehave · 30/01/2022 10:35

Blimey-do the two sellers know about the other? That’s dreadful!

Which do you prefer?

lechatnoir · 30/01/2022 10:36

If either get wind of two offers being on the table (& estate agents do talk to each other) then you might end up with neither so you need to resolve this TODAY. if he genuinely can't decide then just make the final decision yourself and/or go with the one in the best position to proceed . Have both sellers found? Length of onward chain can have a huge baring on likelihood to actually go through.

AgathaX · 30/01/2022 10:42

Do you prefer one over the other? Are you having input into the decision making? I don't understand why you wouldn't just say which you prefer, since he is clearly so undecided, then crack on with the purchase.

gamerchick · 30/01/2022 10:48

You've made offers on 2 houses? That's not cricket is it?

Maybe you'll lose both, would be what your bloke deserves tbh and you for going along with it.

Why can you just put your foot down and choose.

AdobeWanKenobi · 30/01/2022 10:51

Agents talk OP and if as a seller I found out you had offered on two properties I wouldn't even let you view.

FreedomFaith · 30/01/2022 10:55

Just tell him which one you are going for and end discussions. If he can't make up his mind quick enough he doesn't get to choose and is obviously happy with either.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 30/01/2022 10:56

Make you wonder how he decided to do anything really. :o

It's pretty awful that you have put out two offers though, someone out there thinks they have sold their house and you and your flake of a husband are stringing them along because he "can't decide"

TheNoodlesIncident · 30/01/2022 10:58

Either you stick with the one you originally made an offer on - presumably you were serious about it at that point Hmm - or draw up a list of pros and cons as suggested and make a decision from that.

It's extremely difficult when it's such a big decision with so many possibilities of things being wrong/not what you expected, but at some point you'll both have to decide and hope for the best.

How you would you feel if the agents for House A told you the sellers had pulled out? How would you feel if the agents for House B told you they had pulled out? Would one bother you more than the other? Then you go with that one. And you get a move on with it, and send regrets to the other sellers, and stop messing them about. Two offers at once is very, VERY bad form. Angry

ChaosMoon · 30/01/2022 11:05

Just tell him he has until morning to decide or you're buying house A. You'll cancel the other one. If he doesn't like that decision, it means he wants house B, so cancel house A. Either way, it's done by lunch time tomorrow.

affairsofdragons · 30/01/2022 11:29

Tell him his parents don't have to live there, you do, so they don't get a say. And, since he obviously can't decide between the final two, you will, as, again, you'll be the one living there!

Why can't you have the final say? Why does it have to be him? Tell him you want X house and tell him to just sort it out!

Cantleave · 30/01/2022 11:35

It will serve you right if both sellers pull out and I actually hope they do! You are both behaving disgustingly by having agreed to buy 2 houses. Don’t blame your dh, you are just as much to blame, by going along with this. I feel so sorry for the family, who think you are buying their house, but you aren’t! They will be making plans on where they will be moving, and putting offers in, in the mistaken belief that you are buying their house. Because of you a chain will probably break down and several other families will end up suffering because of this!

AlDanvers · 30/01/2022 11:40

Did op never come back and say why she hadn't put her foot down and picked instead?

TreeLawney · 30/01/2022 11:41

Well which one do you want? If DH can’t decide then you need to. And quickly.

AhNowTed · 30/01/2022 11:44

If I owned the first house you offered on it would be straight back on the market.

SequinnedShawl · 30/01/2022 11:45

DH has been debating these two houses and others endlessly for two months, consulted his parents 3 times and we're about to go on consultation number 4

So your husband respects his parents opinion but not yours. Hmm

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/01/2022 11:45

I don't understand why you don't just decide and then tell him. His flip flopping would annoy me no end & his disregard and poor treatment of the first sellers is also horrible (& that's on you too).

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