Does he punch walls or is there another explanation?

[Treeshadow]

I met a guy in a pub the other night. He was a friend of a friend. He seemed very sweet and shy, a really nice person.

However, as I talked to him I saw out of the corner of my eye that his knuckles were really red and sore. I thought perhaps eczema. Then I noticed they were actually scraped with fresh cuts.

To me there is only one explanation for that - he has hit a wall or door with some force. Or a person, but I don't know what that would look like. My ex used to punch holes in walls. But is there another explanation? A sport? I know he works in an office so he's not been tree felling or something. Or maybe he has. But there were no other bruises or scratches on him.

I don't want to judge him but I would absolutely avoid someone who had that kind of violent outburst for whatever reason. It scares me. I'm likely to run into him again, so I'm wondering if I should politely avoid or give him the benefit of the doubt?

Why dont you just ask him what has happened to his hand?

DIY? building / using tools at home? Punching walls isn’t the only explanation.

Honestly no one is going to be able to tell you the answer

But the fact you’re checking his knuckles and wondering if he punches walls shows you’re probably not ready for a relationship, it’s not a healthy assumption to be making

@Hellocatshome

Why dont you just ask him what has happened to his hand?

Don’t do this. I’ve had eczema on my hands and felt desperately self conscious about it, I’d absolutely hate a potential date to ask me what’s wrong with my hands

Why don’t you ask him? I had similar on my knuckles a while ago where my hand brushed the top of the oven. They then kept catching on things and ripping the scabs off. Lots of people asked me what I’d done to my hand.

Depends if on one hand or two? Both could eczema? Esp this time of year. One then maybe punching walls. Trust your gut.

I think you're massively overthinking an encounter with a friend of a friend that you have no concrete plans to see again.

Bulimia or BED?

I can think of other explanations OP. For example DH did that to his knuckles the other day by carrying a chair through a doorway, and scraping his knuckles on the door frame.

Obviously your history is important context here, but it's quite a giant leap to assume that pretty much the only reasonable explanation is that he punches walls or people!

Eczema can look like little cuts. The handwash where I work is vicious and I have to take my own in or within 48 hours I look like I’ve been wrestling angry cats.
Ask him, it’s the only way you’ll find out.

Dps hands constantly look like that because of his job.......on occasion mine do too. Usually when I've come a cropper with the cheese grater

If he's a friend of a friend, can you not ask if he does any sports? Or dig to find an explanation.

I know people who go to a boxing club, who are genuinely nice men and women. But they regularly have bashed up hands.

DP's hands sometimes get like this in the winter. They're dried out and cracked but they look like scrapes (he probably itches them a bit).

My knuckles looked like that when I used the pads for punching in a martial arts class.

Your history is relevant, but it’s quite a leap.

Training at a gym or outside? Fist push ups on tarmac could do that.

@Hellocatshome

Why dont you just ask him what has happened to his hand?

No one does that.. just like no one in soaps/films calls the police

My knuckles always look like that at the moment red scraped and skin splits... its the constant handwashing and hand gel for me

My DH can look like he's just done 3 rounds with Mike Tyson but in reality, he's just filled up the bird feeders in the garden.
He's very clumsy and lacks a delicate touch but is a lovely soul who wouldn't harm a fly.
As for your friend of a friend, he could be like my DH or he could be a thug - or anything in between.

Don’t do this. I’ve had eczema on my hands and felt desperately self conscious about it, I’d absolutely hate a potential date to ask me what’s wrong with my hands

I appreciate that its not nice for someone to draw attention to something you feel self conscious about but given the OPs history and her go to theory being he hits things/people it seems important for her to find out the cause. I certainly wouldn't advise her to phrase it as "whats wrong with your hands?" which is just rude, there are better ways of phrasing it that will give OP peace of mind and not be hurtful.

My Dad did this to his hand recently carrying something.

@Hellocatshome

Don’t do this. I’ve had eczema on my hands and felt desperately self conscious about it, I’d absolutely hate a potential date to ask me what’s wrong with my hands

I appreciate that its not nice for someone to draw attention to something you feel self conscious about but given the OPs history and her go to theory being he hits things/people it seems important for her to find out the cause. I certainly wouldn't advise her to phrase it as "whats wrong with your hands?" which is just rude, there are better ways of phrasing it that will give OP peace of mind and not be hurtful.

Totally disagree. This is a friend of a friend who she’s met ONCE.

If she feels the need to ask someone why he has cuts on his hands just in case he’s a wall puncher then she isn’t ready to date. What’s the answer anyway? Is he likely to say “oh yeah I punch walls” or is he going to make something up? So either he’s a liar but you don’t know that or you make a perfectly nice man feel a bit shit and self conscious.

I know lots of people with some awful skin on their hands now because of covid sanitisation. Dry skin cracks and bleeds!

My hands looked like that when I did boxing training. And when I was bulimic. My ex’s hands looked like that when he’d been in a drunken fight.

You won’t know unless you ask or he volunteers.

@Hellocatshome

Don’t do this. I’ve had eczema on my hands and felt desperately self conscious about it, I’d absolutely hate a potential date to ask me what’s wrong with my hands

I appreciate that its not nice for someone to draw attention to something you feel self conscious about but given the OPs history and her go to theory being he hits things/people it seems important for her to find out the cause. I certainly wouldn't advise her to phrase it as "whats wrong with your hands?" which is just rude, there are better ways of phrasing it that will give OP peace of mind and not be hurtful.

If he did acquire the grazed violently he won’t say so.

I know someone who broke bones in their foot kicking something in temper. He told everyone he slipped on ice.

Abd what is the OP supposed to say to make him feel better? “I am drawing attention to your possible eczema because I have been in an abusive relationship and want to know whether you are violent”?