Does he punch walls or is there another explanation?

[Treeshadow]

I met a guy in a pub the other night. He was a friend of a friend. He seemed very sweet and shy, a really nice person.

However, as I talked to him I saw out of the corner of my eye that his knuckles were really red and sore. I thought perhaps eczema. Then I noticed they were actually scraped with fresh cuts.

To me there is only one explanation for that - he has hit a wall or door with some force. Or a person, but I don't know what that would look like. My ex used to punch holes in walls. But is there another explanation? A sport? I know he works in an office so he's not been tree felling or something. Or maybe he has. But there were no other bruises or scratches on him.

I don't want to judge him but I would absolutely avoid someone who had that kind of violent outburst for whatever reason. It scares me. I'm likely to run into him again, so I'm wondering if I should politely avoid or give him the benefit of the doubt?

There could be a thousand explanations.

Jumping to the conclusion that he punches walls indicates you're not ready for a relationship at this point.

I don't think you need to avoid him, but I wouldn't take it any further either.

Ooh yes I also had some awful knuckles when I went to boxing exercise classes!

Agree that if you think punching walls is the “only explanation”, you’re not ready to date yet OP.

Thanks, all.

I didn't ask because it would have been a bit rude. Really reassuring to know that there's plenty of other explanations.

A simple 'omg what happen to your poor hand'

Just ask him!

Mine look like this because I get contact dermatitis and the cold weather also makes them crack which looks like little cuts. I'd say your assumption is a massive leap!

@Wingedharpy

My DH can look like he's just done 3 rounds with Mike Tyson but in reality, he's just filled up the bird feeders in the garden. He's very clumsy and lacks a delicate touch but is a lovely soul who wouldn't harm a fly. As for your friend of a friend, he could be like my DH or he could be a thug - or anything in between.

Love this! 😂

Personally I wouldn't jump to that conclusion, but it's natural that you'd worry given your experience.

I would ask (something sympathetic like, "your hands looks really sore, did you hurt it?"), and watch his response carefully. If his answer and tone and body language didn't ring true I'd steer clear.

My dh has awful sore knuckles in winter. He does a lot of gardening and cutting logs so it’s hard to avoid.
He’s never punched anything or anyone in his life.

I sometimes get really bad dermatitis in the winter, so bad that my knuckles actually bleed. If both his fists are red and sore I suspect he suffers with that or similar. If it is just on right (or left if he’s left handed) hand though you might be right to be worried.

The hand gel 100% wreaks havoc on my hands, I've had to buy my own to use in each shop.

I sometimes get this with eczema. Usually a finger and knuckles. I have cream from the doctor but because of all the hand washing, sanitising, antibac it's taking forever to clear or I just get it cleared and it's back again!

There could be a thousand explanations.

Jumping to the conclusion that he punches walls indicates you're not ready for a relationship at this point.

I don't think you need to avoid him, but I wouldn't take it any further either.

This 100%!!

My hands appear like this sometimes, no punching just a skin condition. It's extremely painful and can be embarressing when people comment. Maybe give him a chance

I have red knuckles from punching pads at Taekwondo and you couldn’t find anyone less likely to be physically violent than me.

However it is so good that you are alert to potential red flags. Trust your gut.

DP frequently has hands like that if he’s been doing car repairs and struggling to get parts on or off where there isn’t much space to work

Grazed knuckles can be a hockey injury. You usually wear a glove to protect from it but it can still happen.

Could have scraped his hands on a wall accidentally, I've got a nasty scar on my knuckle where I scraped my hand between the wall and a heavy bit of furniture, did look like I'd been in a fight when it was fresh.

Could be eczema, could be into boxing (DH had permanently split knuckles from boxing when we first met), could be that he goes around punching people/walls, but I'd like to think that's one of the less likely causes.

I'd agree with others asking whether you really feel ready to date. It's good to be wary, but you seem to have latched onto something that the majority of people wouldn't have given much of a thought to if he otherwise seems like a reasonable guy.

Dry hands from hand washing and cold, coupled with hand sanitiser will cause sore/raw/bloody knuckles. As will gardening, painting (some paints can make your hands raw trying to get it off) some DIY...

Punching someone's lights out wouldn't be the first thing I'd go to but I can see why you went there.

He could have fallen off his bike. Or punched his wife. Who knows?

His job, chronic over washing and not drying (could be anxiety based), boxing, martial arts, losing his keys and having to break down his back door to get into the house, playful kittens…

Punching walls in many houses really doesn’t cause that much physical damage unless it’s solid wall.

I bruised my knuckles the other day stopping my daughters pram going flying into a wall. Didn't realise everyone was now going around assuming I punched either walls or people as a pastime. And I say this as someone who used to be in an abusive relationship.

My DH gets this. It's eczema brought on by cold and handwashing then make worse by him scratching it.

Rock climbing