To feel sorry for child being disciplined?

[turtleturtle]

Or controlled it seems to me!

I'll try to explain as best I can without outting myself.

Of course, each parent needs to discipline their child as they see fit. You know your child best and what works for one, may not work for another...

However, I have a friend and her DP who's discipline style honestly seems so obsessive and controlling!
Her DC5 is your average 5 year old, not excessively naughty but by no means an angel, just like my own DC.

I was out with them last week (friend, her DC, her partner which is also her DC step parent, and my own DC who is the same age).

Their whole focus every single time is around the discipline. Their DC is constantly being told what to do, what is expected, and if they are slightly out of line they are threatened with consequences. In itself the model seems fair, but it is honestly CONSTANT.

There is no other conversation in between, no nice times or chats, the only time the child is spoken to is to be told what is expected or to be told what the punishment is.
It just seems so in-proportionate to the child's age and behaviour.

It makes things awkward too as I feel I am a bit more flexible with my DC, so I feel so sorry when my friends DC is constantly being told off for seemingly "kid" things.

They (my friend and her DP) are very much a tag team, again which seems like a good model, but it just comes across in such a coercive way. They just seem so cold and seem to have forgotten it's just a 5 year old and to also enjoy time together.

My friend and her DP both sit and cuddle, hold hands, talk etc, but this doesn't seem to be reflected to the DC.
5 year olds aren't robots and can't always sit quietly and behave impeccably and remember every instruction but it very much seems this is the outcome they are trying for.
It just makes me so sad as that DC has no other choice.

AIBU to feel sorry for the DC or should I just mind my own business?

Poor child, he's 5 years old fgs! Every interaction being a negative one is going to lead to self esteem and self confidence issues! Equally, if you can't show affection to a 5 year old in public you might want to address that as what you do now is certainly going to impact on the type of teenager they become. There are so many British parents that are like this, terrified of public displays of actually liking your child and I do think most of it is for others benefit when out and about. I remember my child who was about 7 waiting in a queue for a slide, a little girl about 3 turned around on the slide to climb up it and the Mum was so ott about it- no we don't do that, there is a queue and you are annoying everyone, a sharp, 'off you get now'. Really no need my DD and I were like this as even my DD appreciated her age and didn't really care, it was only her and another girl in the 'queue'. I think she did it as she was embarrassed about her DDs lack of conformity but that's not about the child's behaviour, that's about your insecurities.