To quit a 50k a year job to retrain as a childminder?

[careerchangemaybe]

Just that really. I've recently returned to my job from maternity leave and I'm just hating the time apart from my DC, who is only 9 months. It's inspired me to consider a change of career to enable me to look after my child myself whilst earning a living. I know I'll make nowhere near my current salary but I'll be with my baby, so surely that makes up for the loss of money? Would this be an insane decision?? I do feel like I'm basing this more on emotions than logic. So happy to be told it's insane...

You can be a childminder for a few years, and then come back to your previous career. Yes, you might have to come back at a lower level, but you'll catch up later.

Don't forget, being self-employed you will be responsible for your own pension.

I have a childcare background and, even though I didn't have a salary to give up as I wasn't working after I had my first, there is no way I would be a childminder. It is an incredible amount of work, and the disruption to my own children now they are older and entering school would be too much. It would limit their options for extracurricular activities and play dates etc if I was responsible for other children during that time. I was hell bent on being home with my children whilst they were young, and while I'm not sure I'd do things differently if I had my time again, I do feel I wish I'd kept my options open more.

Children, I am finding, seem to actually need more from you (granted in very different ways than when they are young) as they get older. In your position I would give it a few months and keep accessing how you feel, then as they grow you'll have the option to scale back hours so you could potentially have more time with them a few days a week after school, without having to care for other children also.

It also depends on your house. My home is my sanctuary and I feel very stressed if my home is chaotic. If you have a big enough space for a 'work' playroom, spare bedroom for children a naps etc then that's one thing, but don't underestimate how intrusive it could feel to your home. Your partner (assuming you have one) would need to be completely on board.

nokidshere
And the 1-2 days away from your baby will be good for them in terms of healthy separation - otherwise you will be building a rod for your own back because when your child gets to 4 and has to be prised away from due to severe anxiety at having to attend nursery/school alone, that will be even more heart breaking…

What an absolute load of tosh
I'd love to see evidence for this?

@pompomseverywhere do you mean for the original statement I quoted or my comment saying it's tosh?

Yes, PT is the way to go (and becoming a child minder, downsizing the house etc would be pure insanity)!

@Clymene

I can promise you that you'll regret this. You have a good, high earning career. Your baby is so young that you don't feel touched out and annoyed.

Basically, your hormones are calling to you in the same way that mermaids call to you from the deep. Resist!

Reconsider in a year's time.

Love this!

@nokidshere

nokidshere And the 1-2 days away from your baby will be good for them in terms of healthy separation - otherwise you will be building a rod for your own back because when your child gets to 4 and has to be prised away from due to severe anxiety at having to attend nursery/school alone, that will be even more heart breaking…

What an absolute load of tosh
I'd love to see evidence for this?

@pompomseverywhere do you mean for the original statement I quoted or my comment saying it's tosh?

The original ridiculous comment 🤪

@HaveringWavering OP did actually say she was requesting "reduced hours" not "compressed hours". "Reduced hours" to me suggests reduced pay and doing fewer hours of work, not changing the hours or days but working the same number of hours.

@careerchangemaybe

Being a woman with ambition who also wants to be a good mum is shit…

Agreed. It's so tough trying to find the balance.

I mean plenty of women have managed it. My own mother was/is a head of SEN services as well as a mother of 5 and 4 of us have autism or ADHD...and she came from a poor household with no financial support. You just need to choose between working fulltime or part time currently.

It is very normal to find it hard leaving babies. I know there are people who skip off and can’t wait to get back to work but most of my friends found it incredibly hard.

Long-term it makes much more sense to go part time in your current job than try and set up a business that is much lower earning and wouldn’t necessarily give to you the quality time with your baby you’re yearning for.

Another factor to consider is if you want a second. Don’t underestimate the value of maternity pay, pension payments etc. if you were a childminder, you’d likely have to let down your families when you had the second as your ratios would be affected, question as to whether you could provide effective care heavily pregnant/with a newborn etc.

I felt like you almost a year ago op, when I put my baby into nursery at 8.5m (two days pw) before returning to work at 10m. I had never visited it inside due to covid. I had to learn to express. She would cry dreadfully with relief at pickup time. I thought it would be like this forever and wanted to chuck in my job too.

But now she loves nursery and she's learnt so much there and I'm getting used to expressing. You know what, I would agree with PP that I was being a bit wet.

You will look back on this rude and sanctimonious comment below, in a year's time, and cringe with shame. I haven't lost all sympathy with you, I still sympathise with you, but oh my, you are very wrong.

I've chosen to ignore a couple of previous posters who used terms like "ridiculous" or "a bit wet" to describe my yearning for my baby when I'm at work. I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am. 🤷‍♀️

I live somewhere maternity leave is shorter and it is quite normal for babies to go to daycare or a childminder 5 days a week from 3 or 4 months old. Being a SAHM is not common unless you are a foreigner (in which case not working probably has a lot to do with not speaking the local language or having transferrable qualifications).

I initially felt very unhappy about the prospect of a short maternity leave (and I still think 4 months is too short and luckily I was able to extend it to 7 with holiday and some unpaid leave).

The babies are not traumatised and neither are the parents. Childminders actually tend to say the settling in period is much easier when the baby is only 3 months old because after 6 months they start to get separation anxiety. My son started with her when he was 8 months old and within a few days it was all fine.

At the end of the day, your baby won't remember whether you took a long maternity leave or not. My mum went back to work part time when I was 5 and my brother was 3, and I have very few memories of before that age. I have a couple of vague memories of nursery school, and I remember one day when I was in reception my mum forgot to pick me up from school because she was busy doing a puzzle with my brother at home. I have much clearer memories of being 8 or 9 years old and always being the last to be picked up from school because my mum (who was a teacher) thought she had time to finish her job at a school on the other side of town and come and pick us up (even if she had jumped in her car within 30 seconds of the bell going it would have been tricky, and she is a faffer).

The point is, children aren't traumatised by going to nursery school or a childminder, or going to after school clubs or being picked up from school by a childminder. Long maternity leaves and staying at home with the kids are, I think, more for the mother than they are for the child, who will be fine either way.

You will look back on this rude and sanctimonious comment below, in a year's time, and cringe with shame.

Why are people still hell bent on misinterpreting this comment?! Unbelievable. I won't cringe with shame because I have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about. I responded in an appropriate manner to being called what were really quite rude and unempathic terms by other posters. A point conveniently forgotten by everyone.🤷‍♀️

The point is, children aren't traumatised by going to nursery school or a childminder, or going to after school clubs or being picked up from school by a childminder. Long maternity leaves and staying at home with the kids are, I think, more for the mother than they are for the child, who will be fine either way.

It's very helpful for me to keep this in my mind. Thank you!

@careerchangemaybe
OP I think it’s just that your message seems to be equating being maternal with completely altering (wrecking) your career. Which many women just aren’t prepared to do especially when earning 50 grand in a job they actually like! Some women actually actively want to get back to their work outside of the home and this doesn’t make them any less ‘maternal’ or any less of a good mother

Go for it if you’re aware of all the pitfalls.

Our childminder is often closed as her child is unwell. It must be stressful for her, and it is for us too. Kids catch everything when they’re in childcare- unwell every month. But that’s something you’ll deal with in returning to work anyway.

If you enjoy your job stick with it

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@careerchangemaybe
OP I think it’s just that your message seems to be equating being maternal with completely altering (wrecking) your career. Which many women just aren’t prepared to do especially when earning 50 grand in a job they actually like! Some women actually actively want to get back to their work outside of the home and this doesn’t make them any less ‘maternal’ or any less of a good mother[/quote]

Once again, for the last time because this is draining I certainly do not have the energy for it.

I am NOT equating keeping your career with lack of maternal feeling. I am equating the mentality that a mother is "wet" and "ridiculous" for missing her baby at work, with an inability to understand and/or experience maternal feelings on the same level that some other mothers do. Because let's face it, appraising a mother as "wet" or "ridiculous" for feeling that way certainly suggests an inability to empathise with that sort of strength of feeling.

I won't be explaining this again.

Thanks again to all those who offered helpful advice (and are able to understand where I am coming from and what my intended meaning is without repeated misinterpretation).

@MarshaBradyo

If you enjoy your job stick with it

I do! And I actually had a good day today, being reminded of why I chose my career in the first instance.

(I still missed my baby like mad... but I missed her whilst enjoying doing something else, so that's a better position to be in than I was in a few weeks ago!)

I think it’s really normal to feel as you do

It’s hard to really miss your baby, and I am a bit past that stage so it’s easier to say, but having a good career is really valuable.

I hope you get the reduced hours passed

Really three times 🙈

I nannied for over 20 years. I would think very carefully about this. It is great to be able to spend time with your DC when working (I used to take my child to work) however, it is not easy primarily as you find yourself putting other children before your own. Childminders have pressures from parents, a hell of a lot of paperwork, OFSTED inspections and your own accounts to sort. Your home will be taken over with toys and resources, and the clean up operation once the kids have gone home is epic. You also face the issue of kids not getting on with yours. My first child was very sociable, but the second did not enjoy the company!
It can work really well though if kids get on and it's lovely to plan activities and days out. A lot of it is drudgery though!

@MarshaBradyo

I think it’s really normal to feel as you do

It’s hard to really miss your baby, and I am a bit past that stage so it’s easier to say, but having a good career is really valuable.

I hope you get the reduced hours passed

Thank you

OP .. keep your job , it’s too valuable to let go .
You will adjust in a new routine with your mother of a young baby role / professional (double !) life .
I’ll guarantee that it will just gel and feel right in time .
It’s so hard when they are so young and cute and you just want to spend every single minute with them .
She’ll get bigger and enjoy spending time away from you - nursery/ school etc as she grows . You’ll be proud and sad about that in equal measures !!

Your feelings are natural- think about the fun things you will be able to do with her as you’ll have the means to do so .

I’m living my best life doing all sorts with my DD … couldn’t do that without my good salary .
DD loves that I have a great job ( she’s a teen now ) and is intent in working hard to be able to secure a good role in time too ..

Enjoy your baby - it’s fun - but so is work (mostly !) - you can do both ..

I have a meeting tomorrow about the reduced hours. Keeping everything crossed 🤞🏻

I did 4 days and I had Fridays off back then .. used that day to catch up on domestic things which meant we had a pretty free weekend .
Good luck 🤞