To quit a 50k a year job to retrain as a childminder?

[careerchangemaybe]

Just that really. I've recently returned to my job from maternity leave and I'm just hating the time apart from my DC, who is only 9 months. It's inspired me to consider a change of career to enable me to look after my child myself whilst earning a living. I know I'll make nowhere near my current salary but I'll be with my baby, so surely that makes up for the loss of money? Would this be an insane decision?? I do feel like I'm basing this more on emotions than logic. So happy to be told it's insane...

It seems like the sensible compromise is to reduce hours in my current job. I plan to submit a request to my manager for reduced hours (4 days a week). Hopefully he will consider this! I think my workload could be managed on 4 days a week if I was sensible with planning etc.

I can't understand why ANY employee would suggest doing the same work they are being paid £50K for, for £40K. I mean, why would anyone suggest that to their employers. Bizarre.

If you are proposing dropping to 4 days, then your work would also drop by 1/5th, in line with your pay and the number of hours you work.

@Kite22

I only say that because I'm aware of colleagues who have had applications for reduced hours declined on the basis that their role couldn't be fulfilled on a part time basis. I don't want that to happen to me.

I wouldn't expect any role to be "fulfilled on a part time basis" unless you are currently underemployed.
I would expect some of your role to be done by another person. Obviously, without knowing what your job is, that might be looking at various part of your role being done by someone else (say more of an administrative role) or if your role is client based or project based or caseload based, then another person being paid to do the 1/5 of that caseload you are no longer being paid to do.

I think honestly, you have to look at the long term here. As many have pointed out in the thread, what does life look like in 3, 5, 10 years from now.

Your baby is only 9 months old. I don’t mean this condescendingly but you have not experienced the banality of life every single day with very young children. For some, every single day is joyous. For others, it’s hell on earth. For a large portion of parents, it’s fine most days but there’s a sense of every day being the same - park, toddler group, lunch, activities at home. Day in, day out of the same is hard. It’s not terrible but it can get to you.

Add in other people’s children - you’ve no idea if you even like being around children. You can objectively like lots of children, but being with them all day, every day, is not the same as imagining an idyllic scene of toddlers gambolling across a park and splashing in puddles. There are lots of moments of joy; there are also lots of moment of low level boredom and frustration with dealing with the millionth problem or tantrum.

I have three and my youngest is 4. When I had my first, I felt very similar to you. I even came close to doing it and arranging to look after the child of a woman in my NCT class. We both had visions of idyllic days spent with me looking after her daughter whilst she went back to work. It would have been a terrible idea. I found the drudgery of days with my own toddler not always easy to deal with. I made a lot of mum friends who kept me sane because I was bored and frustrated but loved being my children. I did actually end up quitting my corporate role but kept my hand in by freelancing, because I was terrified of becoming unemployable. Now my youngest has been through pre school and is now in Reception, I have a very highly paying, highly rewarding role in my career again.

I’m not saying everyone finds the long days with children hard. Some wonderful people love each and every day. I adore my children and day to day it was ok but long term, I struggled. Emotionally and mentally. I am not saying you will struggle or won’t - the point is, you don’t know. Life with toddlers and young children is hard work. You’ve no idea if you even LIKE being around young children. You wanted to be a teacher but again - you’ve not experienced it to know what it’s like.

I would probably wait until your own child is coming up to 2 years before making a decision like this, just so you have some experience of life with young children. Then make the decision because of what you WANT, not what you don’t want.

Things will settle, OP. I felt the same way as you and at first; I was coming up with all sorts of ideas to try and jack in my job, but none of those things were passions and would have been disastrous in the long term. It takes a while to get used to being apart, but I'm so glad I toughed it out.

@Kite22

I wouldn't expect any role to be "fulfilled on a part time basis" unless you are currently underemployed. I would expect some of your role to be done by another person. Obviously, without knowing what your job is, that might be looking at various part of your role being done by someone else (say more of an administrative role) or if your role is client based or project based or caseload based, then another person being paid to do the 1/5 of that caseload you are no longer being paid to do.

The PP didn’t say that she was planning to propose a reduction in pay; some flexible working requests do not necessarily go hand in hand with less money, for example if the 4 days are each longer than the current workdays in a 5 day week and/or as the op said, her employer can still measure her output and agrees it is the same. An employer who is getting the same work from the employee might well agree to this.

@nokidshere

And the 1-2 days away from your baby will be good for them in terms of healthy separation - otherwise you will be building a rod for your own back because when your child gets to 4 and has to be prised away from due to severe anxiety at having to attend nursery/school alone, that will be even more heart breaking…

What an absolute load of tosh

I'd love to see evidence for this?

I too think it's hormones talking. You would be very foolish, for a good salary in a job you like.

But I can say this because I never felt like you do. To me it often feels like some mumsnetters are obsessed with their children, infatuated with their children, in love with their children, live vicariously through their children. I never felt that way at all. I do love my children, they're older now and I loved them when they were babies, but I worked part time throughout, was happy that someone was looking after them doing mud play and Play-Doh etc, and I enjoyed my part-time job and the part-time times that I was at home with the children. and then they went to school. and then I took on a few more hours and now they're finishing school and I'm working a bit more and although I've enjoyed my children a lot I have never quite felt the way that many mumsnetters seem to.

But I can say this because I never felt like you do. To me it often feels like some mumsnetters are obsessed with their children, infatuated with their children, in love with their children, live vicariously through their children.

I'm not "infatuated" or "obsessed" with my baby. I have a normal amount of love for her as a mother. I just find the separation from her at such a young age harder than some mums might, that's all. I don't think that's as unhealthy as you are making it sound.

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

I think honestly, you have to look at the long term here. As many have pointed out in the thread, what does life look like in 3, 5, 10 years from now.

Your baby is only 9 months old. I don’t mean this condescendingly but you have not experienced the banality of life every single day with very young children. For some, every single day is joyous. For others, it’s hell on earth. For a large portion of parents, it’s fine most days but there’s a sense of every day being the same - park, toddler group, lunch, activities at home. Day in, day out of the same is hard. It’s not terrible but it can get to you.

Add in other people’s children - you’ve no idea if you even like being around children. You can objectively like lots of children, but being with them all day, every day, is not the same as imagining an idyllic scene of toddlers gambolling across a park and splashing in puddles. There are lots of moments of joy; there are also lots of moment of low level boredom and frustration with dealing with the millionth problem or tantrum.

I have three and my youngest is 4. When I had my first, I felt very similar to you. I even came close to doing it and arranging to look after the child of a woman in my NCT class. We both had visions of idyllic days spent with me looking after her daughter whilst she went back to work. It would have been a terrible idea. I found the drudgery of days with my own toddler not always easy to deal with. I made a lot of mum friends who kept me sane because I was bored and frustrated but loved being my children. I did actually end up quitting my corporate role but kept my hand in by freelancing, because I was terrified of becoming unemployable. Now my youngest has been through pre school and is now in Reception, I have a very highly paying, highly rewarding role in my career again.

I’m not saying everyone finds the long days with children hard. Some wonderful people love each and every day. I adore my children and day to day it was ok but long term, I struggled. Emotionally and mentally. I am not saying you will struggle or won’t - the point is, you don’t know. Life with toddlers and young children is hard work. You’ve no idea if you even LIKE being around young children. You wanted to be a teacher but again - you’ve not experienced it to know what it’s like.

I would probably wait until your own child is coming up to 2 years before making a decision like this, just so you have some experience of life with young children. Then make the decision because of what you WANT, not what you don’t want.

This is a really helpful response with lots of food for thought, thank you.

I did exactly this. I was at high level in marketing, I never went back after maternity leave and became a childminder.

I am now 14 years in. My children have grown up with the other children, I was very choosy about the parents I took on, no one has ever taken the piss and I'm still friends with most of them.

I am full 5 days a week and have a waiting list for the next 18 months. The last 4 years my tax return has been around £48,000.

For me it's been an incredible way to make money and be with my kids as they grow up.

However, mine are now teenagers, I am starting to resent still having toys/high chairs/ travel cots etc about. The biggest thing though is that I am thoroughly trapped as I have been out of the office so long that I can't get back in at the level I was on - therefore I can't get my current salary anywhere else and I'm not ready to earn less. And don't like the thought of answering to a boss when I've been accountable only to myself for so long.

So swings and roundabouts and worth looking at the long game.

@Oblomov22

I too think it's hormones talking. You would be very foolish, for a good salary in a job you like.

But I can say this because I never felt like you do. To me it often feels like some mumsnetters are obsessed with their children, infatuated with their children, in love with their children, live vicariously through their children. I never felt that way at all. I do love my children, they're older now and I loved them when they were babies, but I worked part time throughout, was happy that someone was looking after them doing mud play and Play-Doh etc, and I enjoyed my part-time job and the part-time times that I was at home with the children. and then they went to school. and then I took on a few more hours and now they're finishing school and I'm working a bit more and although I've enjoyed my children a lot I have never quite felt the way that many mumsnetters seem to.

How long should we say it's hormones?! 9 months seems a stretch if we are talking post partum?

I thought about this too, OP, as my priorities totally changed after I had kids and I'd love to have just been at home with them when they were little.

The best thing would be to try to find another job which enables you to spend more time with them. After I had two kids and went back from mat leave the second time, I threw myself into work but after a year, was totally burned out and pretty much had a nervous breakdown. Ended up working for myself for two or three years doing something totally different to my previous job then eventually got back into my previous career but in a different way.

Being a childminder may not be the answer but have a look into it and the pros and cons. I know several childminders locally who made a success of it and did it for many years. It isn't wrong to evaluate your job, career and priorities though. Women are expected to just drop children off at nursery and get on with things, and many cannot just carry on with work as if nothing had happened!

Wait. Are you making roughly 4 grand a month? Wow. That's a lot of money.... can you at least go part time?

Can your partner reduce his hours to stay with the baby? That would reduce the time she is at nursery and would cheaper until you decide what you'll like to do.

@secular39 Yes but I do have to set aside some for tax. Could go part time and probably drop a couple of days once the current children go off to school.

Also I only take up to school age and i'm in London which makes a difference.

@secular39

Wait. Are you making roughly 4 grand a month? Wow. That's a lot of money.... can you at least go part time?

😂 I wish! Nowhere near this after deductions unfortunately!

Being a childminder is hard work for not much money and you'll feel guilty for having to divide your attention. Try to go part time instead then you can get some time to recharge away from your kid and pay them full attention when you get home, while still earning decent money

@secular39

I think you might be referring to the gross monthly amount. After deductions for tax, NI and pension, it's closer to £2,800.

Can you reduce your hours down OP or take a lower position and go part time?

I mean the salary difference would be vast for a start!

I think posters are telling you not to do it because looking after your own child is far different to doing so whilst becoming a CM... what happens if you want baby no2?

@BlueJag

Can your partner reduce his hours to stay with the baby? That would reduce the time she is at nursery and would cheaper until you decide what you'll like to do.

We are looking into this as well. A combination of reduced hours where both of us work 4 day weeks but have different days off. That way we get a full day of quality time with her each. I think this is a sensible way forward.

@careerchangemaybe. I hope your boss agrees to your reduced hours.but if in reality this means same job just less time to achieve it, that needs to be reflected in your salary, not 80% pay for 100% of your job!

Could you look to switch employers? Look for a job that's advertised as part time or do some freelance work?

You don't want to be a childminder, you want to be with your daughter. It's not the same thing, but I won't go over that again as there are a million posts already on that!

I totally understand how you feel about not wanting to work to pay someone else to look after your Dd. But childminding isn't the solution. Part time/freelancing/a year off, look at those types of options.

Also look at freeing up your home time, cleaner is the obvious one, but also not agreeing to do things you don't want to do, focus on what you want to do with your DD

We both did this. I worked three days a week, he worked 2 long days so we had the babies covered between us (we have 3). Worked really well but I also worked from home during that time so was always about.

Cost a lot in reduced earnings but was definitely worth it and we made it through with a few debts we are addressing now.

I did similar to this gave up a very well paid job to retrain as a primary teacher as I wanted to watch my babies grow up. It worked really well for us, but my husband was always the main breadwinner. Now, as mine are in secondary school I am beginning to have major regrets - I never really wanted to be a teacher and whilst I am good at it, I find it boring and unfulfilling and long to be back in my well paid, well respected office job, but I have to take a few steps back again to get there and not sure if I fancy starting again in mid forties. Being a woman with ambition who also wants to be a good mum is shit…

Being a woman with ambition who also wants to be a good mum is shit…

Agreed. It's so tough trying to find the balance.