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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To quit a 50k a year job to retrain as a childminder?

241 replies

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 00:04

Just that really. I've recently returned to my job from maternity leave and I'm just hating the time apart from my DC, who is only 9 months. It's inspired me to consider a change of career to enable me to look after my child myself whilst earning a living. I know I'll make nowhere near my current salary but I'll be with my baby, so surely that makes up for the loss of money? Would this be an insane decision?? I do feel like I'm basing this more on emotions than logic. So happy to be told it's insane...

OP posts:
Elasmotherium · 29/01/2022 13:49

OK you totally lost me now you assume you are more maternal than other mothers who want to continue to go out to work...

Not sure being judgemental of working mothers is a great characteristic for a childminder given that your business and income depends upon those women you despise....

AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 14:15

I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am.

Can't roll my eyes hard enough at this.

What leads you to believe that? Do you believe those that planned better, arre more maternal than you?

So your partner doesn't want you to do this, you would have to move to a smaller home which would make being a CM more challenging, would struggle to afford a bigger car etc You would struggle if your oartner point blanks refuses to move etc.

Seems like a non starter.

runningoutofnewnames · 29/01/2022 14:20

Just to reassure you, I never came across the attitudes here of not trusting someone with their own kids. I was always full with a steady stream of enquiries. I think having my own kids worked in my favour, the other kids loved them and I absolutely got how tough it was being a working mum and felt a real sense of teamwork between our families.

I sent my DS to a childminder who was looking after her DS too. I chose her because she seemed (and did turn out to be) wonderful, whether the other DC were related to her or not was immaterial.

A good CM will have no problem finding clients if you're in a well populated area.

runningoutofnewnames · 29/01/2022 14:23

@Elasmotherium

OK you totally lost me now you assume you are more maternal than other mothers who want to continue to go out to work...

Not sure being judgemental of working mothers is a great characteristic for a childminder given that your business and income depends upon those women you despise....

But she didn't say that, did she?

The OP wasn't talking about ALL mothers who go to work.

She was specifically addressing those on this thread who were judging her. e.g. called her "wet" for wanting to be with her child.

Please don't twist what the OP says to make it an OP bashing thread. It's very boring.

MrsTrumpton · 29/01/2022 14:24

I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am.

Seriously?! What a horrible comment. Not spending every second she's at work longing for her baby doesn't mean a woman's not 'strongly maternal', whatever the crap that means. It means she's probably busy doing the job she has to do to earn money to keep a roof over her baby's head.

Lost all sympathy for you now, OP.

camperqueen54 · 29/01/2022 14:35

I did that. Wouldn't do it again. It's more hassle than you think due to OFSTED and certainly impacts your own family.

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:36

@runningoutofnewnames
Thank you for understanding my comment!

For clarity - I can only assume that anyone calling a mother "wet" and "ridiculous" for missing and yearning for their baby at work, is not as maternal as that person who has those feelings. I don't think that's a nasty comment in the slightest. I do however think "wet" and "ridiculous" are nasty.

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:38

@MrsTrumpton

I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am.

Seriously?! What a horrible comment. Not spending every second she's at work longing for her baby doesn't mean a woman's not 'strongly maternal', whatever the crap that means. It means she's probably busy doing the job she has to do to earn money to keep a roof over her baby's head.

Lost all sympathy for you now, OP.

Except that's very clearly not what I said and you have basically invented your own version of events and got mad at your own fictional comment. 🤔

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:39

@Elasmotherium

OK you totally lost me now you assume you are more maternal than other mothers who want to continue to go out to work...

Not sure being judgemental of working mothers is a great characteristic for a childminder given that your business and income depends upon those women you despise....

another one with reading comprehension difficulties.

Again, for clarity - I did not say this!

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:42

For those with comprehension difficulties are getting annoyed at their own fictional version of what I said (bizarre...). Here is what I actually said:

I can only assume that anyone calling a mother "wet" and "ridiculous" for missing and yearning for their baby at work (comments that have been made towards me on this thread), is not as maternal as the person who has those feelings in the first place, hence their need to attack that person with unpleasant and unempathic comments.

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:44

Thank you to those who have given helpful advice! It's been very helpful. To those who have turned up recently to invent a fictional version of my words and get annoyed at their own invention..... please read more carefully in future before commenting. Thanks.

OP posts:
MissVictoriaPlum · 29/01/2022 14:53

I've chosen to ignore a couple of previous posters who used terms like "ridiculous" or "a bit wet" to describe my yearning for my baby when I'm at work. I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am.

Sorry op but you did say this in the last sentence of one of your posts. This is why people are getting upset with you.
You are right, however, not to want people to call you wet.

nokidshere · 29/01/2022 14:56

I've been a childcare professional for over 40yrs, and childminding for the last 23 of them. There are a lot of myths regarding childminding, including plenty on this thread!

It's the same as any other self employment in terms of paperwork, inspections, out of hours training, cpd, H&S, policies and planning. And you have to evidence that you follow eyfs, and the national curriculum to a slightly lesser extent. The only difference is that you can have your own child with you.

Childminding isn't only about your child, or even the other children. It's about facilitating and supporting parents to walk away from your home and working efficiently knowing that their child is safe and happy.

My two boys didn't suffer as a result of me working at home, the mindees didn't suffer as a result of my two boys being there. It's a fabulous life if you love children and go into it with the right expectations. It's knackering, messy, and noisy. You need to be organised and calm. You need to be assertive and able to keep business and friendships separate. And you need A LOT of storage! As my two got older they weren't required to mix with mindees if they didn't want to but the house rules are for everyone no matter who their parent is.

I have looked after over 80 children. Some of them transient between nursery and schools but the majority of them from nursery and reception to secondary age. The child I have now is my last before retirement and he's been here since 1yr old, he's now 11. I have been minding for his family for over 15yrs. I am still close friends with many parents, and the children I have minded come back regularly to visit, some of them now at university. The very first child I had is now 26 and has just bought his own home, he considers me his second mum and we love him to bits. My boys and some mindees are friends for life.

When all is said and done it's a business and you have to approach it as such. Everything else is a bonus. Working with children is not for everyone. I have made a perfectly good living from childminding (albeit nowhere near 50k although I never earned that anyway).

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 14:59

@MissVictoriaPlum

I've chosen to ignore a couple of previous posters who used terms like "ridiculous" or "a bit wet" to describe my yearning for my baby when I'm at work. I can only assume those posters are not strongly maternal like I am.

Sorry op but you did say this in the last sentence of one of your posts. This is why people are getting upset with you.
You are right, however, not to want people to call you wet.

Yes I did say this! Which is absolutely NOT the same as saying people who choose to stay home and not work are not as maternal as I am - which is what I'm being accused of!

Why can't you see the difference?

If someone calls a mother yearning for her baby "wet" and "ridiculous" - I think it's an entirely reasonable assumption that they are less maternal than I am! I would never say such a thing - I would have empathy and understanding for that mother because I have strong maternal feelings so I get it.

Surely that's logical? Makes perfect sense to me anyway. No need for anyone to "be upset" with me. They should be upset with the posters who rocked up just to name call and be unpleasant.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 29/01/2022 15:01

And the 1-2 days away from your baby will be good for them in terms of healthy separation - otherwise you will be building a rod for your own back because when your child gets to 4 and has to be prised away from due to severe anxiety at having to attend nursery/school alone, that will be even more heart breaking…

What an absolute load of tosh

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 15:02

And by the way - there's nothing wrong with having less strong maternal feelings than I have, either! I'm not making a value judgement about that person. I'm simply saying their values must differ to mine, because "wet" is not a phrase I would ever use towards a mother missing her baby after returning from maternity leave.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with feeling less maternal, did I. Each to their own.

OP posts:
MissVictoriaPlum · 29/01/2022 15:03

It's not a reasonable assumption though. That's why. It's a totally unreasonable one.

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 15:04

@MissVictoriaPlum

It's not a reasonable assumption though. That's why. It's a totally unreasonable one.

Ok well we can agree to disagree on that.

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 15:04

Back to the point of the thread, please ....

OP posts:
nokidshere · 29/01/2022 15:09

Me too. I went to see a CM, on time and their child came in and said my child was touching their ps4, to which the mum replied, "ok, put it away". I realised in their home my child would be a second class citizen.

Another ridiculous comment from a short one off observation! My own children had toys they didn't want to share in their rooms, minded children were not allowed in my sons bedrooms. Anything they left out was for use by everyone. No-one was 'second class' because some toys weren't available to them.

Ugzbugz · 29/01/2022 15:24

I definitely wouldn't. I hated leaving my DS when he was 1 and i went back although did go 3 days a week but in 2 years she will be in school nursery. I'm so glad i went back as still have my job, pension, sick pay, paid holidays etc and back full time. It's unbearable leaving a baby but toddlers are hard work, it's brutal and it's nice to have a break, have adult company etc.

Also do you love playing in the park and being outside etc? My child like many others never liked arts and crafts and needs physical stuff more.

Alot goes into childminding and you may have to adapt to their nursery drop offs, school drop offs, nappies, naps feeds and you can onl have a certain amount of children at one point so worth checking earning potential etc. I honestly wouldn't or give it at least 4 to 6 months in your job before deciding.

WonderfulYou · 29/01/2022 15:27

I’ve read a few threads started by step parents who said they found their step children very difficult to be around once they’ve had their own child.

I’m not saying this would happen for you but it’s worth taking into consideration - you’re not going to have the same relationship as you would if you were on maternity leave as you’ll have other children to care for. These children would also be in your child’s home, playing with their toys and mummy.
Some of these children might be quite difficult and break toys etc.

Is your current role something that you could get back into if you tried childminding and didn’t like it?

ladygindiva · 29/01/2022 15:44

You're talking about taking I'm guessing about a 50 % pay cut. Let me come at it from the opposite angle, our household income has doubled from 25k to 50k and the difference in our standard of living and stress levels is massive. Can you manage that huge change in a negative direction ?

careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 15:48

Is your current role something that you could get back into if you tried childminding and didn’t like it?

Not without extra study and CPD. I'd be quite out of the loop. I've struggled to get myself up to speed since my return from mat leave and that was only a 10 month break. It would be tricky I think.

OP posts:
careerchangemaybe · 29/01/2022 15:50

My request for reduced hours to 4 days has been sent to my manager now so 🤞🏻🤞🏻 he's in a good mood on Monday morning when he reads it 😆

OP posts: