Aibu to think

[namechangemango]

that this is not an appropriate use of my niece's DLA money?

My niece (16) is diagnosed autistic and has an emotional support dog. She gets DLA. She has told me that her dog had to go to the vet and my niece has billed her for it. It turns out my sister has had my niece pay for the cost of the purchase of the dog and all her toys and equiptment like her crate etc out of her under 18's trust fund, which has completely depeleted the balance and there are no plans for it to be replaced. My sister justified it to my niece that she needed the dog so it was an appropriate use of the money, Now I've read that under 18's aren't legally responsible for dogs.

Niece is also being charged for essential toiletries like face wash and clothes/shoes when they (genuinely) need replaced, travel etc. There has been words that there is going to be discussion of niece paying for her share of every other essential expense including food, and non essentials.

Her DLA amounts to a bit over 3k a year, she can't get a job at the moment due to continuing education. Sister doesn't earn much money herself.

I feel I should report this but sister would know it was me and I'm estranged from most other family (on my side) as they are toxic. Without getting into details she's been supporting me with personal issues

@Hankunamatata

Have you actually talked to your sister?

Perhaps she is trying to build dc life skills, perhaps she is trying to teach her budgeting, perhaps she is trying to stop her blowing all her money on crap!

⬆️ This

"I feel I should report this but sister would know it was me and I'm estranged from most other family (on my side) as they are toxic. Without getting into details she's been supporting me with personal issues"

You are thinking of reporting their own sister, who has been supporting them, for fraud without even speaking to her first - do you genuinely, really think people would think that was reasonable?

It makes you sound like a very unpleasant person, not just unreasonable.

your own sister. Typo.

@namechangemango

Her autism doesn't affect her in a way that means she goes through clothes/shoes any faster than a non-atypical person, she is vegetarian because she doesn't like what happens to the animals, her diet isnt restricted as a result of her autism

Why does she get DLA if her autism isn't incurring extra costs? I think you are missing something here tbh.

I was under the impression that DLA monies were for anything that might help the child.
This would include a parent being able to remain accessible and not work full time. So this could mean money towards bills if it meant the caring parent couldn't work.
Carers allowance is a pittance so I can understand if DLA is used creatively because the parent is unable to work due to extra hours caring for an autistic daughter.

DLA doesn't have to be spent directly on the daughter, but it does have to be directed towards the extra needs of the child.

A parent at home could very well be an extra need. Usually you'd be able to leave a child in wrap around care and finish work normally. You can't do this easily with an autistic child. It also many not be in the child's best interests.

I don't think the spending of DLA is quite as simplistic as some seem to think. It's not all about enrichment and days out!

It's to make things easier for the family and if that means absorbed into the household so a parent is there, to do the more than average caring then do be it.

When people come out with assumptions and outrage at how DLA is spent I just think "aren't you fucking lucky you don't have first hand experience'. Im pretty sure there are many parents out there who would give up that few hundred quid a month if their children were able to do the expected timeline into adulthood. Gets right on my tit ends it does.

So your niece has told you that all the household bills are going to be divided into thirds and she will be responsible for paying her third. Your niece is worried she won't have enough money in her dla to afford this?

If this is the case then I hope it's a misunderstanding on your nieces part. But she sounds worried. It might be a good idea to speak to your sister and clarify what she means. Hopefully this reassures your niece.

You don't get dla just because your disability costs you money. The money is to help make life easier, better, more enjoyable, more bearable, as well as a host of other things.

I think you're jumping the gun, this conversation about money hasn't happened yet and your niece has only reported to you what she thinks it's going to be about. Your sister might just be trying to explain how much things in general cost and be expecting some contribution from your niece to teach her about money and possibly because the household needs the money.

Bear in mind your niece was awarded this money due to her ASD, and she may not pick up on certain nuances of communication. Maybe tell your sister that your niece is upset but don't wade in assuming you know exactly what's going on as you may not have all the facts.