Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take bra off in front of new boyfriend

68 replies

RosieDRosie1 · 25/01/2022 23:43

Hi all
I've been seeing a guy and it's going really well. I will be staying at his place next weekend and I imagine we will end up having sex. I'm a single mum and this is my first relationship since having DC (7 and 4yo). I like to think I'm in good shape, a size 10/12 and have a nice figure. However, I have really large breasts (F cup) and I breastfed both of my kids until they were 2. I see my boobs as big and saggy and I'm so self conscious about them. :-( New man is lovely and would never say anything, but I am paranoid it might put him off me. Any tips to increase my confidence? Thanks everyone.
Rosie

OP posts:
VioletLemon · 25/01/2022 23:55

I honestly feel men just don't look at our bodies the way we do. He is probably delighted to be spending intimate time with you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, wear nice perfume and whatever clothes make you feel good. Please don't take things further because you feel It's expected. Only if it feels right and you trust and like him.

goodwinter · 25/01/2022 23:57

@VioletLemon

I honestly feel men just don't look at our bodies the way we do. He is probably delighted to be spending intimate time with you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, wear nice perfume and whatever clothes make you feel good. Please don't take things further because you feel It's expected. Only if it feels right and you trust and like him.
I agree. Obviously it's your body and your choice, but personally I don't think I could start a relationship with someone who felt they had to physically hide parts of themselves from me.
honeyytoast · 26/01/2022 00:19

I also really don’t feel like men care about sagging. If anything he’ll be thinking “yay big boobs”. And if he does mind, he’s narrowing down his choice of women by a LOT and he isn’t a catch

Blinkinname · 26/01/2022 00:24

Put him off! Big lol op. I have saggy boobs and saggy skin and no man ever has said 'actually no thanks you're alright' when I've got naked. He will love it. Relax!

AuntTwacky · 26/01/2022 00:36

I bet he will love them!

j712adrian · 26/01/2022 00:54

concentrate on the emotional part

IdblowJonSnow · 26/01/2022 00:56

Talk to him about it? Or wear a sexy bra and say you prefer to keep it on?

MopaniTree · 26/01/2022 00:59

If he is worth any of your time then he will be happy to be close and intimate with you, and your normal healthy female body which I'm sure he will love.

Fairyliz · 26/01/2022 10:06

Tbh if he’s like most men I have ever met he will be thinking yippee I can get my hands on those babies.
Even the most sophisticated of men go a bit childish when confronted by big breasts.

MorningStarling · 26/01/2022 10:41

Honestly, as long you're naked, men won't care what you look like.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/01/2022 10:44

My body is far from perfect, but I have literally never taken my bra off and had a man be anything but delighted at the chance to see my boobs.

Soopermum1 · 26/01/2022 10:48

I have massive boobs, not in great condition either but DP has always thought they were great. His previous DP hardly had any and he was happy with that as well. If he's a keeper he'll find all of you sexy, so show all of you. You'll be fine.

LittleGwyneth · 26/01/2022 11:32

If you're really worried about it then wear a basque type thing under your clothes which is complicated to get off and nice to look at, and then there won't be any issue with leaving it on. But that's not a forever solution, and I'm sure your boobs are perfectly nice.

suzyscat · 26/01/2022 11:40

YANBU body insecurity is very common, however it's not sustainable to hide your body and if it were to put him off (and I think that's highly unlikely) you'd be better off finding out early before getting even more attached.

The likelihood is he'll be really excited to see your boobs, yay for boobs. No one is scrutinising your body more than you, especially not heterosexual men and boobs.

Catflapkitkat · 26/01/2022 11:42

All what everybody has said up thread but on basic practical level - lying down, front fastening bra, let them explode out. Like a surprise present

Santahasjoinedww · 26/01/2022 11:43

Op he should be the one bricking it!! Who would say a scrotum is a thing of beauty??
I bet your boobs are more than fine!

ChampagneLassie · 26/01/2022 11:49

Bless you, I think everyone men and women have hang-ups and feel self-conscious. But as many others have said I bet he will be thinking "wow" and loving it. I don't think you should tell him your hang-ups. I've heard this advice numerous times. Think about it like a sales pitch - if someone was selling a car they'd point out all the goods stuff - if they pointed out the small dents and scratch's that's what you'd focus on. What you really need is for him to give you compliments to give you more confidence. Unfortunately not all men are naturally good at this. But you message him and say something like "you'll be my first time in X years - I'm a little nervous about getting naked with someone, I'd love you to tell me what you like about my body" or if that feels too direct flirty messaging, tell him you'll wear nice underwear, that he can't want to see it. And compliments work both ways - he may also be nervous - tell him what you like about his body and he is bound to reciprocate. Good luck! I'm sure it will be fine xx

Couchbettato · 26/01/2022 11:53

If he will shirk at your body, the way it is, then he's obviously not the man for you is he?

One thing I've learnt over the years as my body has changed is, men are literally attracted to anything.

Some men like small bums, some men like big bums, some men like natural boobs some men like fake boobs, some men don't know what they'll like until they try it.

Have the confidence to be yourself, and love yourself and then the truth will out.

But I bet he'll love you all the same.

Crazykatie · 26/01/2022 11:59

He can see you have big boobs and can’t wait to get his hands on them, relax be the sexy partner he wants and he will adore you.

Agrudge · 26/01/2022 12:05

He will probably be thinking more about the bits of himself you might not like.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 26/01/2022 12:12

Hopefully he's on Reditt right now feeling the fear of what you will think of his saggy ballsack or whether his endurance will disapoint!
Go for it OP, it might just be amazing.

Bigoakbeam · 26/01/2022 12:17

If it were me i would say something like, "I am completely shitting myself about taking my clothes off!" and laugh at the same time.

Im not body confident and HATE being naked in a bright light. When DH and i have sex i leave the en-suite light on and the door ajar so its a dull light in the room.

But honestly i bet he won't even notice.

Wotsitsits · 26/01/2022 12:18

You might not want him touching your boobs?

I bf 2 babies and have zero interest in my boobs being involved in sex ever again. I can just about stomach DH having a quick look but usually keep a t shirt on during sex and he is definitely not allowed to touch.

My body, my choice. The important thing is DH respects me enough to have a frank discussion and not be a rapey bastard about it

FreyaMaya · 26/01/2022 12:24

OP I'd swap my breasts with you in a heartbeat! I have double AA cup and feel like a man. I actually look masculine when I lay down. Literally no boobs at all. He will be grateful for your puppies trust me!! Have a great evening and honestly please don't worry

Electriq · 26/01/2022 12:25

Go with the flow, you may change your mind in the moment, but if not, you can absolutely not take it off and just tell him your not comfortable with that yet.

If he can't respect that, then you had a lucky escape, but I imagine he will be fine, most men don't see us how we see us.