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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect FIL not to eat until everyone is at least sitting at the table??

31 replies

lovecamping · 28/12/2007 22:06

so our xmas lunch which was about 1 hour late. we'd just put most of the things on the table, FIL was the only one sitting down, but he started filling his plate. then started eating it, whilst everyone else was getting little ones organised, making sure we had everything we needed at the table etc.

AIBU to think he should have waited and think this is rude and he no manners??

he was pretty gutted though when we remembered the mint sauce and he'd already finished his lamb

he does this all the time and i think its just the rudest thing.

OP posts:
Posey · 28/12/2007 22:09

YANBU at all. Very rude IMO

pania · 28/12/2007 22:10

YANBU, that's totally rude. You'd think he could have at least restrained himself for a special family meal!

Glad he missed out on the mint sauce - serves him right.

revgreen · 28/12/2007 22:12

My FIL did the exact smae thing. He also sat in a room on his own the rest of the day watching tv. He is very rude but also very shy and has had a hard life. I am glad that I am around to make sure my dcs are taught how to behave. Maybe you could just ask him not to do it 'because we are trying to teach the dcs how to behave properly' but I suspect it will be a loosing battle. yanbu btw.

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 22:15

YANBU

Rude old codger.

Tip: put the food out before the plates.

2shoes · 28/12/2007 22:34

depends how old he is

Original poster
lovecamping · 28/12/2007 22:37

fil in his early 70s. my father is older and he has never done this, in fact he is usually the last to eat and always waits for everyone.

OP posts:
glastocat · 28/12/2007 22:39

YANBU. But sadly some people have no manners.

2shoes · 28/12/2007 22:39

well Lc i would let him off. when they get to a certain age food becoames mega important and has to be eaten at a certain time.

Original poster
lovecamping · 28/12/2007 22:41

but he does it at every meal!

OP posts:
2shoes · 28/12/2007 22:43

it all goes back to the war/rationing.......
no idea why but my df and mil are the same they act as if you are starving them if you don't feed them really quickly.

Nightynight · 28/12/2007 22:49

I am currently trying to train ds2 not to do this.

Food appears, he digs into it like a starving wolf, oblivous to the fact that the table still needs laying.

Nightynight · 28/12/2007 22:50

he is only 8 though, so hopefully will not be a mannerles FIL

sazzybeehomeforxmas · 28/12/2007 22:52

My parents are in their 70s and would never do this. Manners innit? He's rude. I'd leave out loads of good stuff next time - the potatoes and gravy, as well as the mint sauce - that'll learn him

Heated · 28/12/2007 22:56

My FIL too. Has always been like this but since he's been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes his stomach is the only clock in the house.

But this disregard for others extends to other walks of life too. The first time we stayed for Xmas, we had to wait our turn for the bathroom & get the children ready so were the last coming downstairs in the morning, only to discover FIL and his sister had already opened all their presents, they couldn't wait.

I was astonished but far too well mannered to comment

cornsilk · 28/12/2007 22:59

You can't teach an old dog new tricks (no offence meant to your FIL there!)Is he an okay FIL apart from that?

madamez · 28/12/2007 23:01

In some families it's perfectly acceptable to eat when the food appears rather than waiting for everyone else to be served - it's more of a family-lifestyles clash than a deliberate attempt to wind you up and it's fairly common among older people (my GPs were always keen to fill their faces).
Mind you, to some people it's equally rude and unreasonable to have to sit and wait while some of the dinner guests fanny around indefinitely about who'se going to sit where and and after-you-no-after-you while the food's going cold...

islandofsodor · 28/12/2007 23:07

I have to admit that it was only when I started going out for meals with an NCTgroup that I found out that you are supposed to wait until everyone has been served before starting.

In my family it would not occur to anyone to wait until I settle the children. Me, dh and my mum were putting the stuff out and everyone was digging in as it appeared.

It's not deliberate rudeness just different people doing things different ways.

islandofsodor · 28/12/2007 23:09

I have since found out that it is the done thing to wait unless there are more than 7 people at a table!!!!!

Original poster
lovecamping · 28/12/2007 23:10

wish they were okay in-laws apart from that.... they drive me mad, dont play with the kids and expect to be waited upon hand and feet. it really drives me round the bend and it gets worse every time they visit.

dont hate them as such but hate their lack of consideration, thought for others and attitude to things. they are really old in mind & body if not in age.

i do try to grin & bear it but it drives me crazy how they come to visit, dont help out in anyway and still expect dinner at 7pm even though we have 3 kids to take care of...

xmas lunch was at MY house and even MIL had not sat down ....

sorry rant over ..

OP posts:
pania · 28/12/2007 23:16

Have they always been like this? What does DH think about it?

Original poster
lovecamping · 28/12/2007 23:20

they have always been like this. we had a better relationship a few years ago but since the kids, our wedding and one particularly bad visit about 18 months ago, my patience has been worn thin.

DH thankfully knows all this and he sees and knows their faults. he does try and keep the peace though but is on my side. but they are his parents and he's had a lifetime of ignoring their bad habits ...

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecamping · 28/12/2007 23:20

they have always been like this. we had a better relationship a few years ago but since the kids, our wedding and one particularly bad visit about 18 months ago, my patience has been worn thin.

DH thankfully knows all this and he sees and knows their faults. he does try and keep the peace though but is on my side. but they are his parents and he's had a lifetime of ignoring their bad habits ...

OP posts:
nooka · 28/12/2007 23:26

Was it a buffet sort of lunch? I expect everyone to come and sit down when the meal is ready, and then serve up, so it wouldn't be possible for someone to start without me. For big meals (usually at my parents) I expect to wait until I'm told not to stand on ceremony and get eating. Otherwise yes it is very rude (and not nice if you are the person waiting to be served when other people are tucking in). Also rude to make peole wait though (once the host has said the meal is ready).

Scramble · 28/12/2007 23:29

My FIL will wait happily but used to have a tendency to hoover up everyones left overs at the table and even start munching on the kids stuff while I am trying to persudes them to eat up. He has been warned and plates get tidied to the opposite end of the table .

KTNoo · 28/12/2007 23:54

YANBU.

But, you probably won't change him. Even if you confront him. My MIL does the same. Even though we always say grace before we eat! She sort of gets away with it now because she's old, but she's always been like that. She just does whatever she wants, in all aspects of life.