How do you control your teenagers diet??

[velvet24]

My 17 yr old wants Mc Donalds all the time, obv I say no (get take out about once a week to theyhave Mcd) but now dd has job she can buy whatever she wants & often randomly orders herself Mcd on UBer eats. She is overweight and even my ds is worried and says I have let her down as should be controlling it , he really upset me but maybe he is right?? She buys cakes and has them in her room & likes to eat pots of icing (admitdely I have let he buy these as stupidly keeping her happy).

I feel I have failed, thought I was a good mum but maybe not. Is it too late to change things?

It gets tricky after 15 or so. I’m not sure what you can do by 17 apart from not having stuff in the house. I do have a ‘nothing except water’ in the bedroom rule though. There’s a prevailing view on here never to mention weight if your child is overweight but I don’t agree. There is a balance between endlessly harping in, and never mentioning weight at all. I do think eating pots of icing is a concern though and wonder if it’s a sign of a more complex issue?

You can’t control her diet, it will he something she will need to realise for herself.

I would not buy take seats anymore or have “bad” food in the house. Buy berries and strawberries and bananas for everyone to snack on.

Take outs sorry.

You can’t control it at that age, especially if they have their own money. Just offer balanced meals at dinner time. Could you go down the exercise route? Anything you could enjoy together?

You probably can't "control" but you can try encouraging healthier eating eg get her involved with cooking, get a veg box subscription, cook colourful/fun healthy meals etc...you are probably doing these things already but I thought worth mentioning!

If she’s 17 you can’t control what she eats as she can always eat it out of the house.

Is she happy generally? Eating pots of icing etc sounds like comfort eating.

Unfortunately you can't really control it

They need to value themselves and their health and want to not eat shit for their own self, not because they're told too

If she is rapidly gaining weight I'd look into therapy to maybe see if there are other reasons behind no longer caring about her own health and appearance

You can't. You can only keep modelling good eating habits and hope that some of it sticks. But any "advice" or "suggestions " will not be appreciated.

You can't control at that age
Nagging isn't a great idea either
You have to go with soft power and nudges
My DD got a cookery book for Christmas and is really enjoying making all the recipes. Not all of them are very healthy but probably better than takeaway and it's giving her cooking skills.
I am willing to but weird ingredients and help her as I think it's worth encouraging
I also encourage walking the dog, active clubs and home workouts

Talk to her but not about her weight. I'm sure she's not really wanting to eat herself obese so there are probably underlying issues of unhappiness or stress and the eating is a symptom. But ultimately, no, you can't control what goes into her mouth and you shouldn't destroy your relationship with her trying to.

If she’s 17 and has her own money, you can’t realistically control what she eats.
So I’d focus on what you can control which is what you buy for the house. If she’s buying takeaway herself regularly, don’t also buy a weekly takeaway yourself.
I also agree with the comments about comfort eating and maybe looking into any reasons behind that.
Out of interest, how old is your son? Is your DD very overweight for him to have raised concerns? Is it a sudden weight gain?

I don't -- I tell him he shouldn't, why he shouldn't (binge on sweets) & try to encourage him towards healthier options.

You can't, is the simple answer. You can make sure there's healthy options in the house, but now she's working and earning her own money there's nothing you can do to stop her spending it on her own food choices.

You can’t control what she eats, but you can stop buying junk etc - it won’t stop her buying junk herself.

How is her mental health? Tubs of icing sounds like comfort eating.

She is 17 and has her own money so you can't control it. You can encourage the healthy eating by modelling it yourself at home but I wouldn't ay anything to her. My DM used to pass remarks on what I ate all the time and it led to a lifetime of overeating just to say 'fuck you'. Now I am 13 st and my DM is only 6 st.

Just tread carefully. At 16 my mother took me to Weight Watchers because I was overweight. I'd been a skinny kid, very fussy eater. By 16 I was scoffing pizza, crisps, chocolate. In contrast, My mother was an obsessive dieter who lived off Limits biscuits.

At Weight watchers, because I was fussy, I didn't like the meals and ended up eating toast instead. But I lost weight. I was 16 and had a new hobby, dieting, eating very little.
Then began years of yo-yo dieting and unhealthy choices.

Thanks, my ds has always been very athletic and never had a weight issue whereas dd started gaining weight around 8/9. I admit I have given in and bought treats and food but maybe its all my fault , have I ruined her now? I should have been stricter years ago.

Just to add, dd is already in therapy for anxiety issues anyway, and she herself just joined the gym, her own idea and got it all sorted, so she wants to do something.
I will buy healthier at home and limit the mcd's I offer to buy.

Thanks for not flaming me

@velvet24 no flaming here, navigating the teenage years - especially when they're working and on the verge of being young adults - is HARD!!

Or you could just not? This is how you end up with a eating disorder

It’s hard. Try not to beat yourself up, as parents of teenagers life is hard enough. Don’t buy crap for the house and if she makes a good choice sometimes then give it a positive response. Tell her how you are impressed by her motivation to go to the gym. You haven’t ruined her ❤️

You can't control what a 17 year old eats as she is earning her own money and buying it herself. All you can do is provide healthy food for the family at home, but she will still do as she wishes.

How old is your DS, who is being so critical of your parenting? He clearly has some sort of ideal scenario in mind, but doesn't seem to understand that his sister cannot be forced to fit in with it anymore.

He shouldn't be criticising you. He can maybe help encourage his sister towards healthier options, but he needs to be realistic about her autonomy to choose for herself and the chances of success. At present he is in cloud cuckoo land.

Any sort of controlling with food or body comments have the potential to lead to disordered eating with a teen. You need to be really careful, especially if she already has some MH issues.

Your Dd may have issues with weight, but your DS needs to wind his interfering neck in!

You can't control what she eats, or what she buys with her own money. You can however not buy unhealthy foods for her, make sure there are lots of healthy options available, and ban food from bedrooms. Your house, your rules. Of course that has to go for everyone in the house then.

Agree with others.

You cannot control what she eats. Especially as she can now access food with her own money.

What you can do is offer healthy meals, suggest going for walks, stop ordering take outs and stop buying unhealthy food. Or buy a limited amount and everyone has their own ration in a snack box.

My ds diet isn't great in that he eats lots of jam tarts and biscuits! However he's an athlete and trains 19 hours a week and is losing weight!

I'm also worried that he thinks he can sustain that type of diet all the time and put loads on during lockdown. I felt I'd failed him by not instilling healthy habits.

So I make sure I talk a lot about healthy choices and fuelling the body for what it's doing.