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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this cartoon is NOT appropriate for an 11-year-old!?

132 replies

CowboyJo · 23/01/2022 21:31

So my eldest daughter is 11 and has started high school a few months ago. She's always been quite 'nerdy' in terms of her interests and has made a small group of friends into the same kind of things (Roblox, Pokemon, manga and drawing)

They sound nice enough girls from what she tells me (though slightly pampered) but ever since she's started at that school, the amount of times I had to tell her off for swearing recently was disgraceful.

Anyway while monitoring my daughter's iPad found she was really into this particular cartoon she loved. I don't know if its called Hazzun Hotel or Helluva Boss because its under both names(?) but I'm sure it's the same show. It looks like a child's show on the surface but I closely watched some of the episodes and it was absolutely shocking: loads of casual effing and blinding, crude jokes(like sex and bdsm, prostitutes).

When I found this out I talked to my daughter about it and told her it wasn't an appropriate thing for someone her age to be watching, but she argued back like "But all my friends watch it! We're not babies anymore!" etc. etc.

I spoke to DH about it and he thinks I was over the top to ban her from watching the cartoon completely because she loves it, just as long as she doesn't repeat the behaviours. But I'm not happy with that.

I'm not stupid I know she wouldn't of picked up the swearing from that show alone, but it really isn't content I'm happy to let her watch. The show has NOT FOR KIDS in each video so DD knows she shouldn't be watching it.

But am I being unreasonable to forbid her completely from watching it?

OP posts:
Craftgirlx · 24/01/2022 00:00

I understand you feeling unhappy about the themes of the programme but I don’t think you ‘banning’ it is the best approach. I would have an open conversation with her about prostitution and BDSM, make sure she understands it and see if she has questions. She will know about it anyway from friends and school and unfortunately swearing will definitely already be part of her life! I wasn’t allowed to swear in the house at that age but did with my friends. My parents would let me watch programmes and encouraged open conversations. I still had rules to follow but being allowed somethings will stop your DD from hiding everything else from you too. If you are going to act this badly over a tv show, is she likely to come to you with a real problem like smoking/drugs/boys? It’s shocking what young ones are exposed to now but high school is a real eye opener and I think you should approach this cautiously so you don’t push her away and encourage her to keep things from you (for fear of you ‘banning’ them)..

ThirdElephant · 24/01/2022 00:04

@VioletPetals

Hazzun Hotel and Helluva Boss are two separate shows, they are not made for kids, like Rick and morty, or back in the day family guy and American dad, king of the hill, Ren and stimpy … you get the idea. They are cartoons for older teen/adults. I’m pretty sure the rating for them is 15.

Definitely not appropriate for a 12 year old.

Wait... Ren and Stimpy wasn't for kids?? That explains so much! I am sure it was on a kids TV channel when I was growing up though and I really found it disturbing.
GiftWrappingLikeItsXmasEve · 24/01/2022 00:07

With an 11 year old, you very much are still the parent. So if you think this is inappropriate, you tell her so, block access and carry on. You can ask her opinion, but if all she can plead her case with is “all my friends watch it” then that would be a definite no from me.

negomi90 · 24/01/2022 00:18

The risk of you banning things, especially things her friends are watching is that you cut off communication.
You can ban it, she can watch stuff with her friends on their phones at school. She can't talk to you about it if she's found something disturbing or interesting because she'll get in trouble for watching it.
She'll move on to the next thing and go to more effort to hide it from you so you can't ban it.
The thing you can't do is physically stop her watching it if she wants to (unless you keep her locked in the house at all times forever). I'd rather my kid didn't hide things, so I could watch the stuff I don't want them watching with them to talk to them about it. I'd rather not risk shutting down communication. I don't want my kid upset about something they've seen and not talking to me about, because of fear of getting in trouble for watching something they shouldn't. That would be my fear from banning it.

LemonSwan · 24/01/2022 00:22

I just skimmed through the Hasbin Hotel pilot. Yeah that really doesn't look appropriate at all!

I think I would rather an 11yo watch squid games than that tbh.

TooBigForMyBoots · 24/01/2022 00:27

YANBU @CowboyJo. However YAB Unrealistic if you think you can stop her watching inappropriate content.

I think you and her dad should take this opportunity to talk to her about what she sees on the internet. It will be a conversation that will continue throughout her teens.🤦‍♀️

JugglingJanuary · 24/01/2022 00:52

How exactly do you propose the 'ban' will work?

TheOriginalEmu · 24/01/2022 00:59

@Pedalpushers

I'm pretty lax about age restrictions because I wasn't brought up with any...watched Ren and Stimpy and South Park, watched Scream, Blair Witch, listened to Eminem etc in primary school and turned out fine. I think some children are able to handle material above their age group and some aren't.
I fully agree, my youngest watched game of thrones with me aged 9, my eldest couldn’t handle coraline at 14. Different people require different levels of things. I watched many things deemed not for children and the only enduring nightmare I had as a child was from a cartoon of dungeons and dragons.
TheOriginalEmu · 24/01/2022 01:03

@IzzyD0ra

They are different shows, but set in the same universe. I wouldn’t have an issue with it, and I think at 11 banning it makes it more exciting

You think it's ok for 11 year olds to be exposed to themes of prostitution and bdsm?

Depends on the child in question, but yes on the whole I think a secondary school age child will be aware of what a sex worker is and that sex happens in different forms. I would use it as a opening to talk to them about these themes and for them to form healthy ideas around these topics.
TheOriginalEmu · 24/01/2022 01:05

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime

The OP's child is 11, not 12. And parent seems to have decided that her guidance says "no".
ONE of her parents. The other disagrees. And the point of the post was Is Op being unreasonable, so the comment by @aristotlesdeathray isn’t irrelevant
WiddlinDiddlin · 24/01/2022 04:07

YANBU in not wanting her to watch it.

YABU if you think you can stop her.

I would discuss it with her, see what she thinks of the themes of the show, hopefully if you do it enough she will realise some of it is inappropriate and ideally, cringe so hard at having to discuss it with you that she either stops.. or doesn't reference it at home or in your earshot.

You won't stop her watching it as long as she has friends who have devices, and as long as she leaves your home daily, and is beyond your physical supervision.

So you do the best you can do, but I think telling her it is outright banned, she must never ever watch it means she will run to find EVERY way possible to watch it without your being able to stop her.

SantaClawsServiette · 24/01/2022 04:35

I would disallow it, but there is a good chance she'll see it anyway. So it might be worth talking with her about why it's inappropriate, whet the effects are of watching things that have disrespectful, sexist, or otherwise disturbing material.

I'd also add, I think in a lot of ways it's also inappropriate for adults. It's not just that it's adult material, a lot of it is just nasty.

liveforsummer · 24/01/2022 06:56

She's at high school, she's going to have access to all sorts anyway and banning stuff like this probably won't go well (or even be effective) Tbh though friends mentions a lot of these topics and is currently the in thing for dd(8) and all her peers. It largely goes over their head.

Ijustreallywantacat · 24/01/2022 07:00

YANBU to try and get her to stop watching it, but don't blame the other girls. Your DDs behaviour is her responsibility, no-one else's.

liveforsummer · 24/01/2022 07:04

@angelikacpickles

12a films and shows are very often watched by younger audiences, as they're for children - since I hope we can all be sensible and agree the mental difference between an 11 and 12 year old is non existent

This makes no sense. Obviously, whoever decided on the rating scheme thinks there is a difference between what is suitable for 11 and 12 year olds, or the rating would be 11A. And if there's no difference between an 11 and 12 year old, is there a difference between a 10 and 11 year old?

12A means it can be watched by anyone though but under 12s need adult permission. Once 12 it's deemed suitable to make their own choice. OP's dd is is high school so is likely 12 pretty soon. I can't see any benefit from banning at this long. She's probably already seen so many of them anyway. A bit of shutting the door once the horse has bolted.
liveforsummer · 24/01/2022 07:05

Oh and I do think there is more of a difference between a 10 and 11 year old than an 11 and 12 when the 11 year old is a high school not primary pupil

Promleafyus · 24/01/2022 07:15

@GiftWrappingLikeItsXmasEve

With an 11 year old, you very much are still the parent. So if you think this is inappropriate, you tell her so, block access and carry on. You can ask her opinion, but if all she can plead her case with is “all my friends watch it” then that would be a definite no from me.
Yes exactly. If she chooses to watch it outside of the house that is up to her, but its ridiculous to say do what you want as you'll do it anyway. Parents should continue laying boundaries, those programmes are not appropriate for an 11 year old, she's probably only watching them to fit in anyway.
Ahalam · 24/01/2022 07:16

There’s nothing wrong with having firm boundaries - in fact it will help your dd assess what she encounters because she will measure it against the standard of what would mum think

It’s really important to have these alternative standards in a world that is essentially grooming our dc. She might be closer to thirty before she appreciates your point of view but your values and standards will matter to her.

If she thinks this is ok viewing it’s a clear indication that she hasn’t the maturity for it yet.

CoalCraft · 24/01/2022 07:21

She's 11. She won't be hurt by the word "fuck", for fuck's sake. As for the references to sex and prostitution, I suppose it depends on the extent and context. At her age I would imagine she knows about these things already, so if it's just passing references to them I wouldn't be concerned, but if there's actual explicit sex scenes or if prostitution is glorified, that's different.

If you weren't so hardline a better approach might have been to watch sn episode or two with her and pick up on the bits you don't like (not the swearing, FFS, who cares?) and talk to her about them. Good opportunity to talk about the exploitation associated with prostitution, etc.

WaningMoon · 24/01/2022 08:03

I used to work in a safeguarding role with children at primary and secondary schools and some of you are absolute idiots.

Just because kids say things/knows swear words/knows the words bdsm etc does not mean they know what is , or have the emotional intelligence to understand it.

You aren’t doing your kids any favours by being relaxed about them watching violence or sexualised stuff.

liveforsummer · 24/01/2022 08:16

As a secondary safeguard do you really think a 12A programme is a safeguarding issue for a nearly 12 year old?

aristotlesdeathray · 24/01/2022 08:26

@WaningMoon

I used to work in a safeguarding role with children at primary and secondary schools and some of you are absolute idiots.

Just because kids say things/knows swear words/knows the words bdsm etc does not mean they know what is , or have the emotional intelligence to understand it.

You aren’t doing your kids any favours by being relaxed about them watching violence or sexualised stuff.

So allowing an 11 year old to watch as 12a is now a safeguarding issue Hmm
Promleafyus · 24/01/2022 08:32

@liveforsummer

As a secondary safeguard do you really think a 12A programme is a safeguarding issue for a nearly 12 year old?
I don't know why safeguarding seems to be a new buzzword thrown and applied to everything it's not relevant to, but anyway, no it isn't. That doesn't mean as a parent it's not unreasonable to explain to your child it's not something you are happy for them to watch and ban from the house. What they do with that advice is up to them, doesn't mean people should give up. 12a means with advisory, I'm astounded its not higher rating as both programmes cover very adult content.
Blossomtoes · 24/01/2022 08:41

Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. A ban’s unenforceable unless you spend 24/7 together, far better to discuss the issues raised and make sure her perception of them is correct. There’s the opportunity to teach some good life lessons.

Rivermonsters · 24/01/2022 09:05

YABU but I get where you’re coming from. If she’s mature enough then maybe let her watch it, it’s hardly pornography (which Sad was the reason why I clogged up the laptop at around her age).