When would you broach the subject of marriage?

[Lifeisverylongwhenyourelonely]

Bf is late 20s, I'm 3 years older in early 30s.
Will be 2 years together in the spring, currently tent together and saving up to purchase a property together hopefully, we've lived together for over a year now.
I do want to get married at some point. I'm aware he's 3 years younger, he's said he would like to get married too (in general).
But we've only mentioned it in passing.. what do you think would be a reasonable timescale for us to look at marriage?
Obviously it's not something that should be rushed into, nor do I want to spend several years with somebody that has zero intention of marrying me (seen some threads on here where women have had to go through this)

Rent together* not tent thank God lol

I think talk about it asap and be really strong with your boundaries . If its important to you ask him to be really honest and be prepared to walk if hes flaky about it. I wasted 7 years and a load of heartache on a commitment phobe

Thanks that's good advice .. I bet I'll get very mixed replies here though. Is it reasonable to know if you want to marry somebody after 2 years?

I'm really sorry to hear you wasted 7 years, I hope you've since managed to move on. It angers me so much when they string women along

If you want to marry him then it’s easy to have an open conversation about you’re future. How can you contemplate marrying someone you can’t have an open conversation with about your feelings and hopes for the future. Just ask him where he sees you going.

I think you most certainly do know if you want to marry someone after two years.

Before you buy the house would be a good time I'd say

You are very right about that. I guess I'm just afraid of getting an answer I don't want

100% agree about doing it before buying a house

I think it’s best to talk through with each and make sure you’re on the same page timeline wise. It’s helpful to know clearly that you want the same things and check what timeline you both envision to ensure it aligns. Some couples get engaged after a year or two and others after a decade so I don’t think there’s necessarily a hard and fast rule for when you ‘should’, it depends on the couple. And I think living together first helps so you learn how to live with each other’s rhythms and there are no surprises.

I think around about now sounds quite reasonable: buying a house together is a big commitment, and you'd both be better served legally by being married before you buy in to large joint investments.

@Lifeisverylongwhenyourelonely

Thanks that's good advice .. I bet I'll get very mixed replies here though. Is it reasonable to know if you want to marry somebody after 2 years?

We got married on our 2nd anniversary, so yes, definitely.

Yes that's true there's no hard and fast rule
Don't want to do a Pamela Anderson but don't want to waste time and be strung along either
We get on really well living together luckily
I think I'll just have to be brave

By two years you’d likely know yourself either way and be comfortable having the conversation.

We talked about it and agreed we both wanted to get married, and after a few more conversations like that, we decided that we would get engaged.

At this stage I’m not sure what else you’d need to know after two years?

Be clear on what you want and be prepared to move on if need be.

You will get mixed responses on here , questioning marriage etc but ultimately you know what is right and important for you.
Personal question but do you want children? If this is a yes, it's even more pressing for you to get a definite answer
I agree 2 years is long enough to know, and to definitely do it before you buy a house.
The conversation is scary but it will save you what I went through

@Lifeisverylongwhenyourelonely

You are very right about that. I guess I'm just afraid of getting an answer I don't want

With respect, why would you buy in to a 25+ year investment with somebody you're not keen on having a onversation with?

People can talk about future kids etc, but surely the absolute fundamental thing is having a roof over your head in the here and now and being relatively sure that it will be there tomorrow?

The thing is none of his friends are married or engaged, not even his older sister who's been with her partner years
I worry that he sees himself as too young in his late 20s

When you start seriously dating

I'm baffled you've moved in together and not properly discussed plans for the future including marriage

Now. Don't buy a house with him if he doesn't want to marry you. The mortgage will probably be a 25yr commitment so it'll create stacks of paperwork and hassle in addition to the normal breaking up nuisance if you only find out later.

Honestly very on the fence about having children whereas he's slightly more keen

Friends of mine got together in early 20s and then got married after approx 5 years

Also be wary of flaky things like 'at some point I want to'
It sounds very cold to tie down timelines but I think its necessary.

If he says he sees himself as too young in his late twenties I would question his level of maturity and be less interested in being married to him. It would be the same as saying "no, I want to be a teenager forever".

Get married before you buy the house.

I think maybe both of you need to think exactly what you want. Dont underestimate the effect of covid for the last 2 years.

@Fimofriend

If he says he sees himself as too young in his late twenties I would question his level of maturity and be less interested in being married to him. It would be the same as saying "no, I want to be a teenager forever".

Get married before you buy the house.

YES YES YES