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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting DS's friends on holiday

69 replies

happyclapper · 23/01/2022 17:10

My 15 yr old DS wants to invite 3 friends on our summer holiday. It will be our first holiday abroad since his father and I separated 3 yrs ago and I really want to make it a success but I really can't afford to pay for his friends. AIBU to ask his friends parents to pay? This may just be for their flights if we get an Aibnb plus spending money.
I feel awkward asking them but I really don't think he will come away with us if it is just me and my DP.

OP posts:
Steelesauce · 23/01/2022 17:12

Id say 1 friend only personally and I would pay. 3 friends is a lot!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/01/2022 17:13

One of ds3’s friend’s parents did just this - invited ds3 to go on holiday with them, and asked us to pay for his flights and spending money (they were renting a villa and adding him didn’t add to the accommodation costs), and we thought it was completely reasonable for them to ask us to pay for his travel. We were simply grateful for their thoughtfulness in asking him.

GiveMeNovocain · 23/01/2022 17:14

@Steelesauce

Id say 1 friend only personally and I would pay. 3 friends is a lot!
Same. 1 friend and I'd pay but no way I'd want 3 extras. You'd be outnumbered for a start!
BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/01/2022 17:15

You don’t want 3 extra 15 year old boys on your hols. One only I’d say.

Notimeforaname · 23/01/2022 17:15

Offer to one friend. Their parents pay for the flight and spending money.

I think you're mad to entertain the idea of 3 plus your own teenager. Even if they were paying for themselves.

Ted27 · 23/01/2022 17:17

Putting aside who pays for it, Do you really want to be responsible for 3 other teenagers abroad?

Twinstudy · 23/01/2022 17:17

Agree that 3 seems mad! Would he not be happy with just one?

Notimeforaname · 23/01/2022 17:19

1 friend is more than enough. You'll be souly responsible for 4 teenage boys, abroad.
Anything could happen and I dont think you're expecting them to sit by your side for the whole week.

Pleaseuniverseplease · 23/01/2022 17:20

No way to 3 friends.
It'd be 1 or none.
The friend would have to pay for flights and spending.

Original poster
happyclapper · 23/01/2022 17:22

Sorry, I did mean to say 2 friends. DS had been pushing for 3 but I said definitely no. 1 would be much more manageable I agree.
Pleased to see you think it is reasonable to ask for airfare and spends.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 23/01/2022 17:24

@happyclapper

My 15 yr old DS wants to invite 3 friends on our summer holiday. It will be our first holiday abroad since his father and I separated 3 yrs ago and I really want to make it a success but I really can't afford to pay for his friends. AIBU to ask his friends parents to pay? This may just be for their flights if we get an Aibnb plus spending money. I feel awkward asking them but I really don't think he will come away with us if it is just me and my DP.
I'm with those who say you really shouldn't take responsibility for 3 teenage boys on holiday. Compromise with one friend only - but more than that is - I speak as someone who taught teenagers for many years - fraught with risk.
VickyEadieofThigh · 23/01/2022 17:24

Just seen your update - yes, agree to one friend, who should pay airfare and spends.

GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 17:25

Absolutely the friends parents should pay.

BurntO · 23/01/2022 17:26

1 friend only. Especially considering he wants 3 but if he took two then it seems like only 1 is left out? Taking more than 1 is crazy IMO anyway Grin I think if you invite you need to pay for them really, but they need their own spending money for anything other than 3 meals a day.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 23/01/2022 17:44

I agree with everyone else, one friend only, and even then you're likely to need eyes in the back of your head! We had our granddaughter up to stay with us for a week, and told her we were happy for her friend to come too. Admittedly they were slightly younger, but the friend, was a risk taker, and all too often tried to push her luck, doing dangerous things like going really close to a cliff edge, when we had warned them both against it! (We're local and know the risks involved). She was a nice girl, but just liked pushing the boundaries, so be sure you know what you're taking on, before you make a decision OP.

JigglyPiggly · 23/01/2022 17:46

I'll go against the grain here but YABU

I'd never dare ask DCs friends parents to contribute to a trip my kids wanted them to go on. It's very tacky

Roles reversed I always offer to cover DCs costs when they are invited on trips but it's a bit off to ask for it upfront.

If you can't afford to take them, they don't go.

Babyshadows · 23/01/2022 17:49

Plus it's the cost of 3x everything if they don't send much spending money. Meals, drinks, entry to activities. It could bump your holiday costs up ALOT! I'd say one friend and I'd pay for everything personally. When my child's friend brings spending money it's normally used for tat at gift shops if at all, never meals or things they actually need.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2022 17:53

Interestingly a thread here about a week ago, but the other way round, was split 50/50. People were saying as the friend is coming will do you a favour (ie your ds will come and have company) the inviter should pay, or at least contilribute to.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/01/2022 17:54

Also 15 is the age they start to push the boundaries a bit … obv depends on the boys but generally speaking. What would you do if a couple of them got hammered one night, or went off to meet girls etc. I wouldn’t want that responsibility on my hols.

Smartiepants79 · 23/01/2022 17:55

I extra teenage friend is ENOUGH. You might as well go on holiday by yourself for all the attention your going to get with this arrangement!!
If I was expected to pay for the trip with another family I don’t think my child would be going. I’d rather the money went On a holiday for our family.
I’d send money for food and stuff but I don’t think I’d invite another child along if I couldn’t afford to pay for them.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 23/01/2022 17:58

You need to be realistic about spending money as well- what's your expectations and what you can afford. Are you expecting the parents to send spending money that will cover every breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks, activities. Or just to cover himself if he goes shopping, on a night out etc.
also will their child be allowed to drink, go out to bars just the two of them if you allow it. I'd overthink it a bit.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 18:01

I think it's ridiculously cheeky to ask someone to pay for their child to go on holiday with you to keep yours company.

If you must do that at least speak to the parent before the child so that they can say no without having to be the bad guy to their child if they don't want their child to go or can't afford it.

Winniemarysarah · 23/01/2022 18:07

@JigglyPiggly

I'll go against the grain here but YABU

I'd never dare ask DCs friends parents to contribute to a trip my kids wanted them to go on. It's very tacky

Roles reversed I always offer to cover DCs costs when they are invited on trips but it's a bit off to ask for it upfront.

If you can't afford to take them, they don't go.

I agree. If you invite a child’s friend on your family holiday then they’re your guest. I wouldn’t dream of billing the parents for travel, food or any days out/activities that the child will have to accompany you on. I would expect them to bring spending money for extras. No way would I be inviting more than one friend though.
merryhouse · 23/01/2022 18:07

I'm going to say something else.

He's obviously not that bothered about a holiday abroad if he won't go with just the two of you.

Book a two-bedroom caravan or cottage in the UK, and invite one friend. You'll ferry, feed and entertain him though he brings his own souvenir and sweet money.

Once son is 18 the two of you can go abroad.

liveforsummer · 23/01/2022 18:08

1 friend is plenty but sorry you should only invite if you're prepared to pay. Spending money fine but not the general holiday costs. That will get spent on their own family holiday I imagine.

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