DH dogwalks with another woman

[DMOB3]

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

I agree that it seems she has had a nice walk gone home got on with her day and when she has sat down in the evening finally thought how nice it was and sent a quick thank you

Did he reply to her message OP?

[quote girlmom21]@JaniieJones so once you're in a relationship all friendships can only be formed as part of a group? [/quote]
Not necessarily. The pp asked me how to widen their social circle so I gave a few ideas.

I saw another married neighbour in Costas and we chatted briefly. I might text him at midnight to thank him for our lovely chat. Don't you see how very weird that would be?!

How do you widen your social circle if you're not allowed to message anyone who's married or message someone when you're married?

Come along, it's obvious that no-one is allowed to message anyone else if they and/or the message recipient are married! We can't possibly treat married people like they are still sentient and independent human beings, they are clearly now just the possession of their spouse and a jealously guarded one at that. Messaging a married person, as @JaniieJones points out, just means you have nothing else in your life. If you're married, your only communication should be with your partner. If you're single, you may only socialise with your fellow freaks singletons. Stay in your lane!

Taking my tongue out of my cheek, it's noticeable how many people want to make their worlds as small as possible. No messaging/socialising outside the family unit unless everyone goes along, no spending free time in any way except 'Family Time', no becoming friends with colleagues... Jeez.

@BrightYellowDaffodil thanks for making me laugh out loud when the baby was falling asleep on me ffs

@JaniieJones just because you wouldn't do something doesn't mean it's weird.

I'm not one for thankyou messages either but I have friends (female and male) who always reliably send one in situations like this. Sometimes even after 11pm. It doesn't mean they're hitting on me FGS.

@WomanStanleyWoman

I hadn’t realised there was a law against saying ‘thank you’ to somebody married.

There is -- you have to scowl at anyone wearing a wedding ring who holds a door for you or lets you go ahead in a supermarket queue.

' it's noticeable how many people want to make their worlds as small as possible.'

Why do you think I want a 'small world'?!As a family we have loads of activities and socialise together and separately. However i certainly wouldn’t minimise odd behaviour and late night thankyous for a dog walk. It is the late night text that is a bit wtf not just speaking to a married person, obviously.

As I said upthread, I send texts when I remember to. I still don't understand why a late night text is weird unless it's to say "Come and get it, big boy".

If my partner thought that was odd behaviour I'd be questioning their sanity. Paranoia is never attractive.

I think the bottom line is does her husband fancy the colleague and does the colleague fancy him.

If this text is from Beryle from accounts and is 60 year old, and he is 30 then fine.

Somehow I don't think she is.

@Onthedunes, 🤣🤣🤣. Good point - no one's actually asked this ! ( mind you, op has disappeared so we can't ask. She's probably walking the dog).

One of my friends messaged our group chat just after midnight last night boasting that she’d completed today’s Wordle in two guesses. I thought she was just showing off - apparently what she was actually saying was ‘Let’s all hump like dogs’.

My late husband had a couple of female friends he dog walked with, sometimes by arrangement and sometimes because they bumped into each other in the park. I dog walk with my male friends sometimes in the same way. I just don't see the issue, unless you have reasons not to trust your DH.

You don't own him. Give a dog a bad name. If you constantly question him or think he may be cheating, then it doesn't say much for the trust in your relationship.
They may just talk work stuff, pull work colleagues apart etc. He might find it refreshing to enjoy different conversations than the ones you and he have together.
When I got together with my OH (both divorced) he said that what attracted him was what I spoke about, our conversations and the way it made him feel good about life. His ex didn't enjoy conversation or any repartee. It was dull dull dull.

The dog walking is fine.
The late night sickly text from her is not. Imagine being in bed with your husband late at night and his phone pings from a woman saying "Thanks for the walk". She is a silly attention seeking cheeky cow.

My brother does this regularly, and both he and his wife can be quite flirtatious IMHO. It's not something I'd be particularly comfortable with personally, but I can be insecure. The other woman does sometimes join them both for a coffee afterwards.

If I was choosing not to walk with my partner, and I knew the other woman, then I'd accept it. The late night messaging would certainly tickle my spidey senses though.

May be completely innocent and also may not be. OP's DH wouldn't be the first married person to have an affair, either emotional or sexual, starting in this way, so I don't understand people making out OP is a controlling, jealous weirdo. The secrecy is strange. If I'm meeting a friend, I'll mention it to DP or DD, "just going for a walk with X. See you in an hour". Surely that's a normal thing to do. Also if it's a frequent thing, my friends don't normally message me afterwards to say "thanks for the walk/coffee" etc. If it's someone I hadn't caught up with for a while, then yes, or if I'd been giving them advice about a problem or something like that. I'd go on a walk with them next time to set your mind at rest. Mention it to your DH and his reaction will probably tell you one way or the other if you need to be worried.

I honestly can't get my head around this being a red flag for people. An adult openly spends time dog walking with another adult, and it's a red flag because the other adult has a vagina?!

Unless there's history here, I genuinely don't see the issue. I WhatsApp my friends - male and female - whenever I have the time/opportunity/energy and there is no time of day where a message suddenly means I am, or want to, have sex with them

Hmm. I wonder if your husband is out walking the dogs with me!
In all fairness, he does bring the kids sometimes too 😀.

I am sure it’s fine OP, I walk with my male work colleague who lives a street away from me. We are both married. (Happily)

We mostly do the morning walks though with dogs/sometimes kids and we have turns to buy coffee. It’s just company and office gossip mostly. Plus, it makes the tedious job of walking alone a little more fun. Dogs are happy, humans are happy.
The wife came along once but we must have bored her because she never came again. My husband does the evening walks with our dog and he has a few ladies he walks with (none works with) but I think the ladies might feel safer, and same reason, just making a very dull job - a little fun. Ask him. I am sure there is no harm in it…

I'd say be on guard, but at the moment, it seems just friendship

Don’t you trust him? My DH regularly walks with a couple of women, sometimes just 1 women. They walk because the dogs play together. Talk to him.

I'd be unhappy too. It wouldn't matter if your husband was totally upfront and told you beforehand, but it's a bit odd to only 'own up' after the fact. Or is he afraid to say anything to you as you're overly paranoid? If that was the case, however, I expect he wouldn't go at all.

If this text is from Beryle from accounts and is 60 year old, and he is 30 then fine.

TBF my male work colleague is exactly the same age as me and gorgeous to look at. We often go for walks together, meet for drinks etc. But there is absolutely no attraction for either of us.
So age or attractiveness isn’t a sign that someone will cheat.

@Kelly7889

The dog walking is fine. The late night sickly text from her is not. Imagine being in bed with your husband late at night and his phone pings from a woman saying "Thanks for the walk". She is a silly attention seeking cheeky cow.

Gosh, that's mature... Pop her in the village stocks too?

I wouldn’t have a problem with the walking whatsoever, the late night text wouldn’t sit well with me, though.

It’s a time she knows he’s definitely with you, late on you could be getting intimate/watching a film together/just having husband and wife time. I don’t think it’s appropriate but by the same token, I think texting someone at 11:30 at night is a bit off in the sense where you’d go “it’s a bit late to be messaging now”.