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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to see cocaine using friends again?

75 replies

WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 10:17

I've been really good friends with a couple for several years and we meet up every few months, usually they stay at mine due to our respective locations.

I've always known that they were into their drugs, weed, E, cocaine etc. they're city high fliers but like to party hard at the weekend. I have no issue with this at all. I've dabbled myself in the past but don't do it anymore.

Anyway when they've come to stay previously they would bring a bit of weed with them which is fine. But in their latest visit they brought coke, which I thought was a bit odd as we were just having dinner and drinks at mine, not going to a rave!

Oh my god, I literally did not get a word in edgeways for the entire evening. They both talked at me for several hours, telling their stories in minute detail whilst gurning and figeting the entire time. To say they were up themselves is an understatement, I'm surprised their heads could fit through the door. I had to listen to them regale me with story after story about how fucking amazing they were. I was utterly exhausted by the end of it.

My friend has just messaged me to say they're keen to meet up again in a few weeks but I cannot bare a repeat of that night. Clearly they are both clueless to how they came across because they said they had the best night last time we met up!!

How do I tackle this? I don't want to offend them but nor do I want a repeat of last time. I don't want to lose the friendship but I know they're big into their coke and can't see what arseholes they become when taking it.

Any advice please?!

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 23/01/2022 10:20

Just put them off for a few weeks? Say you’re busy/got a lot on?
Next time arrange to meet at a restaurant?

ChaToilLeam · 23/01/2022 10:21

Tell them directly. Tell them you don’t want a repeat because, while it was clearly great for them, they were off their tits and it was absolutely rubbish for you. Tel them no drugs in your home (that is if you would ever indulge a repeat visit). Tell them you enjoy their company when they are normal but not when they are on drugs.

Whether it will work or not remains to be seen. If they value getting coked up more than they value your company, you will have your answer.

Flocon · 23/01/2022 10:22

Just say you found it tricky last time because you were sober so you're happy to meet sober or if they want to do their own thing you won't be offended.

Original poster
WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 10:25

I think if I suggested meeting at a restaurant they would still take it!

I'm not great at confrontation at all. I don't think they would take it well. I know I'm making them out to be total arseholes but they're actually really lovely, when not intoxicated!

OP posts:
Original poster
WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 10:26

Why does cocaine make people like this though? I find it so bizarre. They're completely different when they've had a joint

OP posts:
Flocon · 23/01/2022 10:27

@WallyCobbles12345

I think if I suggested meeting at a restaurant they would still take it!

I'm not great at confrontation at all. I don't think they would take it well. I know I'm making them out to be total arseholes but they're actually really lovely, when not intoxicated!

It doesn't have to be confrontational though
VelvetChairGirl · 23/01/2022 10:28

Why are you not bothered considering all the misery the drugs trade cause.

remind them they are shoving something up their nose thats been up some mules arse and caused countless deaths and misery in its production and distribution.

and before anyone gets on the legalise all drugs bandwagon, look at the CIA. only difference between mafias and governments is how stylish their suits are.

Original poster
WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 10:29

I'm not comfortable talking to them about the ethics of what they are doing. I agree with you btw, but it's not easy to have that conversation. At least not for me.

OP posts:
VelvetChairGirl · 23/01/2022 10:34

@WallyCobbles12345

I'm not comfortable talking to them about the ethics of what they are doing. I agree with you btw, but it's not easy to have that conversation. At least not for me.
then stick to the shoved up an arse in a condom, thru countless hands and adulterated with any old shit by every dealer that gets it.

I knew 3 drug dealers on the estate and one supplier, none of them took drugs because they saw what it did to people and knew how it was made and what crap was in it etc, all the dealers ended up getting murdered by junkies and the supplier had to do a runner and go into hiding when he wanted to stop and get a proper job because he was too high up the chain to just be allowed to leave.

THisbackwithavengeance · 23/01/2022 10:38

@VelvetChairGirl

Why are you not bothered considering all the misery the drugs trade cause.

remind them they are shoving something up their nose thats been up some mules arse and caused countless deaths and misery in its production and distribution.

and before anyone gets on the legalise all drugs bandwagon, look at the CIA. only difference between mafias and governments is how stylish their suits are.

This. I wouldn't be friends with people who use drugs and can't have a good time without shoving crap up their nose.

But just say you're not comfortable with drug use in your home and could you either meet in a club or just enjoy an evening with a glass of wine instead?

Do you have kids? You could say something about being worried about having drugs in the same house as your kids.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 23/01/2022 10:38

God, I really hate "coke bores"
I have alot of friends who do this every weekend, and you're right, it's boring as fuck being talked at for hours on end. I've dabbled now and again, mainly when I was younger but it seems most people I know never grew out of it.

FindingMeno · 23/01/2022 10:40

Set your boundaries.
"I'd love to if you stay straight.
If not I find the dynamic doesn't work for me"

HeatonGrove · 23/01/2022 10:40

Cocaine users in are part of a global chain of exploitation which involves murder, rape, extortion, blackmail, exploitation of young people in county lines, knife crime etc. This would not be happening if they were not buying the product.

I put them on a par with those who watch child pornography. Children are being ruthlessly exploited because they buy the product.

Be glad you are no longer part of this and drop them as friends.

Magenta82 · 23/01/2022 10:43

If they are real friends it should be possible to have a reasonable conversation where you say you don't enjoy their company while they are on coke. If it causes a confrontation then they are not good friends and are best avoided.

I hate being around people on coke and have actively told people I don't want to be around them when they are on it, it wasn't a big deal and shouldn't be for your friends unless they have a serious problem.

RampantIvy · 23/01/2022 10:45

But just say you're not comfortable with drug use in your home and could you either meet in a club or just enjoy an evening with a glass of wine instead?

Could you do this ^^?

If you met at a restaurant at least you could finish your meal quickly and leave.

UnsuitableHat · 23/01/2022 10:45

Difficult one if you don't like confrontation, but I think the best thing is to tell them that because they'd taken cocaine you didn't enjoy their company very much. At least you have cocaine as a reason and aren't just telling them you don't like their personalities. If I'd been blind drunk in someone's company I wouldn't be surprised if they asked me not to be like that with them again - guess there might be some equivalence there? Alternatively, I suppose, reduce your contact with them.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 23/01/2022 10:48

OP clearly doesn't have a massive issue with the ethics of drug consumption -- she's been friends with these people, aware of their drug use, for two years. Has been content enough with these friends bringing weed to her house and smoking it there. And has been a drug user herself in the past.

While I personally agree with the condemnation of drug users from the exploitation angle, I'm not sure that this approach is one OP can get away with, really, given the context. It would look massive hypocritical.

OP -- you could introduce a 'no illegal drugs in my house' policy. But then you'd have to include the weed as well. (Assuming you live somewhere that weed use is illegal too.)

Or you could just take the piss. 'Barry, you turn into a right bore when you're on the nose ningle.' Saliency is key with this kind of thing -- repeat enough times and they'll get the message, if they value your friendship.

SilverHairedCat · 23/01/2022 10:49

No, tell them. They obviously have no insight until the boredom of being stuck with people who are coked up.

And it's fucking selfish - who comes to someone's home and uses drugs?!

Cakecakecheese · 23/01/2022 10:50

I actually said to someone once 'I'm not coming if you lot will be taking coke, it turns you into t**ts'. But I appreciate that you're not that kind if person and even a more polite version of that would be difficult.

PermanentTemporary · 23/01/2022 10:51

What FindingMeno said.

AutumnLeaves21 · 23/01/2022 10:52

I’m sure the OP is aware of the horrors of the drug trafficking industry, unsure why she’s being lectured when she herself doesn’t take it Hmm
OP I think being direct is the only way to go really.
Tell her you don’t feel comfortable with it in your house and that you find it difficult to be around her on it due to How her behaviour changes. Remind her you love her and enjoy spending time with her usually, just when there are no drugs involved.

DoubleGauze · 23/01/2022 10:53

If someone came to my house coked up they would not be welcome back , they took the absolute piss op.

Just tell them straight. They're welcome for dinner , but don't bring drugs into your house.

DoubleGauze · 23/01/2022 10:57

Or go to them instead , then you can leave if they get the straws out.

I've done exactly this in the past. As , at the very least , it's tedious watching and listening to these people all night.

ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 10:58

I don't want to offend them but nor do I want a repeat of last time.
They weren't worried about how offensive they were, off their beaks on coke.
It's not "offensive" to state a boundary. Your friends may choose to take offence though, because that's an easy get-out for them - they can stay in denial about their rudeness & additions.

I'm not great at confrontation at all. I don't think they would take it well.
Again - stating a boundary is not a "confrontation."

"Pals, I'm glad you had a good time at mine & are looking forward to meeting again. So am I! - but I was uncomfortable with the coke last time so want to meet you on a night when you're not doing it."

"A night when you're not doing it" isn't rude, offensive, or confrontational. It isn't berating them for being entitled arseholes who don't give a shit about the hideous industry they are propping up. It isn't telling them they were pains in your arse all night. It isn't instructing them to stop snorting ... all it is doing is saying YOU prefer not to be around coke.

If they don't like that, or try to DARVO you for having an opinion & a perfectly reasonable aversion to the ethics (& boring, awful social behaviours) coke production causes - so be it.
YOUR boundary is no coke.
THEIR boundary might be that they prefer coke to your company.
www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/

It's a risk, but one without terrible consequences, because if you can't bear them on coke, you're not missing out anyway.
& you know your friends, & what the chance is that they might just reply "right, soz, we'll leave it out next time."

LondonWolf · 23/01/2022 10:58

Do you have children? If so I'd be absolutely furious that they'd brought illegal, dangerous drugs into my home where my children were.

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