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Original poster

To not want to see cocaine using friends again?

75 replies

WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 10:17

I've been really good friends with a couple for several years and we meet up every few months, usually they stay at mine due to our respective locations.

I've always known that they were into their drugs, weed, E, cocaine etc. they're city high fliers but like to party hard at the weekend. I have no issue with this at all. I've dabbled myself in the past but don't do it anymore.

Anyway when they've come to stay previously they would bring a bit of weed with them which is fine. But in their latest visit they brought coke, which I thought was a bit odd as we were just having dinner and drinks at mine, not going to a rave!

Oh my god, I literally did not get a word in edgeways for the entire evening. They both talked at me for several hours, telling their stories in minute detail whilst gurning and figeting the entire time. To say they were up themselves is an understatement, I'm surprised their heads could fit through the door. I had to listen to them regale me with story after story about how fucking amazing they were. I was utterly exhausted by the end of it.

My friend has just messaged me to say they're keen to meet up again in a few weeks but I cannot bare a repeat of that night. Clearly they are both clueless to how they came across because they said they had the best night last time we met up!!

How do I tackle this? I don't want to offend them but nor do I want a repeat of last time. I don't want to lose the friendship but I know they're big into their coke and can't see what arseholes they become when taking it.

Any advice please?!

OP posts:
WowIlikereallyhateyou · 23/01/2022 11:01

Sad they have to do it to have a good time in the first place really.

SportsMother · 23/01/2022 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cocomarine · 23/01/2022 11:03

They know coke makes them different. It’s the point of it. It’s fine to tell them - it’s dull as fuck for everyone else when you’re high. Coke without it, or don’t come.

Ahalam · 23/01/2022 11:11

I cannot stand middle class drug users with their smug cliche “party hard at the weekend” and equally cliched responses if you dare disrupt their narrative.

They’re not exceptional - they are dull, boring little people and it’s only amplified when they take coke.

Tal45 · 23/01/2022 11:12

Can you just tell them you like them better when they're just themselves and not on coke? That's a compliment surely? Who wants to be more likeable when they're on drugs? If they're not interested in coming unless they can take coke then it's not a great friendship or one that's going to work for you and you can just let them back away.

Original poster
WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 11:12

Ok, it looks like I need to put on my big girl pants and tell them I don't like it. For those who asked yes I do have a child but they stay at grandparents for the night when these friends come over. They're not taking lines off the kitchen table or anything.

I guess I'm just bemused at the effect it has on people. I've never taken it so have no idea.

As I said, I agree with the ethical stance but im not going to start lecturing them about that. Clearly they don't care and it wouldn't be well received.

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 23/01/2022 11:17

"No, I don't like you when you're off your face on coke, you yabbered at me non stop and the gurning is annoying".

Also, yes, be annoyed they brought a class A into your house. One forgetful drug addict and suddenly your child finds "a bag of sugar".

cherrytopcake · 23/01/2022 11:29

It's well known coke makes people talk about themselves and chat shit endlessly. If your friendship is strong then I'd just remind them this fact and tell them 'btw you chatted shit for ages last time. I didn't get a word in. Obviously I want to meet up again but I don't want a repeat of last time where you just spoke about yourself because I didn't enjoy it'.

Or something along those lines.

Just be honest, if they take offense, then let them. And who knows, they might feel embarrassed by their behaviour and thank you for pulling them up on it.

SarahBop · 23/01/2022 11:29

I'd be asking yourself why you are tolerating a 'friend' to use hard drugs in your home, given that you don't use them yourself.

A bit of weed is one thing, but if someone I knew pulled coke out in my home, they'd be getting told to get the fuck out.

LovelyQuiche · 23/01/2022 11:30

A couple of old friends did coke. I would just avoid talking to them when they were on it and it was so obvious when they were, arrogant, chin swinging everywhere, had to fill the air with their voice, contriving themselves. I did it a few times in my early 20s and the next day I’d be full of so much shame at how much of a bellend I must have seemed the night before. And this is without all the ethical side of things!

girlywhirly · 23/01/2022 11:32

Reply to the message saying that you no longer take drugs and so they will not be able to stay at your home after the last time. Their behaviour on coke then made their personality change so much you barely recognised them and it was not enjoyable, and very boring to be talked at without any interest in you. As a previous poster said, you would rather not be around them if their primary interest is in coke.

Original poster
WallyCobbles12345 · 23/01/2022 11:40

Honestly their coke is like a precious bag of gold dust to them, they would never accidentally leave any lying around! But that's a separate argument.

But yes you're all correct I need to have the conversation with them about how it changes them (which I'm damn sure they know already!) I'm going to find it so uncomfortable but it needs to be done. I'll try and build up the courage to text my friend today - I'm aware I sound pathetic btw.

OP posts:
Mistymoors · 23/01/2022 11:45

Make excuses and make new friends, they’re not going to change fast !! Life is too short for this crap !!

LondonWolf · 23/01/2022 11:49

Honestly their coke is like a precious bag of gold dust to them, they would never accidentally leave any lying around! But that's a separate argument.

Ok but how about a few grains on the bathroom shelf that gets onto a toothbrush or on the carpet for a crawling child or the dining table or wherever. It's irrelevant how careful they are, accidents are accidents because no one saw them coming.

Merryoldgoat · 23/01/2022 11:50

The thing is, if they want to take Coke in fairly pedestrian situations and you don’t like it, you can’t really socialise. So the friendship is done.

Personally I’d tell them they were unbearable on Coke and I didn’t want to see them like that again but I appreciate I’m unusual in that regard.

I’m the friend people call and say ‘I know you’ll tell me if I’m being a cunt’ because I’ll be honest.

Flocon · 23/01/2022 11:50

You can write it in a way that is more It's not you it's me if you like.

LondonWolf · 23/01/2022 11:52

And I'm not being ott. My ex used to do coke and on occasion did it home. I caught him a couple of times. It is dangerous and utterly disgusting to be doing hard drugs in the vicinity of children and honestly I would have thrown them out the moment I realised they were on it.

CagneyNYPD1 · 23/01/2022 12:00

Bite the bullet. Text your friend. Otherwise you will hum and ahh about it all day and talk yourself out of it. It's your home and you have the right to be comfortable in it.

Squirrelblanket · 23/01/2022 12:05

I would just approach it from the perspective that you didn't really enjoy that evening as you felt you were on a different level to them.

Fulmar · 23/01/2022 12:07

Ever since I was at university over 40 years ago I have realised that people who take drugs are mostly twats, and most of those have no idea they are twats. And those who take them still when they become parents are even worse. Personally I wouldn't have them in the house again, with or without drugs.

Candleabra · 23/01/2022 12:15

@Flocon

You can write it in a way that is more It's not you it's me if you like.
I wouldn’t do that. Be honest. Why should you condone their drug taking if it bothers you. Own your opinion. If they are good friends they’ll understand. If they don’t, they’re not good friends.
Maray1967 · 23/01/2022 12:20

Anyone using drugs in my house would be shown the food. I made it clear decades ago to DH that if his mates did it I would chuck the stuff down the loo and make them leave. He had one or two ‘mates’ who thought it was hilarious to put it in stuff and offer to folks who didn’t know it was in there. He warned me as we were about to head to a party at someone’s not to eat the shortbread- I stayed at home .

MyCatStaresAtMe · 23/01/2022 12:21

Call me old fashioned but I can’t abide drug users.

You could make something up like drug use triggers you/brings up bad memories so you’d prefer to not repeat the visit.

garlictwist · 23/01/2022 12:22

I have friends like this. I remember one very bizarre evening going out for dinner at a restaurant with a few of them. It was an early weekday meal so not a night out or anything. My other half and I along with one of the wives ended up sitting at the table on our own while the others just disppeared into the toilets all the time to do lines and they didn't even touch their food.

I am not anti drugs per se, but I do think there's a time and a place and some people are just so into it all they neglect to realise that fact.

daisiesblue · 23/01/2022 12:23

I've got friends that do coke and I do not, I know exactly how you felt that evening and it's not fun!
I'm quite outspoken so it may be easier for me, but I would just be honest and say can you not do the coke next time because you were chatting absolute shite and I was knackered by the end!
They do the drug so they know that it changes them, otherwise they wouldn't do it I guess?

If they take poorly to that then they're not great friends in the first place.
My friends won't do it at my events if I ask them not to! Because they understand I want to punch them when they do 😂

If you're happy with them smoking weed you could request they bring that instead if it's easier for you?

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