My 'career' makes me mentally ill

[babyblueblush]

Hello.

I've been a nurse for two years now and I hate it. It makes me unwell, mentally and physically. I am burnt out, I am tired, I am fed up and I can't cope anymore.

AIBU? To leave it all behind and do something else. Im only 25 so I have my whole life ahead.. I have a child and a mortgage so I do have bills to pay. Finding another job that pays may be hard. However, I do believe my health is more important?

I've tried many aspects of nursing and it doesn't change how I feel? Due to covid, it's ruined me. All nurses I speak to say these are the worst times they've seen and I don't see it getting better..

People may say- keep at it, things will improve? I honestly don't think this will make a difference. The damage is done.

The guilt I feel for even thinking about leaving. In a career that is already understaffed is the only thing stopping me from doing it.

What can I do.. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place but wanting so hard to escape and not have that level of stress hanging over me.

I was a secondary school teacher for 20 years. Loved it at first, even though the behaviour was always a challenge. Then Give got his hands on the system and there followed excessive record-keeping, punitive learning walk/observation schedules, crazy marking systems, no creativity over how you taught something. I'd be up at 5, marking then teach a full day, then come home at 5,have tea and sort the kids out and I'd then work til around midnight. I'd also work 1 weekend day, just to keep up. It was insane. I was unhappy for years until a chronic illness meant I had to leave. I am so much happier and healthier now. A PP is right, life is too short to be unhealthy and unhappy. Get out and start living

I have been in your position. I was a teacher and teaching absolutely crushed me. I think some jobs are suited to certain personalities and teaching was definitely not suited to mine.

Long story short is I carried on until I had a bit of a breakdown and got signed off work. So effectively my body was like nope, not doing this anymore. I knew deep down years before that my MH was suffering but kind of ignored it for all the reasons you list.

I think the problem with jobs like teaching and nursing is they become your identity. They become who you are. So it can feel difficult to leave. I had a bit of an identity crisis after leaving teaching ….like who am I now?

Good news is you have so many transferable skills and finding another less pressurised role will be ok. I ended up working for a charity after I left teaching. I could not believe what it was like having a job that didn’t demand every single ounce of my time energy and sanity. It was definitely the right decision for me.

Good luck op x

Have you thought of moving to the 3rd sector?

Some health charities (mental health, disabilities, long-term conditions) have helplines that are staffed by healthcare professionals for example or have in house healthcare professionals working in policy and advocacy roles or helping run community projects.

Or look at your local council as they might have jobs going relating to public health initiatives. safeguarding and so on.

I don't really have much to add other than I am in the same boat as you OP, and 100% understand where you're coming from. I spent 11 weeks off work last year dur to anxiety. I've been a nurse for nearly 17 years, I'm 38 and a band 6. I feel like re training at my age would be hard as I have two young dc. We have just moved and have a mortage for ar least the next 20 years. Finding another job where I will earn £30k + just isn't going to happen. Nursing is all I've known. In my head I think just do it for another 3 years and that's 20 years, I will have done my bit and paid into my pension for that long. Its just so hard. I've been off ill last week and I'm back in tomorrow and just feel that dread and anxious feeling already. You are still really young though and if I was you if I could I would look into doing something else.

I don't blame you for wanting to leave. A loved one spent many weeks in hospital last year, and I saw so many examples of unsafe practices, poor care, and at the root of every one was insufficient staffing levels.

All I ask, is that you speak out about what you have seen and experienced. I have, but I'm just an overwrought relative. But if enough of us speak up, hopefully one day someone will listen and things will change.

@paulhollywoodshairgel

Would training as a midwife suit? That way you are out in the community a bit more. Or mental health nursing?

Please don’t consider either of these options if you find nursing stressful.

OP maybe you aren’t cut out for nursing but if you did enjoy outpatient work you could consider doing family planning and sexual health? Very rewarding and all in a controlled outpatient setting.

I was a midwife for years but found delivery suite too stressful so I worked in clinic and developed a specialist role for myself and was very happy.

Health is a vast subject so try some lateral thinking. Having said that vast numbers do leave the profession so you aren’t alone.

Best wishes.

Hey OP. I'm not a nurse but went through a lot of the same feelings as you, especially the bit about feeling trapped and not wanting to throw away all my hard work. I was also in an industry that was toxic and a million miles away from what they taught us at uni. I'm also in Scotland. This is what I posted on the other thread, maybe some of it would be helpful to you:

Changing career seemed impossible as I didn't have tons of money or a high earning partner and couldn't afford to go back to university.

It took me 3 years to get out. Lots of dead ends, not knowing what I wanted to do, lots of rejections when applying for jobs.
I hit a turning point when I went on mat leave. I signed up for a professional qualification course, distance learning, for a related industry that I knew paid better and had better working conditions.
It cost £2k which was all my savings. But the cost wasn't prohibitive in the way a whole new degree would be, and the course was only a year.
I studied when DD was asleep or when DH took her for a bit. I also found a volunteering opportunity in that industry. I could do it from home and it was very sporadic work, but it looked good on the CV.
I joined a Facebook support group for people wanting to leave my old industry and learned a lot from it. Lots of great ideas and advice. I'd also recommend the Career Shifters website.
Crucially, I did a lot of work on changing my mindset. I'm not at all "woo" but realised that when you're stuck in a rut, you slip into a defeatist, negative mindset and that negative vibe puts people (including potential employers) off you and can really hold you back. People pick up on it even if you think you're hiding it well. That's what had happened to me and it's so easy to slip into when you're unhappy. Every time I had a defeatist thought like "I can't afford to start at the bottom again" I'd stop the thought in its tracks and counter with "this isn't helpful" and then focus on what small thing I could do that day that would help my career change (eg read one chapter of the course textbook, research one employer I want to work for etc). There are lots of resources online, podcasts etc. on reframing your mindset.
Eventually I was offered a job in my new chosen industry. Yes, I'm starting at the bottom. But because the job has a tech element, and there's a recruitment shortage in tech, my starting salary will actually be significantly more than I earned as a senior in my previous job.

I also felt the same as you when I looked at other people in their jobs, for example the staff in the coffee shop on my lunch break. I'd be envious that they didn't have to do my job. Also wished I'd have some kind of accident and be signed off work, or that I'd get fired so that the decision would be made for me. All of these are signs that you need to make a change. It doesn't have to be a complete career change, there are adjacent industries to go into. Even if you do go for a completely different job, don't think of it as giving up what you've worked for, think of it as leaving a job that no longer works for you and moving on to something better.

I would say you've done 2 years and proved you're a stayer, feel free to find something else! There are lots of jobs where that experience will be valued without taking you to the edge of breakdown. If you need to keep living where you are i would just look carefully at possibilities. More than there used to be as some firms have moved completely online now.

From what you're saying I think therecare possibly still jobs with a nursing element that you might enjoy - I wonder if you've considered research nursing - so I'd say keep up your registration for now. But it isn't compulsory.

I'm a nurse - my advice would be to get out now, before you become stuck in the profession due to financial responsibilities. 25 is young and you can retrain.

Nursing is not going to get better any time soon, as far as I can see. The pressure and damage to your mental health will get worse if you become more senior as your responsibilities will increase and the resources to do things you need to do will be unavailable.

Pay continues to be cut each year, so I see little chance that the staffing shortage will ever improve. The number of nurses leaving each year far exceeds those joining.

So, as one nurse to another, don't listen to all the media rubbish about having to sacrafice yourself to an NHS that doesn't value you. Get out if you can.

Can you train as an IBCLC? There are only two in the entire country of Scotland. One in the Borders and one in Edinburgh.

Op do it. Leave it behind.

You can’t possibly be doing the best you can for your patients feeling the way you do.

After over 30 years in what was my beloved NHS I’m leaving for the private sector.
It has wrung me out, kicked the shit out of me and not one person gives me a second thought. Not one.
I can’t do it any longer and I can’t be a part of it as it goes down the pan.

It’s been my life, my joy, my proudest personal moments & achievements but now it gives me nothing & makes me unwell.

There are jobs galore out there when you start looking. Join LinkedIn. Tonnes of contacts and jobs on there.
Good luck x

@Diditopknot

Op do it. Leave it behind.

You can’t possibly be doing the best you can for your patients feeling the way you do.

After over 30 years in what was my beloved NHS I’m leaving for the private sector.
It has wrung me out, kicked the shit out of me and not one person gives me a second thought. Not one.
I can’t do it any longer and I can’t be a part of it as it goes down the pan.

It’s been my life, my joy, my proudest personal moments & achievements but now it gives me nothing & makes me unwell.

There are jobs galore out there when you start looking. Join LinkedIn. Tonnes of contacts and jobs on there.
Good luck x

Hi what are you going to do in the private sector if you don't mind me asking?

@stargirl1701

Can you train as an IBCLC? There are only two in the entire country of Scotland. One in the Borders and one in Edinburgh.

Hi I'm sorry but I'm not sure what that is.. please can you explain thank you.

It's a very specialist and expert breastfeeding support. It's very hard to achieve the registration because you need nursing degree level training.

Here is Karla's website. She was the reason I was able to bf DD2 after a complete disaster with DD1.

http://www.breastfeedingedinburgh.com/Consultations.html

Not read the whole thread but I just wanted to say that you’re still so young if you chose to do something different (outside of nursing) you have heaps of time to build up your career.

I’m not a nurse but in a similar profession. When I was 28 I seriously considered leaving and retraining as an accountant. I didn’t, out of guilt, lack of confidence and worry I had to start over again. So I changed role and have stuck at my current profession.

I regret that decision so much.

I’m in such a less stressful role but I still have sleepless nights about the things you describe (understaffing, poor practice, worrying about clients etc) it’s a little better but still intrudes in my thoughts. Tonight I already feel sick about tomorrow.

I really don’t think it will get better. Find a different way of living.

I left nursing, 2 years ago. I did do some bank at the start of the pandemic, but have now given up my registration.

The effect on my family life (single parent) and mental health was many worth it.

I feel much better for leaving, and work a few different care jobs. I do the occasional shift back on the ward as a support worker.

I see the newly qualified staff, and pity them. So much pressure and stress. I do my shift, and actually get to spend time with the patients, and when I leave that’s it.

I don’t have to worry about staying late to finish paper work, when there is no qualified to hand over the keys to.

Obviously the pay is crap now, but my mental health and anxiety is much better. And I’d rather make financial sacrifices than my health.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

As a pp said, medical devices company specialist nurse.

I trained as a secondary school teacher and the training was appalling for my mental health. I passed and then immediately went to do something else.

I genuinely have the most perfect job now… I do completely random things in a primary school because I completely understand the education system but I’m not a teacher.

HOWEVER whilst I have an amazing job I’m paid from local authority budgets and half of my hours are paid at minimum wage and the rest of my hours are paid at about £11 an hour. I only get to do this as my husband is very well paid so I get to indulge my mental health requirements