My 'career' makes me mentally ill

[babyblueblush]

Hello.

I've been a nurse for two years now and I hate it. It makes me unwell, mentally and physically. I am burnt out, I am tired, I am fed up and I can't cope anymore.

AIBU? To leave it all behind and do something else. Im only 25 so I have my whole life ahead.. I have a child and a mortgage so I do have bills to pay. Finding another job that pays may be hard. However, I do believe my health is more important?

I've tried many aspects of nursing and it doesn't change how I feel? Due to covid, it's ruined me. All nurses I speak to say these are the worst times they've seen and I don't see it getting better..

People may say- keep at it, things will improve? I honestly don't think this will make a difference. The damage is done.

The guilt I feel for even thinking about leaving. In a career that is already understaffed is the only thing stopping me from doing it.

What can I do.. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place but wanting so hard to escape and not have that level of stress hanging over me.

Worth having a think about other options that aren't a totally different sphere I reckon:

1. Switching to bank to make sure you still have a steady income while you look at doing something like aesthetics

1. Looking at other nursing options if you haven't already - district, school, general practice?

1. Look at working for your local health authority (called CCGs in England, not sure about Scotland) - we are always looking for nurses and it's 9-5. They are needed to do things like care assessments for continuing health care, for safeguarding and a variety of other things.

1. Look at a sideways step into a health authority/similar as above but not in a nursing specific role - there are roles in education in health education England (again assume there will be a Scottish equivalent!) and also roles looking at how we can attract more people into the NHS/make it more sustainable which you might have really valuable insight for? Quite a lot of these are fixed term but there will often be a way to stay on and again if not, if you're signed up to the bank you can do that to fill a gap if it comes before you spot another post that suits you.

1. Not sure on exactly how it would work but things like the CQC or public health might be other opportunities to use the skills you already have in a similar but related sphere?

Since your options seem limited where you are and you don’t seem to be considering moving, is it worth looking at what you can do to improve your mental health and resilience to the challenges of nursing?

I don’t mean that to sound glib as though the reason you are burning out is because you are “weak” or something. I realise it’s been an incredibly stressful time in a job that needs more than the normal resources in good times.

I just wonder if there are things you can do (just as there are things you can do in physically stressful jobs) that might help. If only while you look around for other opportunities or get the experience that will get you a nursing role that isn’t as front line.

NVQ assessor? Your local FE College will snap you up.. do a TAQUA.. pm me if you like..

You’re doing brilliantly to have a child and a mortgage at 25. I’m envious. I would absolutely suggest your leaving the career if it’s making you Ill. Life being too short etc. have you thought about beauty therapy? It’s similar to nursing but must be far less stressful.

I'm a doctor who left after 5 years. No regrets so far, although I have found that the 'work anxiety' has just latched onto other areas in my life.

@Hairyfairy01

With respect, as you have been a nurse for 2 years, and over covid, I find it hard to see how you have tried many different jobs within nursing. Covid has been a nightmare, I don't think you can class they last 2 years as 'normal' and I feel very sorry for newly qualified nurses because of this. Have you thought about community nursing, becoming a health visitor, working in orthopaedics, stroke, cardiology, private sector etc. you have many different options with nursing. You have clearly worked hard to pass your nursing course, don't be too quick to give it all up.

As a nurse I really agree with this.

Nursing is challenging but it’s not normally this bad! Outpatients, nursing education, clinic work is all less stressful. Don’t throw away a hard earned career that has a lot of benefits (good pension, stable job, good progression) because of a difficult couple of years (I’ve worked on covid wards and it’s been awful but having 13 years experience behind me I know it’s a low point and it will get better.)

Hi OP, are you able to pinpoint what aspects of nursing you hate, and when training, were there any areas you trained in that you loved at the time, but the reality of living them in Covid times was different?
Do you like communicating with other staff?
Do you like communicating with the patients.
Does the site of blood or bones sticking out through the skin make you feel sick?
Does cleaning up someone covered in faeces make you fill ill. Can you bare to watch someone vomit, and then have to clean them up afterwards - vomit or phlegm from the mouth or nose was my bugbear, I could deal with lots of blood, broken bones, someone covered in diarrhoea, but someone gagging or actually vomiting or having snot pouring from their nose made me gag and vomit too (except for young children)!
Or do you think it is because you have only really been qualified during Covid, and the fear of catching Covid from someone else (particularly in the early days when ppe was pretty much useless), and people were dying, and we thought if we touched one handle that someone with Covid had touched, we would be toast?

The last two years have been so stressful, and nurses have probably never been so constantly busy, and having to deal with not only extra stressed patients, but also colleagues that are at the end of their collective tethers too, must have been a nightmare in it's own right.

I don't think anyone at all reasonable could complain about anyone who has been nursing throughout the last two years, feeling like they have nothing else to give, and that they can't continue anymore. But I know how hard all the studying you had to do was, how all the different placements you went on, some of the terrifying ward Sister's that you had to contend with, all the essays you had to write, and the exams you had to sit, were, and now you have a reasonable wage (not brilliant, but not awful either), and a very important qualification, it just seems a pity for you personally to have to turn your back on all of that. So I think most of us here just want to see you being able to use your qualifications to get at least a comparable wage, or an even better one. Like a pp said, please try to retain your registration, as after a change of pace and lowering of stress levels, you might find yourself drawn to a career that at least uses some of what you spent all that time and effort learning about.

Good luck OP, you deserve it, and please try to stop feeling guilty, in your two years you have probably done the equivalent of about 5 years of normal 'straight out of qualifying' nursing!

IT departments within the NHS often have doctors and nurses working within them, especially for project management. My DH is in IT and they have 3 nurses who do the minimum bank nursing to keep their registration and the rest of the time they are involved in setting up new IT projects to improve infrastructure within the trust. Just a suggestion in case you wanted to move within the NHS.

There are loads of things people with nursing qualifications can go on to do. I worked in a pharmaceutical company - all the regulatory stuff was done by nurses. Senior NHS managers are often nurses. School nursing may be worth you keep trying to get into. For what is is worth, a lot of nurses I know dont want to do nursing any more. Which is completely understandable - it has been a really tough thing to do for a long time, and in covid times is just insane.

I’ve been a nurse for a long while now (over 14 years). I’ve moved around more recently to find a job I enjoy. I left the ward 5 years ago (so well before Covid) and I still have nightmares I’m back there. My current job still has some of the politics and stresses but I’m in a department that’s mostly outpatients. It’s so much better. I actually find the job interesting and enjoy it. I would strongly suggest trying a different job for a while before giving it up entirely. However…I worked with someone who nursed for 2 years and hated it. She retained as a dog groomer and gave up her registration, she absolutely loves it! She has no regrets. I am often tempted to get the training and buy a water pressure machine for cleaning out ears (modern version of syringing). Most GP practices don’t offer it any more and I imagine it would be really profitable!
So yeah, it’s not for everyone and it’s not an easy career, but there’s so many options!

@DontSettleForMe

I’ve been a nurse for a long while now (over 14 years). I’ve moved around more recently to find a job I enjoy. I left the ward 5 years ago (so well before Covid) and I still have nightmares I’m back there. My current job still has some of the politics and stresses but I’m in a department that’s mostly outpatients. It’s so much better. I actually find the job interesting and enjoy it. I would strongly suggest trying a different job for a while before giving it up entirely. However…I worked with someone who nursed for 2 years and hated it. She retained as a dog groomer and gave up her registration, she absolutely loves it! She has no regrets. I am often tempted to get the training and buy a water pressure machine for cleaning out ears (modern version of syringing). Most GP practices don’t offer it any more and I imagine it would be really profitable! So yeah, it’s not for everyone and it’s not an easy career, but there’s so many options!

Hi there,

So my background is mostly wards, moved around over the last two years. Worked in covid, medical, elderly, surgical, you name it. Been bank working aswell. I recently took on a new job before Christmas in outpatients which was great for me. I enjoyed the hours and didn't feel as stressed. However, due to the pressures of covid and no staff- I was told I wasn't needed in that role and would need to go back to the wards. So I'm currently signed off sick, by my doctor. I'm having nightmares and sleepless nights even thinking about going back to wards because I know what will come. So I feel I have tried to move on into other positions and It's still not turned out for me. It's a scary time and my mind plays tricks on me for sure.

@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

Hi OP, are you able to pinpoint what aspects of nursing you hate, and when training, were there any areas you trained in that you loved at the time, but the reality of living them in Covid times was different? Do you like communicating with other staff? Do you like communicating with the patients. Does the site of blood or bones sticking out through the skin make you feel sick? Does cleaning up someone covered in faeces make you fill ill. Can you bare to watch someone vomit, and then have to clean them up afterwards - vomit or phlegm from the mouth or nose was my bugbear, I could deal with lots of blood, broken bones, someone covered in diarrhoea, but someone gagging or actually vomiting or having snot pouring from their nose made me gag and vomit too (except for young children)! Or do you think it is because you have only really been qualified during Covid, and the fear of catching Covid from someone else (particularly in the early days when ppe was pretty much useless), and people were dying, and we thought if we touched one handle that someone with Covid had touched, we would be toast?

The last two years have been so stressful, and nurses have probably never been so constantly busy, and having to deal with not only extra stressed patients, but also colleagues that are at the end of their collective tethers too, must have been a nightmare in it's own right.

I don't think anyone at all reasonable could complain about anyone who has been nursing throughout the last two years, feeling like they have nothing else to give, and that they can't continue anymore. But I know how hard all the studying you had to do was, how all the different placements you went on, some of the terrifying ward Sister's that you had to contend with, all the essays you had to write, and the exams you had to sit, were, and now you have a reasonable wage (not brilliant, but not awful either), and a very important qualification, it just seems a pity for you personally to have to turn your back on all of that. So I think most of us here just want to see you being able to use your qualifications to get at least a comparable wage, or an even better one. Like a pp said, please try to retain your registration, as after a change of pace and lowering of stress levels, you might find yourself drawn to a career that at least uses some of what you spent all that time and effort learning about.

Good luck OP, you deserve it, and please try to stop feeling guilty, in your two years you have probably done the equivalent of about 5 years of normal 'straight out of qualifying' nursing!

Thank you for your reply.

The general nursing for me is ok, I like to look after people. I can cope with the sickness, stool, all the rest. I don't particularly like needles and I haven't had to do bloods on wards I've been on as of yet. Most of my background is in wards. I recently started a job in outpatients which was better hours and felt less stress however the position was taken away from me due to not needing me in that role and wanted me back on the wards for foreseeable. It's written in contract we can be moved for the needs of service. I have been to union and nothing they can do due to the pressure of covid etc etc etc..

I feel I'm now trapped as I don't enjoy ward nursing. I have applied for other jobs- community based, school nursing etc- however I have not been successful as these jobs are often given to people 'lined up..' I live in a very small rural town and it's just the way things go here. Moving is not an option. So I kind of feeling trapped.

If I lived in a big city area, might be a lot more options out there but due to where I live, they're few and slim. It's difficult out there trying to find something. Plenty for wards but not enough jobs for other things and areas. I feel my circumstances may be different to others in that sense and I wish I had known this long before qualifying.

Yes I have only really worked during covid times- however even my placements I didn't enjoy and I used to dread going into. Maybe thinking it wasn't for me but I stuck at it hoping things may improve. It's very disappointing knowing I trained so many years for things to end up this way but like I say, I really have tried.

Could you train to become a Health Visitor?

YANBU to change your mind. I've quit a degree before. I've also changed jobs. Loads of people start over all the time.

You need to put your life and happiness first.

@NumberTheory

Since your options seem limited where you are and you don’t seem to be considering moving, is it worth looking at what you can do to improve your mental health and resilience to the challenges of nursing?

I don’t mean that to sound glib as though the reason you are burning out is because you are “weak” or something. I realise it’s been an incredibly stressful time in a job that needs more than the normal resources in good times.

I just wonder if there are things you can do (just as there are things you can do in physically stressful jobs) that might help. If only while you look around for other opportunities or get the experience that will get you a nursing role that isn’t as front line.

Hello.

I have had numerous appointments with both my doctor and occy health over the last 2 years to try and cope with it. It doesn't seem to improve things. My general day to day life is great and I'm happy. It's my job that truly gets me down..

Six months into my first job as a newly qualified, I had a complete nervous breakdown and I actually couldn't hear myself think. I had panic attacks. I wasn't myself and I felt I couldn't be a mum to my 2 year old at the time. Let's just say, it was a horrible time and I don't want to go through that again.

It's coming into work and knowing how short staffed you will be, how dangerous it is and expecting to get on with things. It's peoples life's on the line and it's scary. Feeling alone, undervalued and under appreciated and knowing it wont change. The complaints from relatives because the care we are giving is a shocking standard. Things going wrong and seeing unsafe practice. That's what I have to live with every day and many many more do too. I just don't feel strong enough to cope with it anymore.

@A580Hojas

How can you be sure it is your job making you unwell? Do you have experience of other work? All jobs have their own stresses.

I guess what you have to do is think long and hard about what you'd rather be doing for 40 hours a week (or whatever it is), research it thoroughly and have an honest think about it you could cope in that environment, find another job and leave nursing. You don't need to feel guilty about it.

Hi there,

So I worked in retail for about five years and I enjoyed it. I can remember getting up for the day, going to work and feeling good, coming home and not having to worry about work.

I haven't felt that way since those days.

@Hairyfairy01

With respect, as you have been a nurse for 2 years, and over covid, I find it hard to see how you have tried many different jobs within nursing. Covid has been a nightmare, I don't think you can class they last 2 years as 'normal' and I feel very sorry for newly qualified nurses because of this. Have you thought about community nursing, becoming a health visitor, working in orthopaedics, stroke, cardiology, private sector etc. you have many different options with nursing. You have clearly worked hard to pass your nursing course, don't be too quick to give it all up.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said many jobs. I meant many different areas, mainly ward nursing. I recently took up a post in outpatients as I've mentioned which I enjoyed but this post was short lived for me due to the needs of service. No other jobs at present.

I can't afford to go back to uni to do any further training due to not getting funding ( in Scotland you only get funding for one course ) so health visiting etc is out of question for me.

Due to where I live, jobs are hard to come by and when they do, they're normally snapped up by someone who has heaps more experience than me.

Would training as a midwife suit? That way you are out in the community a bit more. Or mental health nursing?

I don't think it will improve for years and years if ever post covid.
i remeber when I was a new nurse 40 years ago I absolutely loved it and could never see myself doing anything else.
The care we gave was fantastic, we had plenty of staff, those were halcyon days. I gave it up after 12 + hour shifts came along, people started going off sick a lot then, not surprising as you can get through a 7.5 hour shift if you feel a bit unwell but 12/13 hours, sod that.
I felt physically and mentally unwell and couldn't go on.
You could try private hospital work, that is so much easier with good perks too, I did cosmetic surgery and general surgery. I did that for the last few years then went into NHS podiatry which is so much better.
Podiatry has weekends and bank holidays/xmas off and is 9-5. Still lots of interesting acute things to do - we don't cut nails any more it's nearly all high risk woundcare now but the hours are great.

@paulhollywoodshairgel

Would training as a midwife suit? That way you are out in the community a bit more. Or mental health nursing?

Thank you for your suggestion.

Unfortunately, for us in Scotland, during midwifery amongst a nursing career, means you have to do a further 3 year course. This time around you aren't allowed any loan or bursary, therefore the course and living fees are self-funded. There's no way I could afford this with my finances, mortgage, young child etc etc.

Absolutely life is too short. I was a social worker until I had a breakdown. I became a sahm fir couple years now I'm a librarian and I love it.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I don't think it will improve for years and years if ever post covid. i remeber when I was a new nurse 40 years ago I absolutely loved it and could never see myself doing anything else. The care we gave was fantastic, we had plenty of staff, those were halcyon days. I gave it up after 12 + hour shifts came along, people started going off sick a lot then, not surprising as you can get through a 7.5 hour shift if you feel a bit unwell but 12/13 hours, sod that. I felt physically and mentally unwell and couldn't go on. You could try private hospital work, that is so much easier with good perks too, I did cosmetic surgery and general surgery. I did that for the last few years then went into NHS podiatry which is so much better. Podiatry has weekends and bank holidays/xmas off and is 9-5. Still lots of interesting acute things to do - we don't cut nails any more it's nearly all high risk woundcare now but the hours are great.

Thank you.

I wish I knew a time when things were like that. I think the irony in going to uni to learn all about person centred care and good standards of care and then coming into a ward environment and seeing things how they are.. well I won't say any more. I keep reminding myself I am just one person and unfortunately that isn't going to change everything.

I have seen a lot of people go into podiatry- is this another course you need to do for this?

@autienotnaughty

Absolutely life is too short. I was a social worker until I had a breakdown. I became a sahm fir couple years now I'm a librarian and I love it.

Thank you. These are the kind of nice success stories I like to hear. I keep thinking long term, a year from now if I am even half as stressed as I am now, that would be a blessing. I just want to live a normal lifestyle that gives me weekends at home with my child and more of a work/life balance.

OP you really don’t need to justify this to anyone. You’ve done 2 years more nursing than most people, if it’s not for you then please do change, life really is too short to feel so unhappy. I remember being so unhappy in a past job and it’s just awful, it clouds everything- even when you’re doing lovely things out of work you remember you’ve got to go back and you can’t even enjoy your time off, or that’s how it was with me. I found a different job that I loved and I just wished I’d moved sooner. Good luck!

@RoseGoldEagle

OP you really don’t need to justify this to anyone. You’ve done 2 years more nursing than most people, if it’s not for you then please do change, life really is too short to feel so unhappy. I remember being so unhappy in a past job and it’s just awful, it clouds everything- even when you’re doing lovely things out of work you remember you’ve got to go back and you can’t even enjoy your time off, or that’s how it was with me. I found a different job that I loved and I just wished I’d moved sooner. Good luck!

Thank you so much for this reply. It really helps to see encouragement like this, makes me think it's ok to feel this way and even be contemplating a move into something else. I almost feel whenever I mention leaving, it's the 'but you've worked so hard for it type thing' which yes, it's true. However, I had no idea this is how things would have been and if knew that beforehand, I'd have done something different.

It's the fight between realising it's not for me and wanting a happier me, or letting the guilt win and keeping at it knowing I'll probably still feel this way in years to come.

Op I feel exactly the same as you, though I am a social worker in children's services. I work constantly - worked from 8-5 today and will need to do the same tomorrow for a court deadline. We aren't contracted to work weekends but the excessive caseloads mean we just have to get on with it. Working your arse off and with no reward, literally firefighting in an absolutely broken system. And we are the faces of it, that have to deal eith peoples distress and trauma every day, with no support. I feel so burnt out and unwell too and I'm at the point of just leaving and getting a job in tescos. I need to not have the level of responsibility that I'm left holding. Someone once said something about social work which is spot on. We have lots of responsibility without any actual authority to change things. Anyway I'm sorry for sabotaging your thread with my little rant. Just please know you're not alone and I get it.