My 'career' makes me mentally ill

[babyblueblush]

Hello.

I've been a nurse for two years now and I hate it. It makes me unwell, mentally and physically. I am burnt out, I am tired, I am fed up and I can't cope anymore.

AIBU? To leave it all behind and do something else. Im only 25 so I have my whole life ahead.. I have a child and a mortgage so I do have bills to pay. Finding another job that pays may be hard. However, I do believe my health is more important?

I've tried many aspects of nursing and it doesn't change how I feel? Due to covid, it's ruined me. All nurses I speak to say these are the worst times they've seen and I don't see it getting better..

People may say- keep at it, things will improve? I honestly don't think this will make a difference. The damage is done.

The guilt I feel for even thinking about leaving. In a career that is already understaffed is the only thing stopping me from doing it.

What can I do.. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place but wanting so hard to escape and not have that level of stress hanging over me.

I'm an ex nurse. I sacked it off October 2022 after over a decade. I'm now working in user interface for electronic health records. I truly regret all those years I spent in a dead end job. Poor pay and poor progression, limited training. The one thing I couldn't cope with was the lack of psychological and physical safety. I sometimes used to fantasise about being struck of the register as it forces a decision. Truly don't worry about a sunk cost fallacy. It doesn't benefit you.

@boomoohoo

Op I feel exactly the same as you, though I am a social worker in children's services. I work constantly - worked from 8-5 today and will need to do the same tomorrow for a court deadline. We aren't contracted to work weekends but the excessive caseloads mean we just have to get on with it. Working your arse off and with no reward, literally firefighting in an absolutely broken system. And we are the faces of it, that have to deal eith peoples distress and trauma every day, with no support. I feel so burnt out and unwell too and I'm at the point of just leaving and getting a job in tescos. I need to not have the level of responsibility that I'm left holding. Someone once said something about social work which is spot on. We have lots of responsibility without any actual authority to change things. Anyway I'm sorry for sabotaging your thread with my little rant. Just please know you're not alone and I get it.

I'm so so sorry you too also feel this way. It's like we are all trapped with no way out. I feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't. All I can think of is the long term effect this kind of job will have on me and I know it won't be pretty.

I know other jobs will too, come with stress. However, I can't imagine it will have the same effect on me as this one does. It's almost like fighting a losing battle and constantly putting yourself through it knowing things won't be better.

Such a difficult position to be in and I think until you find yourself there, you don't see how it consumes every part of you and clouds your life.

@strawberriesmelonsgrapes

I'm an ex nurse. I sacked it off October 2022 after over a decade. I'm now working in user interface for electronic health records. I truly regret all those years I spent in a dead end job. Poor pay and poor progression, limited training. The one thing I couldn't cope with was the lack of psychological and physical safety. I sometimes used to fantasise about being struck of the register as it forces a decision. Truly don't worry about a sunk cost fallacy. It doesn't benefit you.

Thank you for your reply.

Are you happier now? Do you have any regrets about leaving? How did you pluck the courage up to do it?

I'm in the same boat OP but I'm mental health trained, and that's pretty bad too due to constant cuts and ward closures in my county. Constant understaffing and dangerous working conditions means I want to leave too, I've been qualified 10 years now. I have a feeling all the branches of nursing are having similar issues.

Yes much happier. I work from home, I do project work, I plan my day as I like. No abuse. I plucked up the courage as doing nothing was worse than doing something. I decided I deserved better

@strawberriesmelonsgrapes

Yes much happier. I work from home, I do project work, I plan my day as I like. No abuse. I plucked up the courage as doing nothing was worse than doing something. I decided I deserved better

How did you cope with knowing you were giving something up that you had worked so hard for?

In my every day life, I always look at others in jobs and wish that would be me. Even if it's in supermarkets, I just know I'd rather do anything else.

However I feel so guilty having this feeling. I feel like I've let everyone down, my family, myself. Also feel weak for not being able to keep going.

I hear what you're saying. I never felt guilty though. I thought carrying on with it despite completing the training when it doesn't benefit me is a sunk cost fallacy. There are better jobs out there. Do your research. Some are offering remote so it doesn't matter where you live.

I have no experience in nursing but by 31 I'd had 15+ different jobs and finally went full time self employed - I've worked in all kinds of industries and earned all kinds of different salaries, had jobs I loved and jobs I hated, exactly one of them was related to my original degree 😁 what I do now has sod all to do with any of my previous jobs, is creative and challenging and wonderful, I make an ok living and I am happier than I have ever been. I promise having a total change isn't a waste of what you worked and trained for - you'll always have the skills and experience from nursing.

And life is too short to feel like you do currently

What sort of thing would you like to do if you could change jobs tomorrow? (Assuming no lottery win so some sort of work was needed )

Hi Op, I did 21 years as an AHP, I ended up mentally unwell, burnt out and unable to be cope. I’m also a single parent.

I now work in education and will retrain as a work based assessor for NVQ when my dd is a little older. I absolutely love working in education, the pay is rubbish in comparison but the holidays are brilliant.

I too felt embarrassed that I left my career, that I disappointed my family, but honestly I had to make the choice that was right for me and my family.

SCPHN training (Health visiting and school nursing) are seconded or sponsored, and you get paid a salary. Did you apply to be a School nurse or a community staff nurse in the school nursing team?
Best thing I did was leaving district nursing to do my health visiting. No weekends or bank holidays working, paid a good salary to train, band 6 when qualified (well it's band 7 in scotland for HVs!) and outside the whole rat race of wards and community nursing. It comes with its own pressures and there's a heck of a lot of safeguarding, but it suits me

From what you said above, it sounds more as if it's short staffing that is the problem rather than the work. So it could definitely be worth considering private work. I imagine as Covid becomes less of an issue, more people who can afford it will turn to private medicine because waiting lists have become so long. I live somewhere with a private system and come across a lot of nurses and they seem to genuinely like their work. I've also chatted to nurses doing private work in the U.K. - I had gynae surgery privately in the U.K. because I found an excellent specialist there. The nurses had time for the patients and many seemed to do a mixture of bank NHS and private work, and said it suited them.

Ward work is hard, relentless and not very rewarding. It doesn't matter whether it's a surgical ward, medical etc. They're all the same: risk assessments, drug rounds, understaffed. Knackering and drudgery.
I work in A&E and when I've been moved to the ward to help out I've absolutely hated it. I don't know how anyone works on the wards.

Just because you've moved around wards and had a stint in outpatients doesn't mean you have tried lots of aspects of nursing. You're still inexperienced and there are loads of avenues for you. If I were you I'd look at leaving hospital nursing and maybe apply for a job as a nurse in a nursing home or in a hospice. Nursing homes are crying out for people and I know lots of nurses have done stints in hospices when they've been burnt out from ward work.

Think back to what made you want to do nursing, what made you decide to do it?

OP, you're 25. You're incredibly young. I'd already had three jobs in three different careers by your age! Went on to train as a teacher, did that for ten years, have just quit to go back to uni and train to do something else. I don't feel bad at all about leaving teaching - I don't see it as a failure. It was ten years of my life that I mostly enjoyed but now I want to try something else. Why would that be a bad thing?

There is no such thing as a job for life anymore. There is no shame in trying a career and then finding out it's not for you. Think of it this way - you've learned an incredible set of skills and coped with an enormous amount of stress and responsibility for two years. You have a degree in a challenging subject that requires a considerable amount of practical and academic knowledge. Your time as a nurse has taught you a lot and equipped you to do many things other people can't. You haven't wasted anything - you've only gained many things.

If you stay in nursing out of some misplaced feeling of guilt and shame what you will be doing is wasting your precious life on feeling trapped and miserable, and you'll be doing that damage to yourself. That is what is unreasonable.

Nursing clearly isn't for you and never has been - you've given it a good go and worked through a pandemic - thank you very much for doing that - and now it's time for pastures new. That's exciting! Not shameful.

Write down a list of your skills and qualifications, all the things you're good at, and all the things you love doing. Think laterally and don't get stuck on needing to stay within healthcare. We're now at a stage where many jobs are moving online - given you're in a rural area, this is to your benefit. Have a look at remote work. Also think about work as being a portfolio of different things - you could have three part time jobs that add up to a full time salary, for example. You could be doing one thing two days a week, another one day, another for another two days. You don't need to have a 9-5 , 5 days a week, in order to pay the bills.

Think as flexibly as you can. Your old university will provide you with free careers advice, so contact their careers service and see what they suggest for you. Life is honestly far too short to be miserable at work, and you are far too young to stick yourself in a rut.

Good luck!

In the US nurses get paid a lot and from what I've seen as a patient, they don't work very hard. I had to keep telling them to pipe down with all laughing and tom foolery they were doing at the nurses station in one hospital - so I could sleep.

You're so young. Honestly I'd you don't like it, find something else.

Your location might hinder you though... realistically you might need to move locations to have more options.

Could you take a sabbatical in your company? 6 months to take any random job for a break and some cash. Time to think things through and properly relax. Time for any medication or counselling to start working, if that's a route you're going down for your mental health.

If you keep up your registration you can choose to return to nursing in the future if you decided to. It seems to me that the lack of hope is getting to you. Nobody knows what the future holds. The situation in nursing might improve. You might end up moving to live elsewhere. There's small elements of hope there, but maybe working as a nurse in your current circumstances isn't right for you at the moment.

When I read the thread title I knew you'd be either a nurse or a teacher.

I really don't understand why there are so many threads by nurses and teachers asking if they'd be unreasonable to leave the job and do something else?? I rarely see anyone else in different jobs asking this question.

Other jobs are available to everyone and anyway if MN said 'No you should stay in a job you think is shit', it's not like you'd do it is it?

Sexual health clinic?

But also no, you would not be unreasonable to change careers. Nursing isn't the job for everyone, heaven knows it's not the job for me!

How about moving across to social care? Still related to your qualification and you could apply for a more senior role (or not). You might find the pace is slightly less frantic than acute medical?

@boomoohoo

Op I feel exactly the same as you, though I am a social worker in children's services. I work constantly - worked from 8-5 today and will need to do the same tomorrow for a court deadline. We aren't contracted to work weekends but the excessive caseloads mean we just have to get on with it. Working your arse off and with no reward, literally firefighting in an absolutely broken system. And we are the faces of it, that have to deal eith peoples distress and trauma every day, with no support. I feel so burnt out and unwell too and I'm at the point of just leaving and getting a job in tescos. I need to not have the level of responsibility that I'm left holding. Someone once said something about social work which is spot on. We have lots of responsibility without any actual authority to change things. Anyway I'm sorry for sabotaging your thread with my little rant. Just please know you're not alone and I get it.

I was a social worker in childrens services. I was contracted and paid for 21 hours a week but I easily worked 35. The constant pressure was horrific, I'd say to my line manager I had too many cases and she would say "how can I help you be more efficient to manage your workload?" It was awful not to mention the pressure I was under, the responsibility for the children in my caseload. I worked out one day with the hours I was actually working I was doing this high pressured job for slightly more the min wage, I left, now I'm a librarian and I love it. I no longer think about or do work at home.

Life is too short. Working I. A job you hate will have all sorts of consequences for your health and well being.

Don't move into midwifery, it's the worst its been in the 8 years I've practiced. Staff are leaving in huge numbers due to covid and continuity of carer. If you can keep your registration but get out of wards do it. If you can't get away from ward work then feel no guilt about leaving. Your health and happiness is worth more than the job. I'm currently on mat leave and so much happier away from work. I'm the main earner so when I go back I'll be applying for different roles away from clinical. The pressure in wards/delivery suite is exhausting and unsafe and in community there's too much unpaid over time. The good thing is there are loads of options like research, infection control, risk, safeguarding etc. Lots to try and find something that doesn't suck the life out of you.

Oh and I have absolutely loved my job in the past, so you have survived practice in truly awful circumstances. I just don't see it getting better for a good few years.

I've been a nurse for over 20 years & the last 2 years are beyond anything I have ever experienced. It is utterly utterly shit & demoralizing at the minute. I've cut my hours as my mental health is suffering & that's helped a wee bit.
I would say, drop to the bank, do enough hours to keep up ur registration so u can revalidate & hopefully this will be over at some point. X