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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being stupid? -child free night

89 replies

Onthefloor2 · 22/01/2022 18:36

We very rarely get child free nights, in 14 years you can count the times on one hand. We’ve been together 17.

The stars aligned somehow and tonight both kids are at sleepovers and it’s DP night off work. We could go out!! Like actually go OUT!! A drink, cinema, dinner….sit in the car in a car park…anything!!

Does this sound like an excuse?
“We can’t go out, this is our sons first sleepover (his 6 and at a school friends house) so we can’t go out because if he wants to come home and they call (the parents) we need to make sure we’re around the corner (and not 20 minutes down the road at the cinema, dinner or pub) to collect him.

Is he right?

(Or is this yet another stupid excuse that this mug has fallen for? Feels like he just NEVER wants to go out and do anything with me)

Aibu?

OP posts:

primarium · 22/01/2022 21:38

My DH is like that. He just wouldn't relax. The only time he was ok was when DCs were at my sister's house 1h away. All the sleepovers at friends' houses- big no no. He says he can't relax and is constantly expecting a phone call.

justyoy · 22/01/2022 21:39

OP, I know you feel that this is a reflection on you, but it isn't, necessarily. If there had ever been a night when all of my DC were at sleepovers, I'd have spent it sitting on the sofa, breathing in and out. On such a rare evening, I wouldn't have wanted to do anything at all other than sit at home. If my husband had suggested a date night, I would have thought he was mad (not least because one of the DC might be unhappy and need to be rescued - not likely, but there was still a 0.00001% possibility). It was nothing to do with whether or not I found my husband attractive, as I'd have been very happy for him to sit with me. It was entirely to do with the children. I haven't voted either way as I can see both POV.

Freddie28 · 22/01/2022 21:41

I would go out anyway, even if it meant driving around in the car.

justyoy · 22/01/2022 21:41

@Tinacollada

He sounds like a complete chopstick.

He doesn't, to me. Men can't win on MN. Either they are dicks for not being that bothered, and expecting a 'date night' "just because" their DC are on sleepovers, or are "chopsticks" because they're putting the potential needs of their children first.

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 21:44

Why not just speak to him op?

Ask him why he doesn't want to go out with you, do you believe he is worried about having to pick your children up?

I'm not totally in the camp that he is lying tbh unless he is prone to being a bit sly

redxlondon · 22/01/2022 21:46

Have you asked him if he’s genuinely worried, or how he feels about going out other than your son? Maybe share your concerns and talk to him, see if he opens up or if he genuinely is worried about your son.

reesewithoutaspoon · 22/01/2022 21:46

to be fair hes not wrong in one respect. its more than likely at 6 your son will get cold feet about staying over near bed time. Both mine did.
Can you have a romantic evening in with take away and a film get a relaxing uninterrupted bath and get comfy

Teenagehorrorbag · 22/01/2022 21:57

Are you sure he wasn't just hoping for a date night 'in' and a chance to be intimate? Maybe he saw the rare occurrence of being child free in those terms.....?

(Obvs if it was me I'd want to go out for a meal - but I bet DH would be thinking along different lines........)

Cameleongirl · 22/01/2022 22:02

DH and I were always out on rare child-free evenings and we used to hire babysitters in order to go out as well. But, it does take time to get used to leaving them with other people, I remember being nervous the first few times. Of course, with mobiles you can always be reached and being 20 minutes away isn't a huge deal. Personally, I feel it's something you need to learn how to do at some point or you'll be a nervous wreck when they're teenagers - but your DH might now be ready yet.

Now ours are teenagers with their own social lives so we have to be even more relaxed...DD is taking her driving test this year and I know I'll be a bag of nerves when she's out.

SugarAndSpiceIsNice · 22/01/2022 22:29

Maybe your husband just wants to relax at home and have a quiet child-free time. I wouldn't take it as a reflection of his feelings for you.

Catch32 · 22/01/2022 22:51

My DH is a combination of a very anxious parent and not that bothered about going out, so definitely wouldn't want to in those circumstances. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy, so try not to take it personally if that is just who your husband is. Other couples have their own problems. I have also had moments of being upset in the past at DH not wanting to make the effort to go out, but now try to accept that this is just who he is. He's funny, reliable, a good dad and attractive, so I can overlook the character flaw. Save dressing up for a fancy meal for a pre-arranged date with your best gals (it'll probably be more enjoyable anyway), and maybe next time get some nice drinks and dinner in for you and DH.

Original poster

Onthefloor2 · 22/01/2022 23:44

Well my little heart is broken.
His not anxious about the kids, I’m the parent that plays that role.
If we didn’t have sex last night I think there would have been more chance of a tad of romance and a quick bite out, but that’s hindsight isn’t it, and there’s never anything that can be done about that.

OP posts:

Cameleongirl · 22/01/2022 23:52

Does he just want to hang out by himself then? Tbh, I sometimes want to be in my own, as I currently spend some much time with my family wfh ( and DH does as well so It can be intense).

pinkfondu · 31/01/2022 06:41

@Onthefloor2

Well my little heart is broken. His not anxious about the kids, I’m the parent that plays that role. If we didn’t have sex last night I think there would have been more chance of a tad of romance and a quick bite out, but that’s hindsight isn’t it, and there’s never anything that can be done about that.

That's a very transactional perspective, you truly believe he's only nice, or says the right things to get sex?

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