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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being stupid? -child free night

89 replies

Onthefloor2 · 22/01/2022 18:36

We very rarely get child free nights, in 14 years you can count the times on one hand. We’ve been together 17.

The stars aligned somehow and tonight both kids are at sleepovers and it’s DP night off work. We could go out!! Like actually go OUT!! A drink, cinema, dinner….sit in the car in a car park…anything!!

Does this sound like an excuse?
“We can’t go out, this is our sons first sleepover (his 6 and at a school friends house) so we can’t go out because if he wants to come home and they call (the parents) we need to make sure we’re around the corner (and not 20 minutes down the road at the cinema, dinner or pub) to collect him.

Is he right?

(Or is this yet another stupid excuse that this mug has fallen for? Feels like he just NEVER wants to go out and do anything with me)

Aibu?

OP posts:

ItsDinah · 22/01/2022 20:01

Go out for fish and chips/McDonalds drive-thru and eat them in the car in scenic car park or lay-by. To add to the reliving- your- youth ambience,borrow car from your parents.

Dreamstate · 22/01/2022 20:02

Wtaf, why does society make put people asunder such pressure to basically give up every second of their life for their child. He is at a sleepover! Just go out and have phones on incase you get that call. My god and if he won't go out, go out yourself instead.

myhousebuild · 22/01/2022 20:04

We would probably go for a bite to eat and/or cinema given the opportunity. I don't see the big deal if you have your phones with you and are not drinking! He is BU!

Rainbowqueeen · 22/01/2022 20:04

💐 OP. There is nothing wrong with you.

I’d tell him how he has made you feel and see what he says. Is he socially anxious and doesn’t like going out generally?? Fussy eater?

Tell him that you want to spend quality time together that evening and if he is not willing to go out then he needs to plan and execute a date night at home. And yes clearly sex is off the table as DS might need you. Something that builds emotional intimacy and closeness is what is required.

comedycentral · 22/01/2022 20:09

It sounds like you have lost the couple side of your relationship. If he's not comfortable going out would he be happy to try a date night in?

GettingItOutThere · 22/01/2022 20:13

do not stay in op!! get your best clothes on and go eat out even alone (to be honest it is bliss anyhow)!
watch a movie (as DH is home in case they phone!)

not idea i know but do not sit in !!

DoTheMerengue · 22/01/2022 20:14

What? That’s nonsense. You can easily go out for a meal or drink locally.

Darbs76 · 22/01/2022 20:16

Sounds like an excuse to me. Go to eat somewhere near the house where your son’s at a sleepover at if you had to. But I doubt you’d need to be there in a massive rush anyway and likelihood is it will be bed time when he’s wanting to come home if he does and assume you’d be back by then

Notimeforaname · 22/01/2022 20:17

Go out and get take away and a few bottles. Have nice evening in.

lavender2022 · 22/01/2022 20:20

YANBU. 20 minutes away to go and collect DC in the event of an emergency is not a long commute. He is avoiding spending quality time with you for whatever reason.

rwalker · 22/01/2022 20:23

No kids quite house just doing nothing sounds bliss .

His wishes on the way he wants to spend the night are no more or less valid than yours .

Nobody is right or wrong you just want different things .

CounsellorTroi · 22/01/2022 20:26

Of course you can go out. As long as you are contactable by mobile, what is the problem?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 22/01/2022 20:27

I guess my question is, what is he doing instead. Is he up for a takeaway and film or is he playing FIFA?

Namechange466 · 22/01/2022 20:41

There is nothing wrong with you OP and I’m sure your husband knows how lucky he has it with you

He seems to be just very comfortable and a bit of a homebody

I wouldn’t take it personally but it’s definitely worth speaking to him to let him know how this makes you feel - as he may also be feeling complacent given how long you have been together

Inlander · 22/01/2022 20:41

OP, have you talked to him and told him how you feel and how this is important to you? Discuss how it is making you feel OP and take a view based on his reaction.

Tinacollada · 22/01/2022 20:44

He sounds like a complete chopstick.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 22/01/2022 20:46

First sleep over for a 6 year old...sorry I am with your husband on this one. Stay hone with a movie and a takeaway and make sure 1 of you doesn't drink.

I used to run youth groups and we quod take kids from 5 obnovernight sleepovers with assurances that they would be fine by parents. Over 26 years I have lost count of the number of parents we have spent hours tracking down because because child had been poorly or terminally unsettled and needed them.

Second or third sleepover fine to go further afield but cinema is never an option til you are absolutely certain that he is happy being away

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 22/01/2022 20:52

Take his excuse away. Clear it with the friend’s parents saying you’ll only be twenty minutes away.

lavender2022 · 22/01/2022 20:54

@Tinacollada

He sounds like a complete chopstick.

This made me laugh

shellyr1989 · 22/01/2022 20:56

u cud easily go somewhere local and not drink or one person not have any alcohol in case u had to drive to collect your son. seems a bit lazy

Bimblybomeyelash · 22/01/2022 21:00

If you never go out, and therefore your
Child is not used to being elsewhere, or without you, then I think your husband is being sensible. I my 6 year old hasn’t had a sleepover before, but I can totally imagine him wanting to come home at 10 o clock. If I had both my kids out of the house in your situation, I’d probably be ordering in a nice take away and planning a nice lie in and breakfast in bed.

Despite that, it is absolute madness that you never have any ‘date nights’, so
I understand why you are upset.

AutomaticMoon · 22/01/2022 21:01

What poppycock, does he have anxiety or something? Your dh not ds. If he’s a paranoid sort like me, maybe I’d believe it, but otherwise he’s being a lazy potato oaf. Tell him he needs to take you out so you can show each other a good time, taking you for granted is not on. What would he say/do if you went out without him, maybe find a date on an app, I think there’s apps for friends too. Or go on Grindr and ask a gay man out? Sorry, I’m just brainstorming here, I’ll show myself out

saleorbouy · 22/01/2022 21:09

Book the cinema tickets online and then tell him it's your treat. Just put your phones on vibrate and have some fun, or is DH a fun sponge?

PinkSyCo · 22/01/2022 21:28

Does your DH go out without you? If not, maybe he just doesn’t like going out. Saying that, if he knows how important a night out would be to you then it would be nice if he made the effort. I wouldn’t take it so personally though, unless he goes out happily enough with anyone but you?

Tumbleweed101 · 22/01/2022 21:38

I think when you have young children you get over invested in freedom when it's in reach.

If your dh doesn't want to go out find a way to enjoy being in together or a friend to go out with.

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